Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

This should be pretty easy.

2006-08-30 14:57:46 · 8 answers · asked by Display Name 3

do you know a website of which it has good birthdays e-cards?

i want to send it to more than one person in the same time.

2006-08-30 14:53:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1-100

2006-08-30 14:51:43 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-30 14:47:35 · 10 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

Drizzle.

2006-08-30 14:46:51 · 12 answers · asked by BAnne 7

Incidentally, while I'm on the subject, does anyone know what a perpetual screw is?

2006-08-30 14:44:08 · 5 answers · asked by Polo 7

2006-08-30 14:43:50 · 13 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

"have you seen a doctor?" the Irish Man Replied; "No, just spots"

2006-08-30 14:42:57 · 10 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

Ok, so, I sent like a 2 page e-mail to my niece and when I hit "enter" Poof be gone. Seriously, the email was GONE. Does anyone know what the heck happened to it? Do you think it got sent but I have no record of it? ~Thanks~

2006-08-30 14:42:54 · 8 answers · asked by my2cents 4

2006-08-30 14:41:41 · 2 answers · asked by lisa f 2

2006-08-30 14:38:41 · 7 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

2006-08-30 14:35:53 · 4 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

See other end for instructions!

2006-08-30 14:34:18 · 2 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

was actually a tv?

2006-08-30 14:32:07 · 4 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

EVERYTHING that works is based on simplicity, Fender, Gretch, Gibson and every other, early, amp maker took 99% of their ideas from old (even then they were) RCA manuals. But now this century it has become 'hip' to have the latest B@llsh*t. But to build the latest mousetrap first you need to see what was done before and only a fool would base his mousetrap on a goddamn nuclear bomb!

Hey I couldn't resist, I've always been from the 'less is more' school though I never graduated!

In Other Words

ADULT
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is
now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS
The only animals you eat before they are born and after
they are dead.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY
Everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

GOSSIP
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MYTH
A female moth.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES
Something other people have. You have character lines.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-08-30 14:30:27 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

^ ^ ^ I Hate Math Homework, Don't You!?

2006-08-30 14:28:34 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-30 14:21:10 · 7 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

Young Judy was having trouble with her computer, so she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk.

Tony clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."

A puzzled expression came over Judy's face. "An ID Ten T Error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Tony gave her a grin. "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?"

"No," replied Judy.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

She wrote... I D 1 0 T

2006-08-30 14:20:44 · 29 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Open other end!

2006-08-30 14:19:41 · 5 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

He burnt his lips on the exhaust! :) :) :)

2006-08-30 14:16:28 · 7 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

shouldn't Plutonium no longer be an element??

2006-08-30 14:06:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-30 14:04:58 · 18 answers · asked by Boricua Born 5

2006-08-30 14:03:01 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 60 year old. "When you're 70, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !"

"Actually," said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old.
"No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty?"

To which the eighty year old replied - "I don't wake up until ten!"

2006-08-30 13:58:42 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man flew to las Vegas to gamble, but he lost all his money. all he had left was his plane ticket home, and he had to get to the airport somehow. so he went out to where there was a taxi waiting and explained his situation to the cabby. he promised to send the taxi fare money from home, but to no avail. the cabby said, ‘if you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!'
so the man was forced to hitchhike to the airport and only just made it in time. a few months later the man returned to las Vegas and this time he won big. again he went to get a taxi back to the airport. well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of taxis, but the cabby who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. the man thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. he asked the first taxi driver in line how much the fore was to the airport
'fifteen bucks,' came the reply
‘and how much for you to give me a b-l-o-w-j-o-b on the way?’ he asked
‘what?! Get the hell out of my taxi’
the man asked each taxi driver in the line the same questions, with the same results. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and said, ‘take me to the airport.’ Then, as they drove past the long line of cabs he gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver

2006-08-30 13:50:18 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man and his horse arrives in a town on friday he stays 3 days and leaves on friday how is this possible????

2006-08-30 13:32:58 · 31 answers · asked by nick 1

why is it that we call a drive way a drive way when we park on it and we call a park a park way when we drive on it

2006-08-30 13:30:19 · 10 answers · asked by nick 1

How many UCLA students does it take to change a lightbulb?

Have fun

♥

2006-08-30 13:29:18 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-08-30 13:25:28 · 15 answers · asked by china 2

1. It's always above the negatives,
yet it's lower than the first prime.
No matter how you multiply,
it's the same every time.

2. I appear at the end of time and the beginning of end, I appear once per millenium but also twice a week, who am I?

3. There are three cows. One large, one medium and one small. Which one is the father?

4. How many letters are in the alphabet?

5. I cannot be felt, seen or touched;
Yet I can be found in everybody;
My existence is always in debate;
Yet I have my own style of music.
What Am I?

6. I have many feathers to help me fly.
I have a body and head, but I'm not alive.
It is your strength which determines how far I go.
You can hold me in your hand, but I'm never thrown.
What am I?

7. I'm a god, a planet, & measurer of heat.
Who am I?

Ten points to the first person who gets them all right!

2006-08-30 13:11:56 · 32 answers · asked by jstanfield1218 2