Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Does anyone really know what time it is???????

2006-08-30 23:31:57 · 29 answers · asked by blank 5

2006-08-30 23:28:08 · 7 answers · asked by 50+ 2

2006-08-30 23:26:57 · 27 answers · asked by Great Man 1

1: That attorney is my brother, testified the accountant. But the attorney testified he didn't have a brother. Who is lying?

2: Which is heavier: a pound of gold or a pound of feathers?

3: How far can you walk into the woods?

4: Imagine a duck in a glass bottle. The neck of the bottle is too small to allow the duck through. The bottle is perfectly formed and has no trick bottoms or other openings. How do you get the duck out of the bottle without damaging either the duck or the bottle?

2006-08-30 23:20:29 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy club. He and his dummy are spurting out rude blonde jokes, when a blonde lady sitting in the audience stands up.
"I'm so sick of you people who think blondes are stupid. I'ts because of you that I have to try harder to prove myself at work and in the community. There are just as many dumb people with red or brown hair. There are just as many smart people with blonde hair."
"Gosh, Miss, I'm terribly sorry. I was just telling jokes, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"Shut Up! I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that little jerk on your lap!"

2006-08-30 23:18:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."



he he he......now that's a clever thinking!! isn't it?

2006-08-30 23:18:02 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q What is the difference between men and puppies?
A Puppies grow up.

Q What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A Lay them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A Who cares?????.....

Q What did God say after he created man?
A I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.

Q What is the difference between men and pigs?
A Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...

Q What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.

Q Why do men like smart women?
A Opposites attract.

2006-08-30 23:17:10 · 27 answers · asked by MissBehave 5

2006-08-30 23:07:21 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you spell "sit all day in the tub" S-O-A-K, and you spell "a funny story" J-O-K-E, how do you spell "the white of an egg"?

2006-08-30 23:00:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man left home running. He ran a ways and then turned left, ran the same distance and turned left again, ran the same distance and turned left again. When he got home there were two masked men. Who were they?

2006-08-30 22:55:38 · 13 answers · asked by True Blood 2

2006-08-30 22:50:31 · 14 answers · asked by True Blood 2

2006-08-30 22:43:04 · 9 answers · asked by True Blood 2

2006-08-30 22:39:39 · 7 answers · asked by True Blood 2

2006-08-30 22:38:34 · 18 answers · asked by True Blood 2

Once a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"

2006-08-30 22:04:59 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Repeat this 3 times fast " Irish Wrist Watch"

2006-08-30 21:45:21 · 14 answers · asked by camm033 2

The boss of a big company who needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. “Hello.” “Is your Daddy Home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” The child whispered, “No.” Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?” “Yes.” “May I talk to her?” Again the small voice whispered, “No.” Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?” “Yes,” whispered the child, “A policeman.” Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “ May I speaks with the policeman?” “No, He’s busy,” whispered the child. “Bust doing what?” “Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.

2006-08-30 21:22:23 · 18 answers · asked by mizbehavingirl 4

*George W. Bush and Tony Blair are at a White House dinner.

One of the guests walks over to them and asks what they're discussing.
"We are making up the plans for World War III", says Bush.

"Wow", says the guest. "And what are the plans?"

"We're gonna kill 2 billion Arabs and one
dentist",
answers Bush.
The guest looks to be a bit confused. "One...dentist?"

He says."Why will you kill one dentist?"

Blair pats Bush on the shoulder and says, "What did I tell you?

Nobody is gonna ask
about the Arabs."

2006-08-30 20:57:42 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hose A and Hose B


sorry to all those offended.

2006-08-30 20:52:41 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-30 20:20:03 · 24 answers · asked by Jella 1

Is there any 20th, August born of any year?

2006-08-30 19:53:46 · 8 answers · asked by kiko 2

2006-08-30 19:38:07 · 10 answers · asked by Jella 1

http://www.bofunk.com/video/3790/panda_gets_scared.html



I thought it was funny.... I dont know what they are saying but thats not important

2006-08-30 19:36:18 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Last time, we saw this riddle:

If you are really hungry, would you eat a cow or a shooting star? Please explain :)
A: A shooting start, because it meteor!

Heheh. And here is today's riddle:

How do you turn ordinary water into holy water?

Have fun!

2006-08-30 19:29:38 · 15 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-08-30 19:27:02 · 21 answers · asked by boxergirl 5

I want to know a website or a search term to use to find those lists of "real" excuses that have errors in them so they come out really funny, e.g. My child can't come to school today because he needs to be shot.

2006-08-30 19:06:40 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Johnny lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and Little Johnny hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time.

The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and Little Johnny determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so Little Johnny decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek.

He got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the wood shed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, Little Johnny asked why.

The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?"

Little Johnny answered, "Yes".

Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree."

2006-08-30 18:42:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

If Molly's daughter is my daughters mother,then what am I to Molly?

2006-08-30 18:32:45 · 26 answers · asked by cute_fat_girl_meggs. 1

a mother fixes her sons lunch and send her husband off to take him to school. the father and son get in a car wreck , the father dies and they rush the boy into surgery. the surgeon says " i can't operate on him, he's my own son.

2006-08-30 18:29:40 · 14 answers · asked by m6bonster 2

I will give the answer to the best answer person. If you want to know, email me, but that will disqualify you from winning.

2006-08-30 18:22:42 · 18 answers · asked by Thomas C 4