Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Guess who's back, back again. ______ back tell a friend.

2006-07-27 20:45:46 · 18 answers · asked by LeonHEELPP!!! 3

2006-07-27 20:42:15 · 7 answers · asked by D... K 1

I love Milk N' cookies more than I love y'all.


Nighty Night..

Peace

2006-07-27 20:41:59 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok, I put a $50 bill in one of three envelopes, and mix them up. I lay them out on the table in front of you, and ask you to pick one. I take the envelope you picked, and put it in front of you.

I take a different envelope, and show you there is no money in it. then I throw it away. There's two envelopes left. You can trade if you want. Would you like to trade, or do you like your first choice? Explain why you chose to trade it or keep it.

2006-07-27 20:37:48 · 9 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

2006-07-27 20:25:27 · 23 answers · asked by a V a 4

A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress
asks, "What will it be?"
The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the
same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That
will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the
exact amount. They do this every day till Fri.
"The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a
coke."
"Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be
$10.95"
The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like
all week.
The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the
exact amount?"
"Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty
lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared." Wow!" said the
waitress. "What did you wish for?"
"I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount
would appear in my pocket." "Amazing! Most people would ask for a
million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?" "Well," said the
man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs."

2006-07-27 20:16:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2ndly was bugs bunny attractive when he dressed as a gurl, would they have put him on BBGGW or..When animals attack in drag?

2006-07-27 20:12:56 · 6 answers · asked by Mr Spock 4

And written with three,
Two letters there are,
And two only in me.
I'm double, I'm single,
I'm black, blue, and gray,
I'm read from both ends,
And the same either way.
What am I?

2006-07-27 20:10:45 · 15 answers · asked by GG 1

Im bored got any jokes any ones!

2006-07-27 20:09:41 · 8 answers · asked by ksocceroxs07 1

The old man wakes up early in the morning to find that his got a huge
erection. He immediately wakes up his wife.

"Honey, look! What should I do with this?"

Wife: "Quick! Go wash it properly now that all the wrinkles are gone!"

2006-07-27 20:09:06 · 10 answers · asked by gogobanca 4

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune..

..the Wal-Mart manager runs out and unplugs the horse.

2006-07-27 20:08:57 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

what do you play or do?

2006-07-27 20:08:00 · 2 answers · asked by Big hands Big feet 7

He made sure nobody was in the car, rolled all the windows up, and locked all of the sedan's doors. He went off, but when he came back, his wife was dead, and there was a stranger in the car. No physical damage was done to the car, so how did the stranger get in?

2006-07-27 20:05:11 · 8 answers · asked by GG 1

A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress
asks, "What will it be?"
The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the
same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That
will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the
exact amount. They do this every day till Fri.
"The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a
coke."
"Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be
$10.95"
The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like
all week.
The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the
exact amount?"
"Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty
lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared." Wow!" said the
waitress. "What did you wish for?"
"I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount
would appear in my pocket." "Amazing! Most people would ask for a
million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?" "Well," said the
man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs."

2006-07-27 20:03:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Area 51 ???

2006-07-27 20:01:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

2006-07-27 19:59:52 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 19:58:14 · 10 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

2006-07-27 19:57:50 · 20 answers · asked by GG 1

So, there was this blonde who wanted to buy her husband this REALLY nice gift for Valentine's day. So she decided to go around the neighborhood, asking them if they had anything that they would want her to do, and she would do it. So the first house she went to was the Anderson's. She rang their doorbell and said, Hello Mr. Anderson! Sorry to bother you, but i was wondering if you needed any chores being done, and i would be more the happy to do them for you. You see, I am trying to raise money for-Enough said , said Mr Anderson. It would be great if you would paint my porch!! there is paint in the garadge! Mrs.Anderson then said to her husband, do you think she knows that the porch goes all around the house? i mean, that may be a lot of paint. "Well sure! She was standing on the porch anyway!" Said Mr.Anderson. "it might take a while, but I am sure we have enough paint!"

In only 20 minutes she came back and said " Im finished!! And there is paint left over."

Mr. Anderson said, " Did you paint the whole porch?"

Yah. And by the way, ....Thats a Porsche, not a porch.."

2006-07-27 19:55:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?"

After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God is both male and female."

This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?" "Well,God is both black and white."

This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?" At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers none the less, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."

At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Mom, is God Michael Jackson?"

2006-07-27 19:51:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't plane at high speed at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

2006-07-27 19:49:20 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tyler Perry was engaged many times but never has been married.Tell me at least one of the girls he got engaged to and prove it to me buy showing a website or something like that.Its just a game really.

2006-07-27 19:43:34 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Give me your best riddle (include answers), if I haven't heard of it, guessed it, or it stumped me you get your points

2006-07-27 19:41:47 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am the owner of a pet store. If I put in one canary per cage, I have one bird too many. If I put in two canaries per cage, I have one cage too many. How many cages and canaries do I have?

2006-07-27 19:41:09 · 6 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a
little PR.

After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his
hand and George asks him his name.

"Stanley," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Stanley?"

"I have 4 questions First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the
support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got
more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Fourth,
why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 45 percent of all
Americans don't have health insurance?

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies
that
they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right,
question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks
him his name.

"Steve," he responds. "And what is your question, Steve?"

"Actually, I have 6 questions First, why did the USA invade Iraq
without the support of the UN?

Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?

Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 45 percent of
all Americans don't have health insurance?

Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?"

2006-07-27 19:36:21 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."

2006-07-27 19:34:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Last time we had this riddle:

It's snack time, tell me what your computer is eating.
A: Chips of course! :)

Hehe. And here is today's riddle:

What is the best type of paper to use to make a kite?

Good luck! :)

2006-07-27 19:32:21 · 7 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Read a Title named "Sofa King" in this link:

http://www.truefacts.com/

Read aloud their Slogan to your Friends. I hope u will.

2006-07-27 19:32:08 · 6 answers · asked by Rajesh K 2

The Sheriff in a small Texas town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her so I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt so I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants so I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy... "

And here I am.

2006-07-27 19:18:48 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."

2006-07-27 19:16:01 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous