Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

a butcher came to old mcdonalds farm where all the animals talk he met a cow and a pig what did he say upon meeting the cow and what did say upon meeting the pig

2006-08-31 14:15:11 · 8 answers · asked by funmbi 2

2006-08-31 13:37:50 · 38 answers · asked by trxr4kdz 5

2006-08-31 13:28:56 · 10 answers · asked by sciteach9 2

allow this guy @SS-DRINKER to continue to post his questions when he violates almost every rule in the guide lines?
then the remove a seemingly honest and simple question.

2006-08-31 13:19:44 · 13 answers · asked by bgdadyp 5

2006-08-31 13:19:43 · 12 answers · asked by Kevin H. 3

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his
>wife and pinched her on the butt and said,"If you firm this
>up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose."
>While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
>
>The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on
>each of her breasts and said "You know, if you firmed
>these up, we could get rid of your bra."
>
>This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and
>grabbed him by his penis. With a death grip in place, she
>said,"You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of
>the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother."

2006-08-31 13:12:27 · 9 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

a woman got caught in a burning house one day and suffered severe burns to her face. her husband, sweet man that he was, decided to donate his own skin from his butt so that she could have a skin graft. they agreed to tell no one about where the skin came from, it being a delicate matter. after the surgery was completed, everyone was amazed at how well it turned out. the wife looked more beautiful than ever before! (the husband, meanwhile, couldn’t sit down for a week.) one day the wife was just so overcome with emotion at her husbands sacrifice she said, 'darling, you don’t know how much i appreciate what you have done for me. there is no way I could ever repay you.' to which he replied, ‘my love, think nothing of it. I get thanks enough whenever I see your mother kiss you on the cheek

2006-08-31 13:12:21 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-31 13:00:44 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is the best joke u have ever heard????????????/

2006-08-31 12:57:47 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-31 12:51:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-31 12:33:35 · 12 answers · asked by Giggly Giraffe 7

Tell me a joke or funny something...I would give more than ten points for the best, but can't...Pleeze! Boredom...

2006-08-31 12:28:12 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day, Jimmy got up and went to school. However, by the time he got there, he was late. Jimmy's teacher met him at the door and said "Hey Jimmy!" (Because everyone knows Jimmy!). "Jimmy, you’re late, so now you have to take a pop quiz." Jimmy said, "Alright, what's the question?"
"What is the Capital of Beubaton?"
Jimmy was puzzled. "I don't know what the capital of Beubaton is."
His teacher yelled, "You don't know what the capital of Beubaton is? Everyone knows what the capital of Beubaton is!" and sent him to the principals office.

After waiting a while in the office, the principal pokes out his head and says, "Hey Jimmy (because everyone knows Jimmy!)! What are you doing here today?"
Jimmy said, "Well, I came to school today, but I was late. So my teacher gave me a pop quiz. I wasn’t able to answer the question, so now she sent me here!"
"Well, why couldn't you answer the question, Jimmy?"
Jimmy swallowed loudly. "I don't know what the capital of Beubaton is."
The principal's eyes bulged. "You don't know what the capital of Beubaton is? Everyone knows what the capital of Beubaton is!" And he promptly called Officer Bill.

Soon, Officer Bill came in. "Hey Jimmy (because everyone knows jimmy!)! Jimmy, why have I been called to your school today?"
Jimmy said, "I came to school today, but I was late, so my teacher gave me a pop quiz. However, I wasn't able to answer the question. She sent me to the principal's office, and now he called you!"
Officer Bill asked, "Why couldn’t you answer the question, Jimmy?"
Jimmy looked scared. "Because I don't know what the Capital of Beubaton is."
Officer Bill nearly had a heart attack. "You don't know what the capital of Beubaton is? Everyone knows what the capital of Beubaton is!" And sent him to the city court.

Jimmy entered the court, and the judge pounded his gavel. He looked at Jimmy and said, "Hey, Jimmy (because everyone knows Jimmy!)! Jimmy, why are you in my court again. Haha, I'm just kidding."
Jimmy looked of and said, "I went to school today but I was late, so my teacher gave me a pop quiz. However, I wasn't able to answer the question. She sent me to the principal's office, the principal called Officer Bill, and now he sent me here!"
"Well, Why could you not answer the question, Jimmy?"
Jimmy cringed. "I don't know what the capital of Beubaton is."
The judge's glasses fell off. "You don't know what the capital of Beubaton is? Everyone knows what the capital of Beubaton is!" And as this was out of his hands, Jimmy was sent to the Supreme Court.

Jimmy walked up the stairs into the court. The justices looked down on him and said "Hey, Jimmy (because everyone knows Jimmy!)! Jimmy, why have you been sent here?"
Jimmy sighed. "I went to school today but I was late, so my teacher gave e me a pop quiz. I wasn't able to answer the question, so she sent me to the principal's office. The principal called Officer Bill, officer bill sent me to the city court, and now the city court sent me here!"
"Why couldn't you answer the question Jimmy?"
Jimmy rolled his eyes. "I don't know what the capital of Beubaton is."
Two of the Justices had strokes. "You don't know what the capital of Beubaton is? Everyone knows what the capital of Beubaton is!" And convened in the back room to make a decision and eat pizza.

After a while, they came out again and proclaimed this: "Jimmy, because you are likely the only person on the planet who does not know what the capital of Beubaton is, you will be thrown into the ocean where sharks will eat you and nobody will ever find your remains."

So Jimmy was loaded up into the boat and set off for his final journey. Nearly Half way there, he had an Idea. "Wait, I can just jump off the boat and swim back to shore before these people can throe me into the middle of the ocean where sharks will eat me and nobody will ever find my remains!"

So Jimmy jumped off the boat and began to swim back toward shore. As he was doing this however, a dark shadow appeared below him. It soon rushed out in front of him and emerged from the water. It was the world's largest Great white Shark, I t looked down on poor Jimmy with one beady, mean eye and said: "Hey, Jimmy (because everyone knows Jimmy!)! What are you doing out here in the ocean.
Jimmy took a deep breath. "I went to school today but was late, so my teacher gave me a pop quiz. I wasn't able to answer the question, so she sent me to the principal's office. The principal called Officer Bill, Officer Bill sent me to the city court, the city court sent me to the Supreme Court, and the Supreme Court ordered that I should be thrown into the ocean where sharks will eat me and nobody will ever find my remains. However, I jumped off the boat and started to swim back to shore, and now I'm here!"

"Why weren't you able to answer the question, Jimmy?"
Jimmy heaved a heavy sigh. "I don't know what the capital of Beubaton is."
The shark looked angry. "You don't know what the capital of Beubaton is? Everyone knows what the capital of Beubaton is!" and tried to eat him.

Jimmy was swimming away from the shark, who was catching up fast. Then, he saw an island nearby. On the beach there was a sign the sign read: 'WELCOME TO BEUBATON'. And across the beach, across the street, and across the sidewalk there was an information booth.
"This is great!" thought Jimmy. "Now I can just go across the sand, across the street, and across the sidewalk to the information booth and ask what the capital is!"

So Jimmy escaped the water, crossed the beach, and as he was crossing the street he was hit by a car and died.

WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY?

2006-08-31 12:27:12 · 40 answers · asked by John C 1

If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does
that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

2006-08-31 11:45:17 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

In London's Downing Street there are five houses namely A, B, C, D, E. All these house are huge and wonderful. Any one would love to have either or some or all of them.
But the problem is only one of them remains unfinished, that is, it is still under construction. You gotta tell me which one? Also the reason why.

Once again, first correct logic takes home 10 points.

2006-08-31 11:33:35 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

After a massive search for a treasure, which was lying with a ghost, a man finally reached this house. The man needs a password to enter the house and thereby claim the treasure.
The house gate was marked R88.

Now what is the password so that man can enter and claim that 'ghostly' house? Tell.

(Please Note: The puzzle looks distorted in the font used at Yahoo! Answers. If other fonts were allowed in here, the puzzle would have looked perfect. So look closely. Remember this is a BIG clue which I have given to you guys!)

2006-08-31 11:26:54 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A doctor gets pulled over for speeding. When the cop comes up to the window, the doctor says "i understand why you pulled me over but officer, i'm a doctor and i'm in a bit of a hurry to an emergency porcedure"
The cop seems intrigued, "oh? tell me more"
The doctor continues, "okay well we put this guy under and put a device on his anus which streches it to 6 inches. Once that is done, we put another device that steches it out to 12 inches. Once that is done, we strech keep steching it untill it's 6 feet long."
"What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?" the cop asks.
"you put him on the end of a bridge with a radar gun"

2006-08-31 11:22:14 · 13 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

Take away one letter from below to leave a chair.
HCAIR

Also tell how? Remember first correct explanation wins.

Clue: Observe carefully!!! ha ha ha ....... lol :-)

2006-08-31 11:16:02 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

The word is
ARGU_

Now which letter, OTHER than E and S, can be added to make it a sensible word?

2006-08-31 11:02:26 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

LES-BEES!

lol

2006-08-31 10:56:13 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

3--7--5--5--4--7--6--6--?

What comes in place of ??

2006-08-31 10:54:12 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-31 10:53:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-31 10:49:34 · 22 answers · asked by ilove_twilightmovie08 2

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.



2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.



3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.



4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.



5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.



6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.



7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.



8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.



9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.



10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

2006-08-31 10:48:48 · 17 answers · asked by china 2

An Arab goes into an american bar and says to the waiter:
- Ahrem bahra mahji Coca Cola!
And the waiter very confused reply:
- A Big Cold Glass of what?

2006-08-31 10:48:28 · 15 answers · asked by okay. 2

2006-08-31 10:48:26 · 10 answers · asked by truelyxxx 1

1. if I’ve done something wrong, tell me first thing Monday morning as soon as I get in. its bound to make a good week for me
2. if you have an extremely urgent job for me, run in and ask for a progress report every 10 minutes, stressing that you need it done quickly. that helps a lot. even better, hover behind me as I work-that’s sure to produce a good result
3. always leave without telling anyone where you are going. its good for the soul to have a panic attack when a decision has to be made and you’re not there to approve it
4. never give me urgent work in the morning. always wait until 4 p.m. and then bring it in to me. the challenging of a deadline is refreshing
5. keep me working until 8 p.m. every night. I have no life, no family to go home to. please realize this and keep e busy every waking second so I don’t dwell on it
6. if i do a job well, don’t tell anyone. it’ll be our little secret. on the other hand, if I do a terrible job, please tell everyone. its important that we all know our worth in the office environment
7. if you have special instructions for a job, don’t tell me what they are. The best thing is to wait until the job is completed, and then tell me what I should have done. No use confusing me with useful information
8. don’t give me my annual leave when I want it. Instead, dish it out one day at a time, so I’m not tempted to take an exciting overseas holiday
9. when you show clients around the building and into our private offices, never bother to introduce me to the people you are with. You and I both know I mean nothing to the company, so don’t even glance in my direction as you stand in front of my desk talking with them
10. confide in me about your financial woes. I especially like hearing about all the tax you have to pay on that 10k bonus you got at Christmas last year

2006-08-31 10:46:52 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

okii mr. and mrs. smith have 6 daughters... each daughter has one brother how many ppl are in the family?!!!

2006-08-31 10:38:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.php4arabs.net/justmed2003/riddle/index.html

the link above lead to a riddle dedicated for medical related things in an ambiguous way , the idea itself is existed already but the medical thing is new .... for people who are health-oriented in a way or another , try it :D

2006-08-31 10:12:30 · 8 answers · asked by abooodi 3

He said he wouldn't see me again until next month!!!!!
Why???????

2006-08-31 10:01:28 · 16 answers · asked by beth81962 3