Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Doctor, Doctor, Im having problems with my hearing

What are the symptoms?

There this yellow cartoon family...

2006-07-28 10:46:39 · 14 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

read this.

Nikhil and Mona were newlyweds. Nikhil thought this would be a modern marriage, meaning they would each play equal roles. So, the first morning after their honeymoon, he brought Mona breakfast in bed.

However, Mona wasn't at all impressed by his culinary skills. Looking disdainfully at the tray, she snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!"

Undaunted, the following morning, Nikhil brought his new bride a scrambled egg.

Unfortunately, Mona wasn't satisfied. "Did you ever stop to think that perhaps I like variety?" she snapped. "I wanted poached this morning!"

Determined to please her, the next morning, he brought her two eggs….one poached and one scrambled.

"Here, my darling, enjoy," he said cheerfully.

Mona was infuriated. "You scrambled the wrong egg!" she screamed

2006-07-28 10:44:57 · 8 answers · asked by neha 3

One day, at the top of Mount Oplympus, Zues, Saturn, Aries, a smart Republican and a dumb Republican sat around, eating lunch. With only a single slice of ham left, the lights go out and there is a stuggle in the dark for the last piece of ham. Eventually, the lights come back on and the piece of ham is missing.

Question: Who took the piece of ham?

You must give your reason for the answer you give

2006-07-28 10:44:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is
leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with
a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit
frustrated, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well,
I guess we finally answered THAT question!!"

2006-07-28 10:39:50 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

C5H5N5
C5H6N2O2

C5H5N5O
C4H5N3O

2006-07-28 10:39:42 · 12 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

This is my personal tongue twister that you are not allowed to take. Try saying it...it may be hard for some people but its easy to me...its similar to the woodchuck one...
How many streets can a street sweeper sweep if a street sweeper could sweep streets... Beat that...

2006-07-28 10:35:26 · 12 answers · asked by Anthony T 2

2006-07-28 10:30:24 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-28 10:28:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-28 10:27:42 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-28 10:18:36 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing is wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching! Can you do it?

First to find out gets the ten points! (don't include this sentence)

2006-07-28 10:15:26 · 9 answers · asked by krackocloud 4

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

2006-07-28 10:12:51 · 29 answers · asked by joegossum 4

What is:

FE FI FO
FI FE FO
FO FO FE FE?

2006-07-28 10:10:13 · 6 answers · asked by jagerchick80 4

What falls but doesn't break, and what breaks but doesn't fall?

2006-07-28 10:07:31 · 11 answers · asked by Cricket 3

2006-07-28 10:05:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-28 10:05:21 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three friends check into a motel for the night and the clerk tells them the bill is $30, payable in advance. So, they each pay the clerk $10 and go to their room. A few minutes later, the clerk realizes he has made an error and overcharged the trio by $5. He asks the bellhop to return $5 to the 3 friends who had just checked in. The bellhop sees this as an opportunity to make $2 as he reasons that the three friends would have a tough time dividing $5 evenly among them; so he decides to tell them that the clerk made a mistake of only $3, giving a dollar back to each of the friends. He pockets the leftover $2 and goes home for the day! Now, each of the three friends gets a dollar back, thus they each paid $9 for the room which is a total of $27 for the night. We know the bellhop pocketed $2 and adding that to the $27, you get $29, not $30 which was originally spent. Where did the other dollar go????

Good luck!

2006-07-28 10:01:04 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four people (named A, B, C, and D) need to walk from Starnets to Univerna during a really bad heat wave. The heat is so bad, it's not possible to cross the open desert without some sort of shade. Fortunately, they have one umbrella. Unfortunately, however, only a maximum of two people at a time can fit under the umbrella. A can cross the desert alone in 20 minutes. B can make the crossing alone in 16 minutes. C can make the crossing alone in 8 minutes. And D can make the crossing in 4 minutes. Note that when two people are making the crossing, they must do so at the pace of the slower person!

What is the minimum number of minutes that it will take for all of the people to safely be together in Univerna?

2006-07-28 09:59:09 · 7 answers · asked by Sakura X 2

3 parts of a cross and a circle complete
2 semi-circles and a perpendicular meet
A triangle on 2 feet
2 semi circles
And a circle complete


It's one word---if u want answer email me.

2006-07-28 09:56:12 · 3 answers · asked by Citizen Mac 6

Who said, 'sharks really know how to hurt a guy."?
What happened to the shark that bit the oil tanker?
What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Will give Best Answer to the right answers, or most creative.

2006-07-28 09:54:39 · 2 answers · asked by jfahd 4

If yesterday had been Wednesday's tomorrow and tomorrow is Sunday's yesterday, what day would today be?

first correct answer gets 10 pts!!!!

2006-07-28 09:53:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is it that gets wetter when it dries?

10 points for the first correct answer.

2006-07-28 09:45:07 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-28 09:37:04 · 7 answers · asked by the rowan 1

I read it recently (possibly here). It was something like - A study concluded that there are high amounts of estrogen in beer. In the experiment, a group of males drank.. a certain amount of beer. In the end they all became (insert stereotypical female characteristics...ie irrational, loud, argumentative..) I cant find the exact wording anywhere.

If you have other funny jokes those are acceptable as well. :)

2006-07-28 09:33:39 · 5 answers · asked by L H 3

10 points for whoever gets the answer to my riddle!

2006-07-28 09:33:15 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, S&!T!" Only the states of Oklahoma, Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama and Texas were different. There, 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this."

2006-07-28 09:17:39 · 5 answers · asked by Tia 3

2006-07-28 09:08:37 · 27 answers · asked by rastaphex 1

keep thinking.
has something to do with loops
and knots

2006-07-28 09:04:09 · 16 answers · asked by Sagar B 1

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down.
In which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP .

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so........... Time to shut UP!

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

2006-07-28 08:54:55 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

a true story:

a friend of mine who happens to be blonde went home one day to find that the water dept. had shut the water off while they did some work. She went into the living room and stared at the fishtank. Came back and asked if they were sure the water had been shut off because the fishtank still had air bubbles in it.

One day she asked how many times this year was there going to be a Friday the 13th. When I told her how many times she asked "are those all going to fall on a friday this year? I said no like all government holidays they will be on Mondays. She left to make plans for those holidays

2006-07-28 08:53:53 · 25 answers · asked by maria f 2