Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

There was a blonde cop that pulled over a blonde lady that had been speeding on the highway, the blonde cop walked up to the window and asked to see her license and registration. The blonde driver finds her registration but cannot find her license. So the blonde driver asks the blonde cop, "What does it look like?" The blonde cop replied, "It's kind of square and has a picture of you on it..." So the blonde driver fumbles around a little bit more in her car to find it... she finally came across a square compact, opened it and saw that it was her! She handed the compact to the blonde cop as her license, when the blonde cop opened it she said "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am... I didn't know you were a cop...!"

2006-08-17 04:00:11 · 6 answers · asked by Fatty McButterpants 5

i'm not 13 i'm almost 14

2006-08-17 03:55:02 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were two blondes. One blonde askes the other, "hey do yo remember the suitcase we found at the park the other day?"
"Which one?" askes the other blonde
"The suitcase that had all those bills in it" says the first blonde.
"Ah, yes, i remember," says the second blonde, "I'm slowly paying them off"

2006-08-17 03:44:02 · 19 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

A man has a fox, a chicken, and some corn, he wants to bring them across the river on his small raft. He can only take on of the three things across at a time, and he cant leave the chicken with the corn or the fox with the chicken at any time or one of them will be eaten. How does he manage to get them all across safely taking only one across at a time?

Im sure many people know this one, but I was actually able to stump a few people with it yesterday!

2006-08-17 03:41:58 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

in days to arrive in Canada

2006-08-17 03:40:31 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

is there anything you would like to ask hippo, goose or Mrs Pilkinton?
If you post your questions here, they'll be happy to reply to the best ones. (providing they can get hippo out of the tree he's stuck in)

2006-08-17 03:39:50 · 15 answers · asked by markhatter 6

a man named bo was taking a bath.His doorbell rang.he put on a towel went to the door to answer it.a police officer was standing outside."I arrested the theives!"the officer cried."Great.bye."bo said.he went back to his bathroom took off his towel and went back in the tub.5 min.later the doorbell rang again.bo got out of the tub put on his towel to answer the door.a girl was standing outside."Would you like to buy Girl Scout cookies?"she asked."no.bye."bo said.he went back in the tub.the doorbell rang again 5 min.later.bo put on a towel to answer the door.a blind man with big black glasses was there.oh he's blind,bo thought.i can take off my towel.so bo took off his towel.he stood there naked."Guess what?"the blind man asked." I'm not blind anymore!"
get it?

2006-08-17 03:23:11 · 21 answers · asked by ♥dylan♥sprouse♥ 2

A girl came skipping home from school one day."Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother."Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school."Mummy, Mummy," she yelled,"we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother."Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school."Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?""No...it's because you're 25" ...lol

2006-08-17 03:14:07 · 28 answers · asked by Filo 2

Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where?

2006-08-17 03:02:24 · 13 answers · asked by Lady 3

finish this???

2006-08-17 02:58:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

ann summers ltd:

thank you for your recent order of a large red vibrator as pictured on our wall display, please reselect as this is..........................

2006-08-17 02:58:43 · 11 answers · asked by l3londe_l3imbo2001 2

One Liners

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman:"Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman:"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman:"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman:"Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under the rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman:"Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman:"That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman:"I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman:"No Parking."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman:"Do Not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman:"Unfertilized!"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."
Woman:"Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman:"You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman:"Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman:"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman:"Ohhhh, you're so right. I want you... to leave."

Man: "If I could just see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman:"Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

Man: "Hey, cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman:"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman:"Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous."
Woman:"Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman:"Go back to sleep."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?"
Woman:"What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?"

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman:"Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman:"Yes, but would you stay there?"

2006-08-17 02:50:20 · 23 answers · asked by eiddet c 1

10 pts. for answer w/explanation...

In a contest, four fruits (an apple, a banana, an oranage, and a pear)
have been placed in four closed boxes (One fruit per box). People may
guess which fruit is in which box. 123 people participate in the
contest. When the boxes are opened, it turns out that 43 people have
guessed none of the fruits correctly, 39 people have guess one of the
fruits correctly, and 31 people have guessed two fruits correctly. How
many people have guessed three fruits correctly, and how many have
guessed four fruits correctly?

2006-08-17 02:49:47 · 4 answers · asked by xxxx 2

2006-08-17 02:40:22 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A German, an American, and a Mexican are traveling in the Amazon, and they get captured.

The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times.

When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American. He responds, "I'll take the Mexican."

2006-08-17 02:29:51 · 22 answers · asked by Lady 3

Write the riddle. Then a couplee lines down write the answet.

2006-08-17 02:28:45 · 15 answers · asked by fb0581 3

A man married 25 years took a look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, a nice car, a big bed and a big-screen plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

But his wife was a very reasonable woman.

She told him to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she'd make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed.

2006-08-17 02:24:35 · 25 answers · asked by Lady 3

A blonde young woman was tired of constantly being portrayed as having less intelligence because of her hair color... and she decided to do something about it....

One day, she dyed her hair dark, and went for a drive...coming upon a ranch, she finds the rancher leaning against the fence, and she pulls over. Looking out at his field she sees this huge flock of sheep, and asks him, "If I can guess how many sheep you have in that field, can I have one?"... The old rancher looks at her, and says, "yup, I reckon that'd be alright"...
She rattles off a number, and the rancher, surprised, confirms that she did in fact get the correct number, and tells her to go pick out her sheep.
After she gets the animal she has chosen, loaded into the back seat of her car.... the old rancher asks......

"Lady, if I guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

2006-08-17 02:15:21 · 13 answers · asked by thewrangler_sw 7

Why do we celebrate Christmas on Dec. 25th? Is there anything in the bible that explains this as being his true birthday?

2006-08-17 02:13:31 · 10 answers · asked by tiny rain drops 2

supandi:giv me a mineral water bottle please
shopkeeper:take this sir
supandi:i said dont cheat me it says"bacteria free" where is my bacteria

teacher:raghu tell me where is charminar
raghu:i donno mam
teacher:stand up on the bench
raghu:i still cant see it mam

teacher:which is the holiest river in india
ramu:ganga
teacher:raghu tell me where does it start from
raghu:ganga startes from"g"mam

raghu is teaching his cousin alphabets
ramu:i dont understand y is b before c
raghu:beacuse you have 2 be "b" before "c" 2 be able 2 see(c)

judge:y did u steal the necklace from the jewelry shop
thief:there was a board out side the shop which said"dont miss the golden oppurtunity"

2006-08-17 02:07:40 · 6 answers · asked by Sai♥Pranav 3

In an alternate dimension, three mutant brothers preserve the peace in the world, Iceboy w/ a mutant power of Ice, Fireboy w/ a mutant power of Fire and Whatboy the youngest of the two, overprotected by his two brothers,his mutant power is unknown until this incident. One day a CuteyPretty Evil Witch gained power and aims to rule the world, the brothers are tasked to stop her and goes to her lore.The witch is well prepared of the brothers except the youngest. Once the brothers reached D withch's lore the battle commenced. First,Fireboy powers the witch but looses his power when soaked with eternal water.Then,Iceboy powers up aided his bro but again looses his power with fierce eternal flame. Whatboy is left to fight the witch, everyone there is clueless on what he will do.Suddenly,Whatboy morphed into a Giant huMale Soldier with two bomb like Balls,the witch reacted,"Holy Broomstick! Its too Big",Whatboy rushes like missile hits the witchs fragile black hole, weaking her & Saving D Day

2006-08-17 02:01:41 · 13 answers · asked by Kheisofuzen 3

2006-08-17 01:57:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

When someone says, 'It's not the money, it's the principal', nine times out of ten it's the money.

2006-08-17 01:40:58 · 70 answers · asked by Anonymous

Richard Gere is well known and admired for his lustrous hair, perfect complexion and disco. Known around LA as Disco Dick - the dick with a disco - Richard dances like a little monkey then returns home at dawn to cry himself to sleep on his SpongeBob SquarePants pillow.

2006-08-17 01:37:38 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

two men walk into a bar and see a gentleman sitting at a table. one man looks at the other and says " i know a little something about that gentleman sitting there, let me tell you. brothers and sisters i have none, this mans father is my fathers son. who is he to me?"

2006-08-17 01:30:07 · 28 answers · asked by BIG DADDY 3

If you have a choice to listen to a clean comedian,,,what type of material would you like to hear?

2006-08-17 01:29:27 · 9 answers · asked by broman71925 1

2006-08-17 01:19:27 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Is it possible for a child to be born on 15 May 1658, then die aged 8 months on 24 January of the same year?

2006-08-17 00:58:07 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous

A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.

"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."

2006-08-17 00:48:10 · 13 answers · asked by EL Big Ed 6

Do you think it will work , now that it's been contanimated??

2006-08-17 00:39:21 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous