Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something
else
to be pissed about.

A black congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of
hurricanes
are all Caucasian sounding names. She would prefer some names that
reflect
African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal,
and
Jamal. She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in a
language
that
her people can understand. Can't you hear it now?:
A weatherman in Houston says...

"Wazzup, Mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo assss like
Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitchh be a category fo'! So grab yo' chirren,
yo' Ho, leave yo crib, and head fo' de nearest guv'ment office fo all
yo
FREE shitt!"

2006-08-30 09:41:53 · 11 answers · asked by NONAME 3

WET WHEN YOU GO TO SHOWER 10 POINTS............

2006-08-30 09:37:18 · 15 answers · asked by lolipop 3

what is 2+2? Calculators are not allowed and are strictly prohibited. NO CHEATING AT ALL!!! GOT IT? LEARN TO THINK FOR YOURSELF!

2006-08-30 08:59:57 · 65 answers · asked by answer seeker 1

Your in the center of a room. At each end of the room there is a door. There is one guy guarding each of these doors. One guy always tells the truth no matter what. The other always lies no matter what. Behind one door is paradise. Behind the other a man eating lion. You want the door that leads to paradise. You are only allowed to ask one question. What question lets you know for sure what door paradise is behind?

*note - I did not say the door behind the one telling the truth is or is not paradise.

2006-08-30 08:56:37 · 7 answers · asked by pebble 6

2006-08-30 08:54:26 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

instructions: read each question carefully. you have two hours to answer all questions. begin immediately

history=describe the history of the papacy from its origins through to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. be brief, concise and specific

medicine=you have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch whisky. remove your appendix. do not suture until your work has been inspected

public speaking=2500 riot crazed tribal men are storming the classroom. calm them. you may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek

biology=create life. estimate the differences is subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the American ideal. prove your thesis

music=write a piano concerto. orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. you will find a piano under your seat

psychology=based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustration of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, ramases II, hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each mans work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate

sociology=estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory

engineering=the disassembled parts of a high powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction Manuel, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision

physics=explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science

philosophy=sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any kind of thought

general knowledge=describe in detail. Be objective and specific

2006-08-30 08:47:31 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-30 08:44:48 · 11 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

2006-08-30 08:28:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

from your's to someone's!

2006-08-30 08:19:08 · 10 answers · asked by Blue POOP 1

2006-08-30 07:57:21 · 7 answers · asked by Bug***B 1

In what movie does a father say to his son, "God-damit every time you come here there's trouble".
*Hint: it's from a musical turned movie. Goodluck!*

2006-08-30 07:30:30 · 6 answers · asked by hlpz76 4

Why don't blondes eat pickles.
Because they can't find the zipper on the jar.

2006-08-30 07:26:58 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-30 07:05:57 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

make it funny as possible

2006-08-30 07:01:20 · 10 answers · asked by matthewhrsfll 2

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/watch.htm

so do u like it

2006-08-30 06:57:12 · 8 answers · asked by GhostRecon48 2

I made up this riddle, can you anser it?

When are peaches a pear?

2006-08-30 06:56:51 · 13 answers · asked by Erin A 2

a man is found dead with a stab wound in his neck buried in snow
the murder weapon is nowhere to be found but the police cheif knows wat the weapon was
wat was it?

2006-08-30 06:52:09 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

How many wood chucks would a wood chipper chip if a wood chipper would chip chucks? If a wood chipper could chip chucks how many wood chucks would the wood chipper chip?

2006-08-30 06:41:53 · 23 answers · asked by Coo coo achoo 6

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!"
That's a classic, but it's boring now. I'm looking for all your CLEAN road crossing jokes. Entries with swear words, sexual references, or racial discrimination will be reported/deleted. Blonde jokes are ok!

2006-08-30 06:41:07 · 10 answers · asked by pianoman.jeremy 4

A women is pushing a car into the front of a red house and screams. Why?

2006-08-30 06:21:15 · 12 answers · asked by The Chancellor™ 4

I come two times a Week but once a Year.Who am I?

2006-08-30 06:13:48 · 12 answers · asked by The Chancellor™ 4

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning, Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! No hangover! NO bad side effects, Nothing!

Then the phone rings...It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover - nothing."

"We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well, there's just one thing...."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No....."

"Well, DON'T - 'cause I'm in Phoenix!!!"

2006-08-30 06:06:36 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

The virgin mary was only a virgin if you dont count anal, Right?

2006-08-30 06:04:32 · 8 answers · asked by the_elite_agent 2

i am very..........................happy because i am wasting my points

2006-08-30 06:01:27 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

What goes around the world, but stays in the corner?

2006-08-30 05:58:47 · 14 answers · asked by The Chancellor™ 4

I have a tail, and I have a head, but i have no body. I am NOT a snake. What am I?

2006-08-30 05:57:36 · 10 answers · asked by The Chancellor™ 4

sorry, i dont know where the divide sign is lol. first to figure out gets 10 points

2006-08-30 05:44:57 · 24 answers · asked by Michelle 4

2006-08-30 05:31:06 · 20 answers · asked by ANBU -QUEEN 1

A horse is tied to a 15 ft. rope and there is a bail of hay 25 ft. away from him. Yet the horse is able to eat from the bail of hay. How is this possible

2006-08-30 05:13:47 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

A NICE AS$ should be seen and not freaking heard!

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk. I
don't drink anymore but these are so true:

a) Innovative  
b) Preliminary  
c) Proliferation  
d) Cinnamon  

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:  

a) Specificity  
b) British Constitution  
c) Passive-aggressive disorder  
d) Transubstantiate  

Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:  

a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.  
b) Nope, no more booze for me.  
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.  
d) No kebab for me, thank you.  
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?  
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.  
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.  
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.  
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.  
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.  
k) I didn't do ____ because I was scared I wouldn't do it right and people would laugh at me.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-30 05:06:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous