I need something funny...?

Question

Tell me a joke or funny something...I would give more than ten points for the best, but can't...Pleeze! Boredom...

Answer 1

What do you get when you put three lesbians and three truck dispacthers in the same room ?.............................................................................................. 6 people that don't do dick.

Answer 2

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.


Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by
the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Answer 3

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened,
their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before
and they had carefully preserved his hide.
They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up
in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people
will keep coming to the zoo.
Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money,
so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage.
The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience
and they just eat it up.
This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show,
jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.
During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance
and crashes through some safety netting,
landing square in the middle of the lion cage!
As he lies there stunned, the lion roars.
He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"
The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest
and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!

Answer 4

What Is Politics?

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?

Father: Sure, son. What's the question?

Son: What is politics?

Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me “Tony Blair.” Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her “Gordon Brown.” We take care of your needs, so we'll call you “the People.” We'll call the maid “the Working Class,” and your baby brother we can call “the Future.” Do you understand, son?

Son: I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.

Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?

Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of s-h-i-t.

Answer 5

Right there with ya' here's a good one

a Chinese man is in the US and he cant speak English. So he goes around and listens to everything he hears. 1st he goes to the restaurant and hears a wait or saying "here are your forks and knives,forks and knives". He memorizes that. then he goes 2 the candy store and sees a little kid getting candy. he says "goodie goodie gum-drop!". he memorizes that. then he goes 2 the car dealership and a drunken man is taking a test run on a car. he goes 2 the car dealer and says "let me drive". The Chinese Man memorizes that too.
Then he decides to try his words out by taking a walk. He runs into a dead man. the police stop him and say... "how'd u kill this man?" The man replies "forks and knives, forks and knives"

Next the police says "you know its against the law, so your gonna go to jail"

The man replies "goodie goodie gum-drop"

The police says "get in the car your going 2 jail"

The man replies "let me drive"






Hope it made you laugh! If it didn't, that was a waste of like 10 minutes. Oh well, at least it gave me something 2 do since I'm SOO bored.

Answer 6

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and ratherArabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called aPrincess and I take orders from no one."

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing abeat, "Well, sweet- cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, B*^ch."

Answer 7

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

Answer 8

Confusious say: Man who stand on toilet....is high on pot.

Confusious also say: Man who go through turnstile sideways at airport...always going to Bangkok.

You welcome,
Guitarzan30

Answer 9

A young couple had been married for a couple of weeks, and the man was always after his wife to quit smoking.



One afternoon, she lit up after some lovemaking, and he said, "You really ought to quit."



She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex."



He replied, "But they stunt your growth."



She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he never had.



Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your excuse?"

Answer 10

Why the computer cross the road,

Because it was programmed by a chicken.

Answer 11

Dwl sum standup by Brian Regan..he is soo funny