Anyone know any good jokes?

Answer 1

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -
make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts,
etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,
leg cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage
shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint
conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub
for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and
jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas.





HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of
the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at
her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your
butt.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your
armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water
rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the
shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and
surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs
stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain
was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,
light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener
at her and make the woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh
at the truth behind this, there is something so
very wrong with you.

Have a great day! And, "woo woo"!!!

Answer 2

I have 2:

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are stuck on an island 20 miles away from land. The red head swims ten miles, is too tired to go further, and drowns. The brunette swims fifteen miles, is too tired to go further, and drowns. The blonde swims 19 1/2 miles but is too tired to go further and swims back.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head are pursued by police. They see three bags and all jump in. The police come by, kick the bag the red-head is in. The red head says "meow" so the police think it's just kittens. They do the same for the brunette, and this time she says, "Ruff." The police think it's just a puppy. They kick the bag with the blonde, she says, "Potatoes!"
hahaha

Answer 3

There was this man and woman, and they were married. Well, the woman was always horny and wanted sex all the time. The husband had to go away on a business trip and needed something to keep his wife satisfies until he got back. He went to a pleasure place looking for dildos. He walked in and asked to see all the dildos. the man took all of them out except for one. the man told him he wanted to see the one in the box. the man said that it wasn't for sale. He finally talked him into taking it out and looking at it. the man said,"this is a voodoo dick. let me demonstrate. Voodoo dick the keyhole." the voodoo dick went over to the door and started doing to keyhole. the man said,"voodoo dick back in your box." Well the man finally talked him into letting him buy the voodoo dick. He took it home and told his wife that whenever she got horny just say voodoo dick my pussy. he left and she got really horny and said,"voodoo dick my pussy." well she had an orgasm and wanted it to stop. she couldn't get it to stop, she tried pulling at it hitting it and everything. she got in her car to go to the doctor to see if hecould stop it. her foot kept hitting the gas really hard and a cop pulled her over. he asked her what she was doing and she told him about the voodoo dick. The cop smurked and said,"yeah, voodoo my ***."!!!!


LOL!!! i love this one

Answer 4

Yo mama's so nasty, a skunk smelled her *** and passed out.
Yo mama's so nasty, her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.
Yo mama's so nasty, her **** give sour milk.
Yo mama's so nasty, I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
Yo mama's so nasty, I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.
Yo mama's so nasty, she bit the dog and gave it rabies.
Yo mama's so nasty, she bought her boyfriend kneepads for Christmas.
Yo mama's so nasty, she breeds crabs.
Yo mama's so nasty, she calls Janet "Miss Jackson."
Yo mama's so nasty, she had sex with a woman and got pregnant.
Yo mama's so nasty, she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."
Yo mama's so nasty, she has more crabs then Red Lobster.
Yo mama's so nasty, she made Right Guard turn left.
Yo mama's so nasty, she made Speed Stick slow down.
Yo mama's so nasty, she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.
Yo mama's so nasty, she pours salt water in her drawers to keep the crabs alive.
Yo mama's so nasty, she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.
Yo mama's so nasty, she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.
Yo mama's so nasty, she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!
Yo mama's so nasty, she's got more clap than an auditorium.
Yo mama's so nasty, they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head.
Yo mama's so nasty, when I went to your house said what's for dinner, yo mama jumped up on the table, spread her legs, and said "crabs!"
Yo mama's so nasty, when I went to your house said what's for dinner, yo mama put her foot up on the table and said "Corn!"
Yo mama's so nasty, when she did the splits, she stuck to the floor

Answer 5

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages. I hope, it helps u.

Answer 6

hahahahaha