Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Why did the former male porn star get fired from his gas station job?

Because he kept pulling out the gas nozzle early and spraying it all over the back of the car.

2006-07-28 03:41:02 · 10 answers · asked by DesignR 5

This is really funny!!!!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ih=009&item=190013515960&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&rd=1

2006-07-28 03:30:26 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the day;

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in freaking silence!

Okay shower's are something we all do. But have you ever wondered why the differences in how we perform this act have more to do with our gender than our educational background, the amount of money we have, our religion or lack of, and our Ethnic background? Here I'm talking straight people, gays are in world of their own;. Now girlies don't email me saying, "I haven't used cucumber shampoo since 1995." And guys same thing about shower Mohawks!

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see boyfriend/husband along the way, ignore juvenile "turban-head" jokes and run to bathroom.

3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out stomach so as to complain about how fat you're getting.

4. Turn on hot water only.

5. Get in the shower -- once you've found it through all the steam.

6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

7. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lemon shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

8. Rinse hair.

9. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

10. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw.

11. Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash.

12. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once again been EATING your Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash.

13. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that all the conditioner has come off).

14. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered.

15. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of cold water.

16. Turn hot water on full and rinse off.

17. Dry, your body, with a towel the size of a small African country.

18. Use a hair-dryer and brush and comb carefully.

How to Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No.)

4. Turn on the water.

5. Check for pecs again. (Still No.)

6. Get in the shower.

7. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (You don't use one.)

8. Wash your face.

9. Wash your armpits.

10. Wash your penis and surrounding area.

11. Wash your asz.

12. Shampoo your hair, do not use conditioner.

13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

14. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror.

15. Piss, in the shower.

16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.

17. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-28 03:30:08 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was driving on the Motorway when I looked over and saw a woman in a BMW doing 90 MPH with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a few seconds and when I looked back, she was halfway over to my lane still working on her makeup.
I can tell you, it scared me so much that I dropped my battery shaver, which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand, ---- in the panic of trying to straighten up the car using my knees against the steering wheel, my mobile was knocked from my ear where it had been held by my shoulder and landed right in my coffee which was between my legs, --- the splash of hot coffee burnt 'Big Tom' and 'The Twins' so much that I screamed, letting my cigarette fall from my mouth ruining my best shirt ---- and disconnecting an important call.

BLOODY Women drivers !!!!

2006-07-28 03:30:03 · 12 answers · asked by surdy 2

2006-07-28 03:24:52 · 14 answers · asked by -Tequila17 6

2006-07-28 03:24:49 · 5 answers · asked by mayorofsteveville2002 3

Mine is Carcass.

2006-07-28 03:09:16 · 11 answers · asked by jonesywonesy 2

Why are zombies so damn stupid? All they eat are brains!

2006-07-28 03:02:58 · 7 answers · asked by gamerguy12003 3

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

If you do not know, see answer below.



































Get your drunk butt off the merry-go-round!

2006-07-28 03:02:56 · 8 answers · asked by Shamus 3

Is this too grave an undertaking?

2006-07-28 02:58:58 · 24 answers · asked by lenny 7

What do you think it is 2006?

2006-07-28 02:57:41 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-28 02:54:32 · 7 answers · asked by gamerguy12003 3

Any suggestions?

2006-07-28 02:43:27 · 7 answers · asked by BringBackTheBeats 2

2006-07-28 02:42:26 · 8 answers · asked by cst4zy_88 1

2006-07-28 02:39:55 · 25 answers · asked by gamerguy12003 3

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring
around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they
passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper
with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into
my humble shop!"

So the couple walked in. "I have some special sandals I think
you would be interested in," the Jamaican said to them. "Dey make
you wild at sex."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after
what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need
them, being the sex god" that he was.

"How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" the husband asked
the shopkeeper.

Just try dem on, Mon," the Jamaican replied.

After some badgering from his wife, the man finally gave in, and
triedthe sandals on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he
got this wild look in hiseyes ... something his wife hadn't seen
in many years!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, quickly
benthim over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own
pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

At which point the Jamaican began screaming,

"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET, MON! YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!"

2006-07-28 02:39:13 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

this should be simple can you say what i am writing?:
gd
wms pcyb rfgq rfcl zms ypc qkypr

2006-07-28 02:33:46 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

The first person to ask it gets the 10 points. ^_^

2006-07-28 02:31:10 · 22 answers · asked by Doctor Hand 4

2006-07-28 02:30:34 · 19 answers · asked by sarah h 1

There was a young lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died.
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
And ???????????????????????

2006-07-28 02:30:11 · 5 answers · asked by Citizen Mac 6

lol. maybe this is kinda confusing question.
example: go to: http://www.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvG3ZOM4g9bAlh4RwWP9hmjsy6IX?qid=20060728012918AAFuoHO
and notice, how the asker (da bears) made those hearts)...how does she do that?

2006-07-28 02:13:31 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

where the crap is everybody?

2006-07-28 02:11:38 · 23 answers · asked by SikSonic 4

2006-07-28 01:50:57 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-28 01:49:49 · 8 answers · asked by king kong strong 4

Explorers Carruthers and Dewhurst are ambushed by cannibals and wake up in a cooking pot.
"They haven't lit it yet, Dewers old man, I believe we are marinating"
"I think I know how we can get out of this, Carruthers old chap, my diary tells me there's an eclipse later today. I'll tell them that if they don't let us go, we will make the world dark forever".
Later, the chief inspects the two captives.
"Chief, what time are you going to start cooking?"
"Oh, about 16.00. Just after the eclipse"

2006-07-28 01:45:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A E L E D M R

2006-07-28 01:45:05 · 5 answers · asked by miracles 1

Heres one to get yah goin..

Mary mary quite contrary
trim that puxxy
it is so darn hairy

lmao

2006-07-28 01:44:50 · 8 answers · asked by gorgeoushunk 2

Nothing inapropriate please!!! Like murder ones are OK but nothing dirty (inapropriate)!~!~!


Oh and leave the answer!!!

2006-07-28 01:42:05 · 5 answers · asked by Vanessa<3 5

2006-07-28 01:26:44 · 12 answers · asked by bakbiter 3

*Cops, What Cha Gonna Do When They Come For You... Bad Boys...
A san diego patrolman pulled over a driver and told him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5000 in a safety competition. "what are you going to do with the money? "the officer asked.

"i guess i"ll go to driving school and get my license, " the man answered.

"don't listen to him," said the woman in the passanger seat. "he's a smart alect when he is drunk."

This woke up the man in the back seat, who saw the cop and said, "i knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

Then there was a knock from the trunk, and a voice asked in spanish, "are we over the border yet?"

2006-07-28 01:15:09 · 14 answers · asked by sunnychick 3