2006-07-21 02:37:44 · 14 answers · asked by beavis 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Holliday Eats
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line.
She also wants him to put the words "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Claus with "Merry Christmas" on her left thigh just below the bikini line.
So the guy does that one and it turns out pretty good as well.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She replies, "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there is nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
2006-07-21 21:58:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
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A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff!"
These all came from this site and none of them are mine, but I thought they were funny as hell.
2006-07-21 09:48:28 · answer #2 · answered by India 55 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a bit rude and disgusting, but it will cheer you up.
A girl is walking home from school with her mum and she sees two frogs mating. She says, "Mummy what are they doing?" Her mother replies, "They are making buns." She gets home and sees her rabbits mating. She says, "Mummy what are they doing?" Her mother replies, "They are making buns." In the morning her mother comes downstairs and the girl says to her, "Mummy, were you and daddy making buns last night because I licked the icing off the sofa?!"
lol told you it was rude and disgusting! lol
2006-07-21 10:19:49 · answer #3 · answered by PeachyPies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
2. A missed opportunity: a busload of lawyers with one empty seat went over a cliff.
2006-07-21 10:00:52 · answer #4 · answered by Killmaster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A duck walks into a bar. The barman says 'we dont serve ducks here'
I forget why that was supposed to be funny now.
2006-07-21 09:44:45 · answer #5 · answered by Steve A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is Black, White and red all over.
A)Newspaper
I know that's an old one, My 6year old granddaughter just told it to me. The old jokes must be doing the rounds at school.
2006-07-21 10:13:04 · answer #6 · answered by Eunice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you know that the bird flu has mutated and become a sexually transmitted disease? It's called chirpes. It's a canarial disease, and it's untweetable.
2006-07-21 09:41:31 · answer #7 · answered by cross-stitch kelly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two guys walk into a bar,
You would have thought one of them would have seen it.
2006-07-21 09:43:00 · answer #8 · answered by Thrasher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good friend sent me this today! Enjoy!
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/singingman7777/Beginning.htm
2006-07-22 16:34:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i walked into this pub i said to the barmaid you have got spanner eyes ....she said what do you mean by that i said that every time i look at you my nuts tighten up
2006-07-24 10:43:42 · answer #10 · answered by firepower06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋