Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

The music stops and a women dies. why?

2006-07-21 03:31:52 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-21 03:31:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I went to the doctor yesterday and told him 'Doc I've hurt my arm in several places'

The doc said 'well, dont go there any more'

2006-07-21 03:31:20 · 10 answers · asked by surdy 2

Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here. No one knows your secret place.
You are in total seclusion.
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under the water.

There now. Feeling better?

Find these and more @ http://www.aztec-net.com/~trunorth/jtales.html

2006-07-21 03:25:47 · 3 answers · asked by trunorth36 1

my last one was so easy that i decided to do a harder one:
Romeo and Julliet were found by a cop dead on the floor, there is glass and water everywhere and a cat sleeping, how did they die?

2006-07-21 03:24:00 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

P.S. They are already blue so don't say blue you idiot

2006-07-21 03:21:56 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

S R O C E T
O O T D R A M

2006-07-21 03:20:40 · 11 answers · asked by miracles 1

I took my rottweiler, Walter, to the vet last week because he is really cross-eyed.
Is there anything you can do for him,I asked the vet.
The vet picked up Walter and examined his eyes, then his teeth and all around his body. He looked really serious and then said 'I'm going to have to put Walter down'
No, No I cried you're going to put him down just because he's cross-eyed?
No replied the vet --- because he's really heavy and my arms are tired holding him

2006-07-21 03:13:59 · 9 answers · asked by surdy 2

I dont know who it was, --- but someone complimented me on my driving yesterday.
They left a little note on my windscreen which said :-
Parking Fine

That was really nice of them to take the time --- made my day

2006-07-21 03:07:06 · 6 answers · asked by surdy 2

2006-07-21 03:00:57 · 34 answers · asked by Farad 2

I cant get any ice cream anymore cause the man in the ice cream van was found dead in his van ----- he was completely covered in 'hundreds & thousands'.

Police think he topped himself

2006-07-21 03:00:35 · 17 answers · asked by surdy 2

Well.......science students get to disect frogs in the lab.The human body is probably more complex.Then why not disect humans who just passed away?

2006-07-21 02:48:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q1) "High Voltage" & "Ballbreaker" are just 2 of the albums by which group?

Q2) Which educational establishment in Utah is known as B.Y.U.?

Q3) In Physics, what type of length is represented by the small Greek letter "lambda?"

Q4) With which group did Damon Albarn originally sing for?

Q5) What is the study of poisons called?

Q6) Which planet in the solar system was discovered in 1846?

Q7) Who wrote the opera La Traviata?

Q8) Phengophobia is the fear of?

Q9) Which American city is served by Dulles Airport?

Q10) Who voices the cowboy doll 'Woody' in the film Toy Story?

Q11) What word links these 3 words: ambulance, field, pocket?

Q12) Which singer's daughter is called Lourdes Maria?

Q13) What replaced English as the official language of Kenya in 1974?

Q14) With which instrument is Larry Adler associated?

Q15) Which musician (rock singer) is known as "The Boss?"

Q16) In the suburbs of which modern Egyptian city would you find the pyramids?

Q17) What does NATO stand for?

Q18) What animal appears on the label of Levi 500 jeans?

Q19) Which of the U.S. states borders only one other state?

Q20) What is the general currency (monies) used in Pakistan?

Q21) Which TV cartoon series based in Springfield started life on the Tracey Ullman show?

Q22) Which U S president was fatally shot in 1881?

Q23) Which animal has the latin name Bos grunniens?

Q24) In which town or city in the north-west is the Rylands Library?

Q25) What is the capital city of Ukraine?

2006-07-21 02:46:10 · 15 answers · asked by Robin V 3

A young man goes into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a condom. the young man says, "You see my girlfriend invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me." So the pharmacist gives him a condom. On his way out he says, "You now what, my girlfriends sister is really cute and she crosses her legs real provocatively when she sees me I think she may be expecting something from me too, you should give me one more." The pharmacist gives him a second condom.The young man turns around and says, "Just to be safe my girlfriends mom is real hot too and she looks at me funny when I see her and after all, she is having me over for dinner, give me one more condom." The pharmacist does so.That night the young man is seated at the table with his girlfriend on the right the sister on the left and the mother directly across from himself. The father comes in to sit down and the young man offers a prayer. He bows his head and begins to pray, "Dear God, thank you for all you d

2006-07-21 02:44:05 · 6 answers · asked by ticklefoot 4

2006-07-21 02:37:44 · 14 answers · asked by beavis 2

" My ten year old is telling me that she scared the bed and it wet itself "

2006-07-21 02:28:57 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is the next letter?
A C F J O _
What are the next 3 number's?
1 3 6 10 15 21 _ _ _

2006-07-21 02:28:34 · 22 answers · asked by Dior 2

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy,
"You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you
guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the
pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep
any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a
fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared
and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I
told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah could nay get meself a
shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in charge of supplies, boot ah
could nay fin' him either."
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand
to look for the Chinese guy ...
Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and
yells . . . . . .

"SUPPLIES!"

2006-07-21 02:18:38 · 13 answers · asked by flange2034 2

A Redheaded mom walks into her daughter's room, finds a beer bottle and says, "I never knew my daughter drank!"
A Brunette walks into her daughter's room, finds a pack of cigarettes and says, "I never knew my daughter smoked!"

A Blond mom walks into her daughter's room and finds a condom.

She says, "I never knew my daughter had a penis!"

2006-07-21 02:01:18 · 13 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

The doctor forgot to take her tights off.

2006-07-21 01:52:23 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm looking for any clean jokes to make me laugh today. Have you received any in your e-mail today that you can cut and paste? Thanks.

2006-07-21 01:45:16 · 8 answers · asked by Mommymonster 7

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."
The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and tells them what happened, and his dad agrees, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for you!"
************************************
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say?
"Baaaaaa"

2006-07-21 01:37:43 · 9 answers · asked by sistah2sista 1

2006-07-21 01:30:54 · 7 answers · asked by ashish 1

Adam was in the Garden of Eden feeling lonely when he decided to ask God a favor.
Adam said, "I am lonely. Could you make me a companion to share my life with?"

God replied, "What do you have in mind?"

Adam said, "I would like a female with beautiful eyes, shiny hair, and soft skin. Someone who will never get tired of me and never argue with me. Someone who I can talk to endlessly about football. You know, someone I will want to be with forever.

God said, "Sure, I can do that for you, however it will cost you an arm and a leg."

Adam said, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"

2006-07-21 01:30:16 · 19 answers · asked by sistah2sista 1

2006-07-21 01:24:36 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid says, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humouring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

2006-07-21 00:59:51 · 23 answers · asked by flange2034 2

2006-07-21 00:51:52 · 9 answers · asked by eweyhalders 1

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed and she seemed rather bored.
"What do you wanna do now?" he asked.
"I wanna be weighed," she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy.
"What else she would like to do?" he asked her.
"I wanna be weighed," she said. I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and decided to take the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early.
"What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?"
"Absowutewy wousy," said the girl.

2006-07-21 00:43:41 · 16 answers · asked by sistah2sista 1

What is the first three things which you would do if you married a pig?

2006-07-21 00:32:37 · 19 answers · asked by Rachana K 1

A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident. Both cars are totaled, but luckily no one was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said, "Wow, just look at our cars! They are destroyed. Fortunately, we aren't hurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God! "

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.... My car is completely ruined but this bottle of wine didn't break. It's a sign that God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man agreed, opened the bottle and drank half, and then handed it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.

The man asked, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replied, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police"

2006-07-21 00:29:27 · 16 answers · asked by sistah2sista 1