can anyone make me laugh?

Question

I need a good joke right now

Answer 1

a black guy,whiteguy,japense and an iraqi are on a 50-fott building...

the japenese guy says this is for my people----jumps off

the iraqi says this is for my people----jumps off

the black guy says this is for my people-----pushes the white man off

Answer 2

Things not to say to a naked guy
(giggle and point!)
Are you cold?
At least this won't take long.
But it still works, right?
Can I be honest with you?
Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
Do you take steroids?
Does it come with an air pump?
Every heard of clearasil?
Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
I didn't know they came that small.
I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
I never saw one like that before.
If you get me real drunk first.
It looks like a night crawler.
It looks so unused.
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
It's more fun to look at.
It's ok, we'll work around it.
I've smoked fatter joints than that.
Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
Never mind, why bother.
Oh no, a flash headache.
Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
This explains your car.
What is that?
Where's the rest of it?
Who circumcised you?
Why don't we just cuddle?
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Wow, but your feet are so big.
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Your big gun is more like a BB gun.

Answer 3

14 Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out


14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA.

13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.

12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere."

11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she
learns you're worth 45,000 points.

10) "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again."

9) Your cyber-lover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List.

8) Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by.

7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms.

6) You can barely make out your S. L.'s face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats.

5) He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company.

4) Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fast!@cyber-promotions.com has become cold and distant.

3) She's suddenly changed her address to [e-mail]

2) Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious [e-mail]

1) In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year old boy she'd pretended to be.

Answer 4

there was a gang memeber name lil mute mute he was mexican
and a black homeless man there the homeless man post and front of the store begging for money to get something to eat.
so the lil mute mute came out of the store , the the homeless man replied, you got a dollar the mexican boy sad no
but i got a idea i need some money to .so the mexican boy an the homeless man was talking ,to mex boy, said i got a idea
i got one of those life insurance policy came in the mail.
said to the homeless man , he said what do you mean.
yes imgoing to fake my death.in i get the money then i can help you,
out, to get on your feet. homeless man replied ''how much is it .
it's 250,000 dallor's i can get that lowrider car ,i wanted,
i can help you with a house,and some food.the homeless man replied, you no you can get time or in trouble for that ,you know ,i know.
mex boy, said all i need you to do yes go down to the funeral home an talk to the undertaker. ok they went to talk with them ,
now is the day of the funeral mexican boy said hold this cell phone, homeless man said you going to have to pratice being steel with out trying to laugh.so they had the fake funeral with all the mexican boy family there where he'd faking his death at, the
funeral home.the mexican boy pass the test as being dead in the casket ,he said that was real hard ,but he's family really think he's dead.now every body wrapping it up to go to the cementary ,
the homeless man told the mexican boy he got the money ,and he be at the cementary in a few hours ,he going to take a shower
an happy as hell.now they drop the casket with tha boy in the grave what people dont no he got a oygen tank hiding on the side of in his casket, a hour later the grave digger dont no that he was faking his death,so the y left so a couple hour's later lil mute mute the mexican boy called the homeless man up .beeeep
beeeeeeep beeeep.hello who this lil mute mute
he whrisperd did you get the money '' yes '' the homeless man said, ok how much you got 250.000. ok ! im ready call the digger
to left me up ,ok beeeeeep beeeeeep beeeeep three way ,
they not ansewering .i forgot they left,well **** im running out of oxygen do me a favor man,go down to home deport get a couple of shelve's come down to the cementary on s. broadway lane
come dig plot 187 cause i cant breathe, my oygen tank running out of air, the homeless man replied ,IM SORRY LIL MUTE MUTE BUT HOME DEPOT IS CLOSE IT 11:36pm THE ONLY WAY YOU GOING TO GET OUT OF THAT GRAVE IF YOU CAN
FLIP ON YOUR BACK, AN PRAY THAT YOU SUPERMAN CUZ YOU AINT GOING TO GET OUT OF ALL THAT DIRT.will you please hang up in dail your caller againBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Answer 5

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: That's not funny.

Answer 6

haaaa haaaahaaaahaaaahaaaaahaaaahaaaahaaahhaaaaahaaaahaaahhaaahaaaaahaaaahaaaahaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaaahaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaahaaaaaahaaaahaaaa lol