Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW.

2006-07-28 01:12:05 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

She was so blond.......

2006-07-28 01:06:47 · 14 answers · asked by FaerieWhings 7

2006-07-28 00:46:56 · 19 answers · asked by bakbiter 3

Here are mine...
''Passionate kiss, like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.''
''Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone!''
''Man who run behind car get exhausted''
''Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day''
''Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.''
''Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok''
''Man with one chopstick go hungry.''
''Man who scratches *** should not bite fingernails.''
''Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.''
''Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!''
''Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.''
''War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.''
''Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.''
''Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.''
''Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!''
''Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!''

2006-07-28 00:43:01 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, ''May I borrow a highlighter?''
2. ''Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that.''
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. ''Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.''
5. ''Damn, this water is cold.''
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
7. ''Now how did that get there?''
8. ''Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.''
9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,''Whoa! Easy boy!!''
10. '' Interesting....more sinkers than floaters''
11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,''Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
12. ''C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"

2006-07-28 00:23:47 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.

Little Jimmy stood up, alone.

Mrs. White said, "Jimmy, do you really think you're stupid?"

"No," Jimmy said. "But I didn't want you standing up there alone."

2006-07-28 00:23:14 · 9 answers · asked by Hardez 3

2006-07-28 00:15:37 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am the person in my avitar sexy hey he he he

2006-07-27 23:51:35 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 23:28:09 · 25 answers · asked by qantasmile 2

2006-07-27 23:14:34 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining! Why?
2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son! " How can this be?
3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, lumpier, gloves and balaclava. He is walking down a black street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man?
4. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?

2006-07-27 23:09:52 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

1when your bored you sit on the computer

















2.u havent played solitare in years with real cards







3.u kno some one with a myspace







4.ur kinda confused on wat this is






















6.u feel kinda dumb for reading this








7.ur so cought up in this u didnt notice numba 5








8.u jus looked to c if there realy was a number 5







9. ur laughing at ur stupid ness








10. let me kno wat u think

2006-07-27 23:05:50 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

wat happens when u get scared half 2 death twice?

2006-07-27 23:02:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

How funny is it to see older asian people and elderly people wear welder like face masks while drive to keep the sun out of their face?
ever seen that?
and who knows who Tom Leykis is?
tell me your experiences.

2006-07-27 22:58:50 · 2 answers · asked by redirus92 3

1when your bored you sit on the computer

















2.u havent played solitare in years with real cards







3.u kno some one with a myspace







4.ur kinda confused on wat this is






















6.u feel kinda dumb for reading this








7.ur so cought up in this u didnt notice numba 5








8.u jus looked to c if there realy was a number 5







9. ur laughing at ur stupid ness








10. let me kno wat u think

2006-07-27 22:52:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 22:43:39 · 6 answers · asked by ♥ Omigo ♥ 2

2006-07-27 22:34:04 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 22:32:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 22:31:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

...training to be a teacher and then try to become the teacher that all the kids like because he's a bit cool...for a teacher?

2006-07-27 22:28:21 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 22:25:44 · 16 answers · asked by Toshiba S 2

Post a joke and best joke get 10 points... here goes mine.

Working On The Fourth Husband

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.

"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."

"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."

"He died of a broken neck."

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

2006-07-27 22:13:36 · 9 answers · asked by anti_money 2

Lets see what happens when everone add there bit......................

one day jack woke up with a big smile on his face and..................................................................................

2006-07-27 22:04:11 · 13 answers · asked by ♪ GOTH CHICK♫ 3

2006-07-27 22:01:19 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

When he turned into a swan, did he go apeshit and smash all the other ducks faces in with his new superstrong wings?

2006-07-27 21:56:37 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mighty Mouse

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the glass on the bar. He turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders two shots of bourbon, slams them down and nearly breaks the glasses on the bar. He turns to the first mouse and replies, "Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."



The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bul

2006-07-27 21:50:02 · 14 answers · asked by anti_money 2

2006-07-27 21:41:44 · 10 answers · asked by i_am_not_known 2

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farmhand working with him to help castrate his sheep.

As the farmer castrated the first sheep, the French farmhand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.

"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up, and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"

The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.

On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper.

He asked his wife where the farmhand was, and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries, and he ran like hell!"

2006-07-27 21:29:18 · 13 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-27 21:26:14 · 11 answers · asked by ? 1

..sitting on his boat on the following link?

http://www.dumbvideos.com/endoftheworld.html

2006-07-27 21:20:52 · 4 answers · asked by 42 6