know any good jokes?

Answer 1

does my 'ex' count?

Answer 2

1) Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

2) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have?

3) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

4) Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

5). Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday? Son: Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

6). Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his? Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

7). Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything! Son: That’s why I say she's no good!


Teacher: John, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
John: Me!

Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Don’s paper.
John: I hope you didn’t either.

Gary: I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it’s the lowest mark I can give.

Teacher: Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What’s that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.

Teacher: In this box, I have a ten-foot snake.
Sammy: You can’t fool me… snakes don’t have feet.

Hygiene teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Jim: Don’t bite any.

Boy: Isn’t the principal a dummy!
Girl: Say, do you know who am I?
Boy: No.
Girl: I’m the principal’s daughter.
Boy: And do you know who I am?
Girl: No.
Boy: Thank goodness!


AND THE BEST ONE.


Many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law, and changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue,
Because although she is my wife, she is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild.
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa.

Answer 3

A zealous mother got all her three daughters married off on the same day and insisted that the couples spend their wedding night at her house. That night she kept vigil, moving from door to door and eavesdropping at the doors. She felt so excited at hearing familiar noises and giggles from two of the rooms but was quite puzzled with the silence in her youngest daughter's room.
Early next morning over breakfast with her girls. she asked;
"How was your wedding night?"
" Fantastic, mother, just fantastic"
That's good. Mother smiled, " what about you, dear?" she asked the second
" Beautiful, mum, just beautiful"
Mother turned to her youngest," what about you, sweetie?"
" Oh it's marvelous, simply marvelous"
"I thought you both slept through the night.. didnt hear a single sound"
" Well mum, you used to tell me not to make noise when my mouth is full"

Answer 4

A guy and his wife order a pizza, 30min go by, then 1hr and 1hr 1/2, then the delivery guy shows up, so the wife asks what should I do? and her husband says "F* ck the delivery guy just give him $10 dollars", so 30min go by and an 1hr and the wife comes back and her husband asks here have you been , and the wife go's I did what you said I F*cked the delivery guy and gave him 1$0 dollars. Lol

Answer 5

A man walks into a music store and wants to buy a good, old-fashioned vinyl record. He gets the record and is ready to check out when he discovers that he forgot his wallet. Instead of going out and getting his wallet, he decides to steal the record. So he sticks it down his pants.
Of course, the cashier spots him on the way out and says, "Hey! Is that a record in your pants?"

The man replies, "Well, it may not be a record but I haven't heard any complaints."

Answer 6

Two kids are in Sunday School. A girl who keeps falling asleep sits next to a boy with his pen out.
The teacher asks, "Who created heaven and earth?" The boy pokes the girl in the side with his pen.
"God almighty!" yells the girl.
"Very good!" says the teacher. The girl starts to snooze off again.
The teacher asks, "Who died for our sins?" The boy pokes her with his pen again.
"Jesus Christ!" yelled the girl.
"Very good." The girl goes off to sleep again.
The teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after having their 26th kid?" The boy pokes her with the pen again.
The girl yells, "If you put that thing into me one more time, I swear I'll break it in half!"
The teacher fainted.

you can also read: http://www.slickschoppers.com/Readers_Stories/Crazed_Squirrel.htm

they both have me ROTFLMAO.

Answer 7

Try this website

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml

Answer 8

Yeah.

Answer 9

heres a walmart joke ....click below to read it:

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-_hv91zk8c...

Answer 10

A boy goes to see a cabaret dance .his mom gets angry and asks him.."did u see anything there that you were not supposed to see""
BOY::: yes i saw dad. there.

Answer 11

you didnt came last night,so i had to shake and sleep,
dirty mind of yours,
electricity didnt came so i had to shake the fan and sleep