Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

whoever makes me laught the most will get 10 points

2006-07-27 15:37:35 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck norris?

2006-07-27 15:33:35 · 13 answers · asked by scratchwhiplash 5

Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge t1ts, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh' The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you FUCK1NG *****'

2006-07-27 15:29:22 · 16 answers · asked by christine 3

One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!"

He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again.

So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?"

The parrot answers "Yes I did."

So the burglar asks, "What's your name?"

The parrot says "Clarence."

The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?"

The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "

2006-07-27 15:27:40 · 11 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

A wealthy man in Egypt passed away. Before he passed away, he wrote his will for his two sons. In his will, it states that my two sons are to have a race in the desert and the winner will take it all .

The race consisted of riding on a camel. It was a 50 mile race in the desert in the blazing hot sun. Whosever camel is last to arrive at the finish line is the winner.

Both sons started the race, and they each went very slowly, hoping to be last. Days went by and they hardly went anywhere. Both were very frustrated, but wanted the millions of dollars that their father left. They didn't know what to do. A few days later, the wise man of the desert, an 98 year old man who roams the desert ran into these men. The men explained their situation to the wise man and asked for advice. He said come over here and I will solve your problem. Come sit here with me. The wise men said a few words and the two ran back on the camels and off they went very fast. The wise man said what to the two sons?

2006-07-27 15:22:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Such as:any multibles of nine when added together equals 9.(this only works on single diget multipliers)
Example 9x1=9 (9+0=9)
9x2=18(1+8=9)
9x3=27(2+7=9)

2006-07-27 15:16:31 · 10 answers · asked by jussmessin 2

Which of these letters is the odd-one-out?

B.C.D.J.K.L.W.X.Y

It's not Sequential!

(Read the Hint)

2006-07-27 15:16:17 · 14 answers · asked by Gemini23 4

2006-07-27 15:11:37 · 30 answers · asked by Antoine 2

this guy hired a singer for a party then at the party when it is time for him to sing he goes up on stage and just stands there, after 10 minutes the guy says what is wrong and the singer says i have stage fright.

2006-07-27 15:10:39 · 50 answers · asked by New User 2

There was this guy who really took care of his body. He lifted weights
and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked in the mirror
and admired his body and noticed that he was suntanned all over
with the one exception of his penis, which he readily decided to do
something about.

He went to the beach, completely undressed, buried himself in the
sand, except for his penis which he left sticking out.

Two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane.
Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it
around with her cane, remarking to the other little old lady, saying,
"There really is no justice in the world."

"What do you mean by that?" the other little old lady asked.

She replied, "Look at that....
When I was 20..........I was curious about it
When I was 30..........I enjoyed it
When I was 40..........I asked for it
When I was 50..........I paid for it
When I was 60..........I prayed for it
When I was 70..........I forgot about it
And now that I am 80, the damned things are growing wild, and I am
too old to squat."

2006-07-27 15:10:37 · 18 answers · asked by christine 3

Willys cynical thought for the day;

We could all learn something from the weather. It doesn't care if anybody criticizes or praises it; it just does its own freaking thing!

-  Well-trained reflexes are quicker than luck.

-  Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 50 weight motor oil.

-  The best alarm clock is sunshine on Chrome.

-  Learn to do counterintuitive things that may someday save your butt.

-  The twisties-not the super slabs-separate the bikers from the squids.

-  Beware of the biker whose ink peels off. Beware of anybody who's ink peels or washes off!

-  New leather don't smell right.

-  When you're riding lead--don't spit.

-  If you really want to know what's going on, watch what's happening at least 5 cars ahead.

-  Don't make a reputation you'll have to live down or run away from later.

-  If the person in the next lane at the stoplight rolls up the window and locks the door, support their view of life by snarling at them.

-  Smoke and grease can hide a multitude of errors, but only for so long.

-  A friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2am to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you're broken down.

-  If she changes her oil more than she changes her mind--follow her.

-  The thicker your oil, the hotter you can take it.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-27 15:09:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you were in a dark room with a candle, a woodstove, a match and a gas lamp which do you light first?

2006-07-27 15:08:29 · 21 answers · asked by Antoine 2

The secretary for my Chiropractor sends these out to their customers weekly. Please help.
Signed Clueless

2006-07-27 15:05:47 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 15:05:31 · 12 answers · asked by Antoine 2

what gets bigger the more you take away

2006-07-27 15:05:29 · 10 answers · asked by adamkozmo 2

Yeah, I got sooooo bored that I can't stand it. Please give me some stories!

2006-07-27 15:04:54 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 15:02:39 · 6 answers · asked by Antoine 2

What is sweet and beautiful and sitting next to me right now eating artichokes with nasty mayo?

2006-07-27 14:59:26 · 7 answers · asked by The_Yak 2

2006-07-27 14:57:15 · 20 answers · asked by justdavin 2

2006-07-27 14:53:38 · 8 answers · asked by Southern Girl/ deal with it! 3

2006-07-27 14:46:55 · 13 answers · asked by Colleen D 1

read this phrase out loud five times.(best when people are around)

i yam we tall did!

2006-07-27 14:41:09 · 21 answers · asked by I Bleed Black & Gold 6

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Milk, eggs, coffee.........

Who said this? Correct answer gets you 10 pts.
I kno its lame but i erytime i think of it i laugh!

2006-07-27 14:38:32 · 5 answers · asked by MzChamillinator 5

what do you do?

2006-07-27 14:36:48 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 14:34:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a common English word that is nine letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word - from nine letters right down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?

2006-07-27 14:32:52 · 8 answers · asked by Gemini23 4

2006-07-27 14:30:57 · 68 answers · asked by Anonymous

what four animals do you see after having sex? answer: 2 tired asses, 1 wet cat, and one dead cock!

2006-07-27 14:29:04 · 4 answers · asked by jax 1

If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

2006-07-27 14:25:08 · 18 answers · asked by Gemini23 4

2006-07-27 14:24:13 · 5 answers · asked by cryp 2