Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

..................i have nothing to say.......lol

2006-07-11 08:48:51 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 08:45:21 · 7 answers · asked by justwonderin' 2

How are u

2006-07-11 08:37:13 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why did the chicken crossed the road?


I know this is an old joke but I am interested in seeing your original and outrageous answers.. Be creative and original. Best and funniest answer gets the 10 points!!!

2006-07-11 08:36:17 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 08:36:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

old world charm=room with a bath

tropical=rainy

majestic setting=a long way from town, at end of dirt road

options galore=nothing is included in the itenerary

secluded hideaway=directions to locate unclear

some budget rooms=sorry, already occupied

explore on your own=at your own expense

knowledgeable trip host=theyve flown in a plane before

no extra fees=no extras

nominal fees=outrageous charge

standard=sub standard

deluxe=barely standard

superior accommodations=one complimentary chocolate and free shower cap

all the amenities= two chocolates and two shower caps

gentle breezes=in hirricane alley

light and airy=no air conditioning

picturesque=theme park nearby

24 hour bar=ice cubes at additional cost(when available)

2006-07-11 08:17:28 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Best G-Rated clean joke, I especially like blue collar or redneck humor. Jokes from Blue Collar TV or the Blue Collar Comedy Tours are fine. Don't do You might be a redneck jokes, I've heard them all.

2006-07-11 08:09:00 · 7 answers · asked by Brian.E 2

this guy walked to a dude that had 2 rolls of toilet paper.

the dude asked, "what kind of toilet paper you have?"

he replied,"well, i have 3 kinds of rolls, 1-cloud toilet paper roll
2-charmin 3-no name toilet paper roll.

he says, how much they cost?

he says well, cloud toilet paper is 2 $, charmin is 3$, and the no name is 1$...

he replied, well, i dont have much money so i will take the no name toilet paper...


the next day he comes back to the guy and says.... i named the no name toilet paper roll...

and the guy replied, what did you name it?

i named it john wayne because he doesn't take crap from no body!

2006-07-11 08:02:57 · 10 answers · asked by T[]-[]E Wiggles 1

all I can remember are some of the lines....is there anyplace I can go to possible find this poem..

2006-07-11 07:51:25 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

4 men gather on the top of 30-story building, an East Indian, a Japanese, an American Indian, and a White Man.

The East Indian guy says, "This is for my people!" and he jumps off.

The Japanese says, "This is for my people!" and jumps off.

The American Indian says, "This is for my people" and pushes the White Man off.

2006-07-11 07:43:42 · 32 answers · asked by T[]-[]E Wiggles 1

1. i'll get a world record for this
2. let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press
3. gee, thats a cute tattoo
4. its fireproof
5. hes probably just hibernating
6. what does this button do
7. im making a citizens arrest
8. so, your a cannibal
9. its probably just a rash
10. why am i standing on a plastic sheet?
11. are you sure the power is off?
12. the odds of that happening have to be a million to one
13. pull the pin and count to what?
14. which wire am i supposed to cut?
15. i wonder where the mother bear is
16. ive seen this done on tv
17. these are agood kind of mushroom
18. i'll hold it and you light the fuse

2006-07-11 07:38:47 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Lesson in Church

A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked "Who created the Earth and man?" The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, "GOD!" The Priest looked at him and said, "That's right."
Then he asked "Who is God's son?" Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!" Again, the priest said, "Correct."

Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want any more children?" The knitter poked her husband again, but this time he screamed "Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm going to rip it off!" The priest smiled and said, "That's right."

2006-07-11 07:30:20 · 10 answers · asked by answers999 6

TWO LADIES MEET IN HEAVEN

1st woman: "Hi! My name is Wanda."
2nd woman: "Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?"

1st woman: "I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!"
1st woman: "It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I
began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
about you?"

2nd woman: "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But
instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV."

1st woman: "So, what happened?"
2nd woman: "I was so sure there was another woman there Somewhere, that
I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic
and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every
closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked
everywhere, and finally, I became so exhausted that I just keeled over
with a heart attack and died."

1st woman: "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer.......we would both
still be alive".

2006-07-11 07:05:34 · 20 answers · asked by kandigyrl 4

Im a Gangsta
Im a straight up G
The Gangsta life is the life for me
...
first to finish gets 10 points

2006-07-11 07:05:32 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Last night I went bowling with my friends. While they were resting for a moment I took the ball and crapped in the holes. My friend Derrick then stuck his fingers in them and got his fingers covered in my fudge!!!! LOL. Don't you think that's awesome???

2006-07-11 06:57:19 · 14 answers · asked by dick s 1

2006-07-11 06:38:54 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous

Whoever guesses the number I'm thinking gets 10 points

2006-07-11 06:36:21 · 22 answers · asked by Love My Soldier 3

2006-07-11 06:33:20 · 15 answers · asked by SammyD 3

Whats the difference between a thief & a peeping tom ?
The thief snatches watches !

2006-07-11 06:27:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Fill in the blank....

2006-07-11 06:19:04 · 15 answers · asked by Funnyaccountant 4

2006-07-11 05:59:07 · 9 answers · asked by ♥michele♥ 7

JOKE joke JOKE!!!!

wahaha!

april fools?! wahehe!

2006-07-11 05:58:44 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please keep them moderatly clean.

2006-07-11 05:58:12 · 5 answers · asked by Lizard 3

This is a very stupid question. Ten points for the stupidest answer!! :) Cheers!!

2006-07-11 05:47:09 · 31 answers · asked by [[keetr//mary]] 3

something really funny, please and thank you.

2006-07-11 05:40:16 · 10 answers · asked by nikki -nicole 3

2006-07-11 05:25:35 · 28 answers · asked by Sheriff Liz 3

2006-07-11 05:20:15 · 6 answers · asked by estebandiatao 1

Or all of the above?

2006-07-11 05:17:20 · 17 answers · asked by Candy Peach 2

Dear Diary,

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy efficient kind. But today I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last ear...namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up... He didn't call back. Guess I won that stupid argument.

2006-07-11 04:57:56 · 18 answers · asked by michellewentworth1983 2

I found this Music Hall routine 1897 on the net.

Man in office answering phone "Smith, Smith Smith and Smith."
Voice on Telephone "Mr. Smith please"
"Mr Smith retired last week"
""Mr.Smith then please"
"Mr.Smith is on holiday"
"Ah, Mr. Smith please"
"Mr. Smith went out to lunch"
"Mr. Smith then please"
"Speaking"

2006-07-11 04:55:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous