can someone tell me jokes?

Question

please?blounde jokes,dirty jokes?

Answer 1

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the d*ck goes underneath the horse, not on top."

Answer 2

A guy on holiday in Spain is going into a cafe and instantly encounters a scrumptious aroma. He figures out it is coming from a dish being served to a person close him and so he calls the waiter and asks, "What is that guy over there consuming? It smells pleasant!" The waiter says, "Those are the bull testicles from the bullfight this morning, Senor." The guy is a bit bowled over at this, however orders them however, and certain ample, they are scrumptious. He comes again day after today and orders the equal factor. He unearths it as well as earlier than, however is a bit upset via the skimpy dimension of the dish. So he calls the waiter once more and complains, "it was once nonetheless well, however you did not supply me very so much!" The waiter replies, "Si, Senor, usually the bull wins."

Answer 3

1) Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

2) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have?

3) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

4) Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

5). Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday? Son: Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

6). Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his? Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

7). Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything! Son: That’s why I say she's no good!

Answer 4

The final examination for an English class was two hours long and exam booklets were provided. The teacher was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, Little Johnny came rushing in and asked the teacher for an exam booklet.
"You`re not going to have time to finish this," the teacher stated sarcastically as he handed him a booklet.

"Yes I will," replied Little Johnny.

He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the teacher called for the exams, and all the students filed up and handed them in except Johnny, who continued writing. Fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny came up to the teacher who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No you don`t, I`m not going to accept that. It`s late."

Little Johnny looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact I don`t," replied the teacher.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Little Johnny said again.

"No, and I don`t care." replied the teacher with an air of superiority.

"Good," replied Little Johnny, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in
the middle, and walked out of the room.

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It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do and all the kids are restless. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here I'm smart and will answer the question". The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Joya said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Joya. You can go". Johnny was MAD. The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go".

Johnny was even MADDER than before. The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Marol said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Marol. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD. Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these women would keep their mouths shut".


The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"

Answer 5

What is the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a prostitute with diarrhea? The epileptic corn husker shucks between fits. How can you tell when a blond is done having sex? she kicks open the car door. here's another. There once was a man named Cass. His balls were made of brass. When they clanged together, they played "stormy weather" , and lightening shot out of his a$$.

Answer 6

A man walked into a car dealership and spotted the car of his dreams. He walked over to inspect it and as he bent over to feel the fine leather upholstery, he breaks wind. Nervously he looks around to see if anyone noticed. A few minutes later a salesman approaches the man.
"What can I help you with today, sir?" says the salesman.
The man asks, "How much for this car?"
The salesman says, "Frankly, sir, I'd rather not say."
"Why not?" asks the man.
The salesman replies, "If you farted just touching it, you're gonna s h i t when you hear the price."

Answer 7

99 % of lawyers give the rest a bad name !

He who laughs last , think slowest !

A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory !

We are born naked , wet and hungry. Then things get worse !

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges !

Humpty Dumpty was pushed !

What do you call a blonde whore ? Hump-me dump-me !

Answer 8

Yes heres a joke...Some dude walks in to a bar with a gun and says WHOEVER SLEPT WITH MY WIFE IS GONNA GET SHOT.And one man answered....You wont have enough bullets

Answer 9

A man is doing push ups on the beach, A drunk man sees him and starts laughing loudly and says...... "Sorry to tell you but the women below you, has already left".

Answer 10

A Rabbit goes into the Butchers and asks, "Excuse me Mr Butcher, you got any carrots?" The butcher replies, "No, I'm a butcher I don't sell carrots, however there is a green grocers next door" so the rabbit leaves.

The following day the rabbit goes back to the butchers and asks, "Excuse me Mr Butcher, you got any carrots?" The butcher says, "No, I told you yesterday, I don't sell carrots. I?m a butchers, now please leave."

The rabbit leaves but returns the following day and asks, "got any carrots?" The butcher says, "No, I don't bloody sell carrots. Get Out and don't come back!"

The rabbit leaves but returns the following day and asks, "You got any carrots?" The butcher says, "Look you, if you come in and ask me that again, I'm going to get your big floppy ears and nail them to the door. Now get out!"

The rabbit leaves but returns the next day and asks, "Got any nails?" The butcher looks puzzled and replies, "No I don't have any nails". So the rabbit says...

?Got any carrots??