Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s1i10605

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s4i10969

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s1i10943

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s1i10613

Click on my name at the top of the article for more.

Please vote for them out of 10.

Yes, they are mine- my name is Paul Wilde. I am from Stockton-on-Tees in the north east of England.

2006-08-31 06:52:49 · 13 answers · asked by _Picnic 3

2006-08-31 06:49:43 · 9 answers · asked by asanisimasa 2

2006-08-31 06:38:45 · 13 answers · asked by shanti g 1

He got arrested and charged with battery.

2006-08-31 06:35:58 · 18 answers · asked by I-C-U 5

Joey looks out his kitchen window and witnesses a murder, yet nobody has died... How is this possible..?

2006-08-31 06:25:11 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hint;
Take the letter "R" out of Spare, and the letter "F" out of Way

2006-08-31 05:49:00 · 10 answers · asked by archimedes_crew 3

For all you nerds who think that this is a Spelling Bee (you knew what I was talkin about)!!!!!! Or are you mad that I'm talking about your precious president??? Its just a joke, you dont like, you dont answer, dont be a smarty pants about it!

2006-08-31 05:38:09 · 7 answers · asked by superbad~honeydip 4

what get bigger as you take out of it, what gets smaller as you put in?

2006-08-31 05:32:15 · 13 answers · asked by Anna 3

Hint: Freddy Got Fingered.

2006-08-31 05:31:50 · 7 answers · asked by superbad~honeydip 4

2006-08-31 05:28:37 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you answer this ancient riddle?

2006-08-31 05:27:43 · 13 answers · asked by chris 2

2006-08-31 05:27:04 · 6 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Joe was teaching his parrot to talk: "Repeat after me,' I can walk."
Parrot:" I can walk."
Joe: " I can talk."
Parrot: " I can talk."
Joe: " I can fly."
Parrot: " That's a lie."




hve a good day..:)

2006-08-31 05:23:14 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

sorry cant post the pics but check it out here:---------

http://www.avolites.org.uk/jokes/brains.htm

2006-08-31 05:05:19 · 19 answers · asked by daisymay 5

Hal & Marge go to the county fair every year, and every year hal wants to go up in the plane ride they offer, and every year marges says "no, cuz it costs 50 bucks and 50 bucks is 50 bucks. Finally as the yrs go by Hal tells marge, "you know im 81 yrs old and i wont be around much longer, all i want is to go up in that plane just once." marge again repeats, "no, cuz it cost 50 bucks and 50 bucks is 50 bucks. The pilot overhears this and offers to take them up for free as long as he doesnt hear one peep out of them. Marge quickly agrees to this free ride. The pilot takes them up and precedes to do every loop, circle upside down thing he can to make them scream to earn his 50 bucks. He cant believe it when he hears not a single word. When he lands the plane and looks back he sees only Hal, who then tells him Marge fell out after the first loop. The pilot screams at him as to why he never said anything, and hal replied. "cuz 50 bucks is 50 bucks.

2006-08-31 05:04:12 · 5 answers · asked by humorme! 3

a health and safety inspector is being shown the workings of a latex factory by the manager. the first thing the manager takes him to see is a machine that makes baby bottle teats. 'hiss.. pop' goes the machine, and the director explains, ‘the hissing sound is caused when the rubber is injected into the mould. the popping sound comes from the needle piercing a hole in the end of the teat.'
the manager then takes the inspector to where the condoms are being manufactured. the machine makes a 'hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss-pop' noise. 'wait a minute!' says the inspector. 'I know what the 'hiss, hiss' is, but why does the machine have a 'pop' sound too?'
'oh, well, its just the same as the baby bottle teat machine,’ says the manager. it pokes a hole in every forth condom.'
'well, that cant be good for the condoms!'
'yeah, but its great for the baby bottle business!'

2006-08-31 05:02:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

The neighborhood mailman noticed that although it was Monday Mr. & Mrs. Smiths cars were still in the driveway. When he got to their box he saw Mr. Smith coming out with bags of empty beer cans and liquor bottles. He said "wow" Stan you must of had one hell of a party last night!, Stan replied, no actually it was Sat. night and were still recovering. We decided to have a block party and just when it was ready to get over someone suggested we play the game "Who am I"......."Who am I"? replied the mailman, never heard of it. Well, Stan said, all the men go in a room and come out with a sheet on them and just their "member" sticking out then the women had to guess which one belonged to her husband. The mailman said, damn im sorry i missed that party. Stan replied, you shouldnt be, they guessed your name about 5 times!

2006-08-31 04:57:24 · 6 answers · asked by humorme! 3

Three men died and went to heaven. Upon entering god asked each how many affairs they had. The first one admitted to having absolutly none and was given a rolls royce. the second admitted to 4 and was given a hyndai accent, the third admitted to many to count and was given a beat up station wagon. One day they all end up at the same red light. The guy in the rolls royce looks very sad and depressed. The 2 others start telling him how lucky he is to have such a nice car, that he was an upstanding husband and should have no reason to be this upset. He then replies, i wasnt until i saw my wife. she was on a skateboard.

2006-08-31 04:47:31 · 8 answers · asked by humorme! 3

a retiring priest decided to take the young man that was going to replace him to meet a very old woman who was on her death bed. He explained to him she was very sick and that she was to be visited everyday until her passing. This made the young man nervous as he had never been in this situation. Upon arriving and speaking with her his nerves got the best of him. She had a bowl of nuts on the table that he preceded to eat on after the other thinking it would calm him. He then noticed he had ate them all and feeling sheepish offered to run to the corner store and purchase so more. The lady replied, oh sonny thats okay i just suck the chocolate off of them. eewww

2006-08-31 04:42:50 · 6 answers · asked by humorme! 3

For 2 points!

2006-08-31 04:40:52 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple

of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom

where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet,

gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,

"You a~s~s~hole..it's three-fifteen in the morning!"

1-10 with your best comment!
Sharin' my smiles..
SmileyCat : )

2006-08-31 04:40:30 · 7 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of Gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few Minutes the man turned to The priest and asked, "Say
Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living,
too much alcohol, contempt for Your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack Of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what He had said, nudged the Man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on So strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

2006-08-31 04:39:41 · 6 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-08-31 04:34:39 · 16 answers · asked by Rock 2

2006-08-31 04:31:43 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are walking in a strange cave and you have no idea where you are or how you got here. As you are walking, you come across some tiles on the floor. They read "AHOY DYE FOOT." Strange.

You pass a second group of tiles which doesn't make much sense. The third pile says "LUG TUNA BLUBBER". You wonder where you would find tuna blubber in this cave, and where you should lug it to.

At that point, you look further down the cave and see that there are many groups of tiles.

How many groups of tiles are there?

2006-08-31 04:26:15 · 10 answers · asked by ranousha 2

2006-08-31 04:21:40 · 15 answers · asked by Rock 2

Thanks

2006-08-31 04:13:00 · 10 answers · asked by Melissa♥ 3

A man walks out of the pub, there are no streetlights on, there is no moon or stars out, he doesnt have a torch, yet he can spot his car at the other end of the street. How?

2006-08-31 03:48:14 · 23 answers · asked by vaniller2 2

2006-08-31 03:37:27 · 33 answers · asked by Lost....Eve 2

How Come?

2006-08-31 03:35:44 · 19 answers · asked by Lost....Eve 2