Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

bone?

Get ya own.

2006-07-27 19:14:30 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

If the number of your best answers happens to coincide with my favourite number, I'l add another best answer to your list. How about that?

2006-07-27 19:07:29 · 24 answers · asked by shortgirl 3

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her it will be $300 she exclaims, "I don't have any money. But I would do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland."

To that the man asks, "Anything?" And the blonde says "Yes...anything!" With that, the man says "Follow me." He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does.

He then says, "Get on your knees." She does.

He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does.

He then says, "Go ahead... Take it out." With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.

The man then says, "Well. Go ahead!" She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips she says, "Hello? Mom?"

2006-07-27 19:02:27 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman.

"Make love to me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye.

"Make love to me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

"Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."

On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive.

"Make love to me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered.

As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot.

"**** me here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted.

Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again.

When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"

2006-07-27 19:02:09 · 6 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

glasses?

Better watch dat sh!t ...they're Versace.

Baby you ain't breaking my stuff again.

2006-07-27 19:00:58 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.

Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle."

2006-07-27 18:54:27 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do most people think is beautiful when it is dying?

2006-07-27 18:49:13 · 9 answers · asked by Kim 2

Everything y'all do is so so sexy.

From ya smile to the way you walk.

Hot damn I love earth.

2006-07-27 18:46:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three women go out to a nightclub to see male dancers.One of the women wants to impress the others, so she pulls out a $10 bill and waves the dancer over. She licks the $10 bill and sticks it to his left buttock. Not to be outdone, the second woman pulls out the $20 bill, licks it, and slaps it on the other cheek. The dancer looks down at the third woman and raises his eyebrows. Thinking for a minute, she reaches into her purse. She pulls out her ATM card, swipes it down the crack, grabs the $30, and goes home....

lolz

2006-07-27 18:37:09 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 18:29:28 · 14 answers · asked by maxvijay2003 3

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands. But it also lit up her arm, too! Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street. A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.
When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."

2006-07-27 18:20:30 · 48 answers · asked by stophatinboo 3

If heat rises why is hell down??

2006-07-27 18:15:29 · 16 answers · asked by sunnychick 3

I take you hither.
I take you thither.
I am made deliberatly.
I am made incidentally.
People seems to think I will always
take you to this ancient city.

2006-07-27 18:07:29 · 13 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for an apparent heart attack the gentleman had. When the squad got there is was too late and the man had died.

While consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed that the bed was a mess. He asked the lady what symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had precipitated the heart attack.

The lady replied, "Well, we were in the bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming, but I guess he was going."

2006-07-27 18:02:00 · 5 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

A dwarven cleric, a barbarian, and a sorcerer walk into a bar...

2006-07-27 17:56:27 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

5. Long distance companies don't call you to switch anymore.

5. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

6. You rob Peter... and then rob Paul.

7. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

8. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

9. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

10. McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

11. At communion you go back for seconds.

12. You wash your toilet paper.

13. You have to save up to be poor.

14. You're in college.

15. On thanksgiving your dad would bring home a picture of a thanksgiving meal.

16. You owe yourself money.

17. You are sterilizing your urine for reconsumption.

18. Your imaginary friend has more money than you.

2006-07-27 17:46:52 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-27 17:39:02 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A joke will be posted once an hour yay to get caught up hehe okay now the joke...


A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his fifth grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the professor as he put the first worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

2006-07-27 17:05:02 · 8 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-27 16:51:42 · 32 answers · asked by blossomingcactus 3

Im bored. ill give 10 points to the person with the best scary story.

2006-07-27 16:47:50 · 25 answers · asked by mmk. 2

2006-07-27 16:44:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Is water really just raw ice cubes?

2006-07-27 16:36:01 · 7 answers · asked by scratchwhiplash 5

2006-07-27 16:24:36 · 13 answers · asked by Cc; <3 2

How would you creatively complete that phrase?

2006-07-27 16:24:34 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

im bored, and its an easy way to get 10 points.

2006-07-27 16:21:42 · 17 answers · asked by mmk. 2

give me a couple good ones!

2006-07-27 16:12:24 · 8 answers · asked by frances.bacon&eggs 3

Make it good b/c I am a hard person to make laugh

2006-07-27 16:10:14 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "**** YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer **** you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.


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2006-07-27 15:53:40 · 21 answers · asked by christine 3

Why do people say " Hey, If I don't see you, have a good weekend."
does that mean that if you DO see them you should have a bad weekend?

2006-07-27 15:44:42 · 10 answers · asked by scratchwhiplash 5

2006-07-27 15:39:41 · 3 answers · asked by teresa d 4