Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

i said "daddy, where my new toy?" and my dad said "Is at over there son, right next to our Nice Jewish candles." and then i went and open my presant and when i open it, it was hitler, it was him and he was naked and my dad said" my birthday son, you got hitler, the action toy they called it." and he said "hitler,"the action toy", it a toy for jewish boy and girls like you to simply to beat him up as his is naked and look son, you can see hitler real looking big penis over there, go headed, kick it." and i said "WOW, THIS IS FUN, I CAN REALLY HEAR HITLER SCREENING IN PAIN!!, THANKS DAD, HEY DO YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH ME?" AND MY DAD SAID "SURE, I HATE THAT BASTERD ANYWAYS!" SO WE RIP HIS PENIS OFF, RIP HIS ARMS AND LEGS OFF, AND THEN WE GAVE THE PENIS TO MY MOM BECAUSE SHE LIKE THAT STUFF AND THEN WE DRESS THAT HITLER UP LIKE SANDA CAUSE FOR NEXT CHRISTMAS, SO WE CAN BEAT HIM UP agian and a agian and a agian for years to comE.

2006-07-11 11:25:17 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 11:20:52 · 30 answers · asked by misslabeled 7

It can be anything. A joke, a riddle, a long story that your grandma told you about a thousand times but you still listen because you feel bad for her because she dosen't remember that she told nine hundread, ninty nine times before. ANYTHING!

Funniest person gets 100000000000000000000000000000 points!

Just kidding. You only get 10!

2006-07-11 11:20:22 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

im going to do standup comedy for a talent show in school this year can u tell me some good jokes that are approate for school?

2006-07-11 11:11:58 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Don't count the letters in "the answer to this question."
That's wrong.
Also, there are two answers.

2006-07-11 11:05:57 · 59 answers · asked by junsumoney 3

what is born without skin and dies out crying?

2006-07-11 11:04:08 · 10 answers · asked by James Blond 4

how do smurf's have babies?/

2006-07-11 11:02:56 · 9 answers · asked by curious rudy 2

An explorer was searching a cave when he came across a set of numbers.
He saw 1.
Then he saw 11.
Next, he saw 21
then, 1,211
after that, 111,221
what number did he see after that?

2006-07-11 10:57:13 · 4 answers · asked by junsumoney 3

I heard this riddle about a year ago and I recently heard it again and I don't understand it at all. Can anyone tell me what it means and the answer, please?

2006-07-11 10:56:05 · 6 answers · asked by when_it_happens 1

Please, I want to know what you think some her other great choices, besides the big d, might be.
(We’ve already heard about the Comb-over Café, or Gold-Digger Jewelry)

2006-07-11 10:55:27 · 1 answers · asked by Rockvillerich 5

Hey just havin a little fun with the pick up lines(i suggest that no guy uses them)

Heard in a bar in St. Paul MN : "Would you like to take a
shower with me?"

Honey, I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the
only one talking to you.

My absolute favorite was due to the circumstances and the
result, rather than the line itself. So what do you guys have(women too) ? best ones get 10 points. Holla back

2006-07-11 10:43:40 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three salesman check into a hotel. The desk clerk tells them the room is $30 a night.Each man gives him a $10 bill. After they've gone to their room the clerk realizes he has overcharged them,the room was only $25. So he sends the bell hop upstairs with 5 $1 bills as their change. On the way up the bellhop realizes that he can;t split the change evenly so he gives each man a $1 bill and keeps the other 2 for himself.So in the end each man paid $9 for his room and the bellhop has $2. 9 times 3 =$27 plus the bellhops $2 =$29. Where did the other dollar go?

2006-07-11 10:33:56 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

Face down in Ricky Lake

2006-07-11 10:32:25 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Funny Bumper Stickers
In case any of you are in the bumper sticker business, you'll
surely sell lots of your product with these gems:
1. "Madness Takes Its Toll. Please Have Exact Change."
2. "Buckle Up. It Makes it Harder For Aliens to Snatch You From the
Car."
3. "My Reality Check Just Bounced."
4. "Sorry, Officer. My Radar Detector Was Unplugged."
5. "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts. Do You Want Fries With That?"
6. "Keep Honking. I'm Reloading."
7. "Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set!"
8. "Alcohol And Calculus Don't Mix: Do Not Drink And Derive."
9. "Jesus Saves. He Uses Double Coupons."
10. "Forget World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal."
11. "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beer Holder."
12. "If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer!"
13. "To Err Is Human, To Moo Bovine."
14. "Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet."
15. "No Radio. Already Stolen. Sorry To Disappoint You."
16. "I Wonder If You'd Drive Any Better If That Cell Phone Was Up
Your Butt?"
17. "I Brake For Tailgaters."
18. "Say No To Drugs. That Will Keep The Prices Down."
19. "If You Don't Like The Way I Drive, Stay Off The Sidewalk!"
20. "Do Not Read This Bumper Sticker."

2006-07-11 10:28:10 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html/jingle_bells_reversed.shtml

2006-07-11 10:24:07 · 6 answers · asked by bigd13_panthers 3

Please show me! I WANA SEE HIS FACE!

2006-07-11 10:23:21 · 4 answers · asked by |-SalMaN-| 2

i know its really gay but i wanna know if theres anyone but me who knows this dumbass joke......What did the dear say with no eyes?

2006-07-11 10:19:02 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

First 1 wit the right answer gets 10 points.

Seafloor rocks from a secret area above the Arctic Circle were recently analyzed by Z-Globe. The company had a contract with Spacegov.biz to test the rocks for nickel. Z-Globe found that six samples from the first location were composed of an average of 8.16% nickel. Ten samples from the second location yielded an average of 6.76% nickel. What was the overall average nickel content of the rock samples? Round your answer to the nearest hundredth.

Show ur work so I know u aint copy some1 elses

2006-07-11 10:17:13 · 8 answers · asked by Giants Fan 3

I know that Polack jokes are really popular with some people, but I really don't get it. How did the dumb Pole stereotype come about?

2006-07-11 09:48:43 · 10 answers · asked by tangerine 7

Obviously, they are not interested in money or else they could have made millions by filming her nine months of pregneancy for cable and calling it " Rosemary's Baby- the remake"

And I think Suri was manufactured in a lab; I think she has a "do not remove except by consumer " tag on her head. This is why the won't allow her to be photographed yet. Her head has to harden completely so that they can pull that tag off.

Or Suri came out black which means Katie was getting it on with the postman...or whomever.

Or maybe Suri is really just a subliminal mesage from Katie to the outside world that she is "sorry" (get it suri = sorry) for getting involved with that gay nutjob. Not that all gays are not jobs...

What do you think....I think I'm onto something.

2006-07-11 09:39:28 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Top Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend's Parents...

10. Can I pull my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.

9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too.

8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?

7. Sara is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.

6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion.

5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.

4. Can you believe it! Those **** heads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!

3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?

2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?

1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.

2006-07-11 09:31:47 · 12 answers · asked by ReD SoX #1 3

People who believe in fairies, or believe they are fairies, will be able to answer this one....
Fairy's Godmother called Fairy's godfather and whispered something in his ear...and Fairy godfather peeped out the window , called Fairy in , and gave her a helluve hiding...
She was sitting on a toadstool...

2006-07-11 09:18:42 · 6 answers · asked by Featherman 5

an american, an iraqi,japenese, and a black man are setting at a camp fire...

the american asked... what would you guys do for your people or your country?

the american says i know what i would do.. i would die in war for my country...

the japenese says.. i would be a kami-kazi for my people...

the black man says, i would kill a whitey... for my people...

and the Iraqi i dont know about you but i would do this for my people..

-------he stands up with bombs strapped to him and kills himself with all the others.....

2006-07-11 09:07:31 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 09:06:35 · 10 answers · asked by f d 1

Keep it clean and it's worth points!

2006-07-11 09:02:53 · 27 answers · asked by Saudi Geoff 5

Anyone know, correct answer gets 10 pts.

2006-07-11 09:02:34 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 08:56:36 · 9 answers · asked by bensbigbro 1

I need a good joke right now

2006-07-11 08:54:15 · 6 answers · asked by Baller 2

2 nurses chatting.....

1st nurse says "I'm having my boobs enlarged"
2nd nurse says "I'm having my a***hole bleached"
1st nurse replies "I can't imagine your husband with blonde hair!"

2006-07-11 08:52:12 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

OK, there's 3 guys with their wives, and they all get together for dinner one night. The men and women are on opposite sides of the table.

The first guy says to his wife, "Pass the honey, Honey". She giggles and smiles at him, and passes him the honey.

The second guy wanted to say something similar to what his friend said, so he looks to his wife and says, "Pass the sugar, Sugar." She smiles at him in a sexy way, and passes him the sugar.

The third guy isn't quite as bright as the other two, and he's wracking his mind for something to say to his wife, so that he isn't the odd guy out. Both of his buddies impressed their wives with their cute jokes, and after thinking for a few seconds, he comes up with the perfect thing to say. He looks over to his wife ...

"Pass the ham, Pig".

2006-07-11 08:51:15 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous