Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-16 17:43:04 · 27 answers · asked by sunny b 1

George came home one day, very excited.

"Do you know what they are saying?" he asked his wife Jean, "they say our janitor has slept with every woman in this building except for one!"

Jean responded "That must be that girl from number 32; no one likes her!"

2006-08-16 17:39:04 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Confucius Says
- Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

- Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

- He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.

- Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

- Man who make love to girl on hill...he not on level.

- Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet.

- Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.

- Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

2006-08-16 17:18:38 · 13 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

2006-08-16 17:17:52 · 24 answers · asked by seth 2

What a woman says:

This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears:

blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!

2006-08-16 17:16:59 · 4 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

A sneaker I'm not, though much the same
(Just think of what I do)
My only master comes up lame,
If I should be run through.

Left or right, to or fro,
I'll take you anywhere,
I often take a welcome rest
When master's in repair.

What am I?

2006-08-16 17:01:56 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Funniest jokes get a automatic 10 points! No you mama jokes please. Or you can anwser the question ,Whats the joke about the tribe catching the 3 guys and they having to put fruits up them.?

2006-08-16 16:59:44 · 20 answers · asked by ? 5

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

2006-08-16 16:42:16 · 14 answers · asked by julie r 1

2006-08-16 16:27:40 · 5 answers · asked by Coffee-Infused Insomniac 2

okay the word is IMPORTANT change it around to see what word u get. 1.move the A between the M and P. 2.replace the R with an E. 3.move the first letter to the end. 4. exchange the P and the 6th letter. 5.change the 7th letter to an A. 6. add an S to the front. 7. add a C to the end. 8.make the 5th letter an H. 9. move the first letter to the end. 10. make the 6th letter an M. please show how u got the answer and i will pick for best answer

2006-08-16 16:15:04 · 20 answers · asked by keyshia w 2

A man that lived on a 21 foot building went to work. He got on the elevator and went to the 1st floor to work. After he finished working, he went back on the elevator, click on the number 14 and ran up the stairs all the way to his room and did the same thing the next day.
WHY? * i already know the answer

2006-08-16 16:13:41 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

this isn't a joke but funny..

I just met the new neighbors.. They are gay and their names are ready for this....

Neal & Bob. I immediately pictured them doing exactly that. Isn't that terrible. I was cracking up inside.

2006-08-16 16:09:14 · 10 answers · asked by julie r 1

I'm writing a parody of Snakes on a plane for Radio.
The premise is 3 friends are on a plane and the young blonde girl of the group goes to the lavatory on the plane and comes back and tells her 2 other friends she found a snake in the bathroom.
They all get frantic until 1 of the guys in the group goes to investigate and finds out that the what the young blonde lady found wasn't a snake, but.................

Give me your dumb blonde answer here.

Thanks!

2006-08-16 16:03:27 · 6 answers · asked by mzmarlo 1

A duck walks into a grocery store and asks the man at the counter if they got any grapes. The man replies with a no. The next day the duck walks into the same grocery store and asks the same man the same question. "NO! and if u ask me again i'll staple ur feet to the floor", he answered. So the next day the duck duck walks into the same grocery store and walks up to the man and asks, " Do u got any staples?" The man replied no. " Well in tht case, you got any grapes?"

2006-08-16 15:54:34 · 57 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-16 15:52:48 · 6 answers · asked by scorpionanand 2

SOMEBODY help me, last time...but i still HAVE MORE QUESTIONS That NEED answering...Why cant I fly? IF you could fly what would you do? i would FLY away :D, maybe to the nearest taco stand, or to the store to get me some applejuice to wash down the chicken nuggets, taco with no meat, popcorn, Biscuits, and poptarts! i lOVE poptarts commercials they make me laugh, do they make you laugh??? whats is your favorite kind of poptarts? mine is the red kind! u know what i mean! right??? Have you ever taken candy from a little kid, i did, but then i gave it back....the flavor was blue kind, you know what i mean, Right??? well anyway, Does Pee wee herman scare you? its scares me, but my friend wants to marry him, dont you think thats wierd??? shes kind of wierd anyway though....Dont YOU think so??? speaking of apple juice, how do they make it so JUICY Like??? I mean, its all liquidy like and brownish goldish like...PLEASE help i dont know when im ever gonna get quizzed on this!!!

2006-08-16 15:49:51 · 4 answers · asked by Becky♥ 2

2006-08-16 15:38:40 · 19 answers · asked by Nikki 3

2006-08-16 15:38:10 · 6 answers · asked by Nikki 3

There was a boy whose parents were very strict in his upbringing.
They never allowed him to meet any girls, except his own relatives. However, one day he saw one of his best friends kissing a girl and he went to his mother and asked her what they were doing.
His mother told him, "It's called kissing and any boy who does that to a girl will die that very minute!"
On his 21st birthday he went out with some friends who introduced him to one of the sweetest girls around town.
She knew that he had never been kissed before.
When she eventually got some time alone with him, she tried to kiss him but he resisted. She asked him, "What are you afraid of, it won't hurt."
He said, "My mother said if I kiss a girl I'll die this very minute!!"
She replied, "Don't be a baby, now come on kiss me."
With that she gave him a hot one square across the lips.
He began to cry, "Oh no I'm going to die!!!"
She said, "Why are you going to die??"
He replied, "I've just kissed you and already one part of me has begun to get stiff!!"

2006-08-16 15:36:09 · 22 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-08-16 15:33:45 · 15 answers · asked by Nikki 3

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"

After the doctor stops laughing he says, " Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping." The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for it.

They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress and as her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks:

"What the hell was that?"

The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."

The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"

2006-08-16 15:33:23 · 8 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

judges= me sis nd my cuz

2006-08-16 15:28:55 · 16 answers · asked by katykid93 2

gimme some fin.... noggin... duuuuuuuude lol can u tell me where i got this from? lol i taught my little two year old cousin to do that, its soo cute!!!

2006-08-16 15:21:42 · 14 answers · asked by rjekqlw 5

Was this a mistake on google's part?


1- Go to www.google.com

2- Type in Failure

3- Look at the first listing and laugh at what comes up

2006-08-16 15:16:16 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-16 15:12:01 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

SEVEN days makes one WEEK...SEVEN days of SEX makes one WEAK...but NO SEX in a WEEK makes one SICK...however, GREAT SEX once a WEEK makes one SEEK!!!

2006-08-16 15:05:23 · 22 answers · asked by blackangel 2

There are 10 types of people in the world...

(Everybody who answers get 10 points, but the best answer gets more. Can you finish it now? And while you're at it, do you know which type of person you are?)

2006-08-16 15:03:15 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

it's thankgiving and a boy goes in the kitchen where his mom is dressing the turkey she cuts herself and she says f*** the boy is like what's f*** she says dressing. so he goes into the bathroom where his dad is shaving and he cuts himself and he says s**t the boy is like what's s**t the dad says shaving cream s he goes out in the backyard where his grandma and grandpa are playing dirty in the hottub the grandma says i'm tired of all these b*****s and bas****s the boy is like what's b****s and bas****s and the grandma says boys and girls...so he goes in the dining room to and says....hello all you b****s and bas***s my mom is in the kitchen f*****g up the turkey and my dad is in the bathroom putting s**t on his face.

2006-08-16 14:54:58 · 38 answers · asked by zacsgrl212 1

Tell me your answer and I will come back in 1/2 hour with the right answer.

2006-08-16 14:48:53 · 8 answers · asked by Jacks036 5

A man was so proud of his fancy new Cadillac that he invited a priest, a minister, and a rabbi to come and bless it. The priest approached the auto, sprinkled holy water over it, and chanted in Latin. The minister invoked the name of the almighty and led them all in silent prayer. The rabbi sang a psalm and cut off the end of the tailpipe.

2006-08-16 14:45:45 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous