Make me laugh the hardest to get 10 points!!?

Answer 1

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."


If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the inpression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

Answer 2

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "Is this it?"

God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live."

Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?"

God replied, "Shirley! I didn't recognize you!"

Answer 3

Best OUT OF OFFICE REPLIES that you can set

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I
fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.


2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.


3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received
anything at all.


4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management


5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.


6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.


7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.' (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).


8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.


9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this
message. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.


10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.


11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.


12: I've run away to join a different circus.


AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :


13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

Answer 4

Johnny was terrible at math he had flunked several times so his mother decided to put him in Catholic school. From the first day he came home went straight to his room and did his entire home work, this carried on for the rest of the year. At the end Johnny passed math with flying colours. His mother wanted to know what had inspired him. So she sat him down and asked him "Was it the strict rules?"
"No" he replied.
"Was it the encouragement of the nuns?"
"No" he replied.
"Then what was it?"
"That first day when I walked in and saw that guy hung up on the plus sign I knew they meant business!"


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."



"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."



BRILLIANT WAYS GIRLS TURN GUYS DOWN!!

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that’s why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.





Many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law, and changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue,
Because although she is my wife, she is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild.
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa.


Is this enough for the 10 Points. I have more jokes if you want.

Answer 5

Questions, answers….all day long!!
We have no life so we play along.

We answer the stupid, we answer the smart,
We answer question after question. How did this all start?

How did we become so addicted? We’re did we go wrong?
Now our houses stay dirty…we stopped mowing the lawn!!

We can’t sleep at night, we can’t concentrate at work
We live to answer questions to people who act like jerks

We stare at our computers till we go nearly blind
But as long as we can give answers…we don’t really mind

Answer 6

Sorry but i'm not your slave.Your 8 points you can keep them i already have 2.If you wanna laugh go watch dumb shows

Answer 7

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "**** YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer **** you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

Answer 8

resume for a job from a latina


MARTHA MARIA FIGUEROA DELACRUZ DE LOS SANTOS DE EL CAMINO DE LA REINA
15 South Projectos, Apartamento El Baisman
El Bronx, Nueva Jork wung wung for sero sero
SELULA FON: [phone] (today is terned off but I will get
de monee order tumoro)
FON DE LA CASA: Neybor's fon, [phone] (just ask for me and
they! will ye ll for me)

OBJECTED:
Juan day (maybe after dis job) I wanna opin a Day Kare in mine
own apartment for teng kidz.

SKELLZ:
I wash my sisters kidz wheng she goes to de dancing at 'Latin
Quarta', I shange the kidz pamperz, misk de milk and shocolate Quick
in da botella whilg I wash de novelas at de saing tine.

EJUCACION:
I grajuaded from fif grade. Deng I grajuated from aighf grade.
Deng I learned alot from my tia Juana, she let me quit skool so she
cood show me to babysit my cozins, Juan, Pito, Tito,Flaco, Papo, Chavela,
Chavelo, and Yvette (pobrecita, she dunt even nose who her papi
iz!!!)

WORK ESPERIENCE:
Wheng I got tired of babysittin, I woked in a fabrica sowing and
stealing dresses. Reason for leabing: My jefe Hector, tried to hit
on me and his lady 'Luz Maria' caught himg. Deng I got anofa jub at
B.I.M. storez , i wuz eng charge of foldeng de genes. Reason for leabing:
Tio Juan died in my other country and I hadda go to de funeraria. I
din't no him, but I hadda go ova dare, you know, for mortal support and all
dat. So anywhey, my jefe got mad and fired me. Deng I stayed home
and sold 'Avon' cosmeticos. I hadda to quik becose I orderd too much
stuff for my familia and dey diding paid. So weng 'Avon' axed me furr de
monee I didng hab it. My last jub was at "Mi Baby Papi Chulo Day Care" I
wached all the kidz for all the moders who hadda get off welfea

REFERENCES:
Jus call the payfon ecross de estreet and ask anywung ebout
MARIA LA LOCA, eberyone know me and dey tell ju all ebout me

Answer 9

Ceci Perez is laughing....

(By writing this sentence, I've already made you laugh, haven't I?)

Answer 10

Customer: Waiter, why do you have your thumb on my steak?
Waiter: I didn't want to drop it on the floor again, Sir.