Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-11 00:32:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

This one actually happened at Harvard University. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high
glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised
her hand and asked,
"If I understand what you are saying,there is a lot of glucose in
male semen,as in sugar?" "That's correct."responded the professor,
going on to add much statistical data.Raising her hand again, the sweet
young thing asked , "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?". After a stunned
silence,
the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright
red and
as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or
rather
implied),she picked up her books without a word and walked out of
the
class,and never returned.However,as she was going out of the
door,the
professor's reply was a classic.Totally straight-faced, he
answered her
question,
"It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are
on the
tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!"

2006-07-11 00:20:59 · 15 answers · asked by nits s 1

if you dont have kids say you do!

i wont let my kids go to michael Jacksons house or to church!

2006-07-10 23:49:06 · 20 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

2006-07-10 23:35:40 · 6 answers · asked by Chamith R 1

what is black and white and sit in the corner and cries?
if you get that answere then try this one!
what is black and white and sits in the corner and laughs?


a preg nun
and the preist who did it!

2006-07-10 23:34:36 · 6 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

if you get that answere then try this one!
what is black and white and sits in the corner and laughs?

2006-07-10 23:28:04 · 14 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

the best will get the 10 ofcourse

2006-07-10 23:20:15 · 16 answers · asked by udayy2 3

what has 4 wheels and fly's?

2006-07-10 23:19:15 · 9 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

2006-07-10 23:14:40 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is red and green and go's 100 mph?

2006-07-10 23:12:14 · 8 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

2006-07-10 23:02:33 · 14 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

like 'if' can be F
'you' is ofcourse 'U'
'eaten' can be E10....etc
how many can you make up?

2006-07-10 22:45:56 · 17 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

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Not here silly! .

2006-07-10 22:44:23 · 23 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's a*s and say, 'How about a blo*job?' ... and she's always sound asleep."

2006-07-10 22:44:10 · 4 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

to be stuck in a desolate island? Michael Jackson or G. Bush?

2006-07-10 22:35:03 · 10 answers · asked by chilli 4

*If lawyers are debarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, dry cleaners depressed?
*If it's zero degrees outside today, and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
*Why is it called building when it is already built?
*If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
*Is it possible to be totally partial?
*If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
*If all the world is a stage where is the audience sitting?
*Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
*When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?
*If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
*Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
*Why is it if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
*Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
*I thought how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me ...they are ramming for their final exams.

2006-07-10 22:30:16 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.
She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.
"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.
"Really?" she said, softening, "How many models have there been?"
"Four," he replied, "A jug, two apples, and a vase."

2006-07-10 22:27:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card
in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I kidnapped the man who owns this
car and stuffed him in the trunk.

Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly
surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the registration.
The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Gun ? What...there’s no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: I said what ????
Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him
you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that
there was a body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, And I’ll bet he told you I was speeding too!!!

2006-07-10 22:25:23 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-10 22:20:26 · 19 answers · asked by oz 1

1. Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of
cotton.

2. The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the
varieties of pickles the company once had.

3. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every
two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.

4. The Declaration of Independence was written on
hemp paper.

5. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a
"tittle".

6. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne
will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom
of the glass to the top.

7. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

8. A duck's quack doesn't echo ... no one knows
why.

9. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales
of Happy Meals.

10. Every person has a unique tongue print

11. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were
misspelled.

12. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who
had red eyes. He was albino.

13. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the
wrong parents daily.

14. During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small
red car can be seen in the distance
.
15. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother
and sister.

16. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous
system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

17. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing
up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing
the shark to explode.

18. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

19. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland
because he doesn't wear pants.

20. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

21. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper'
and 'lower' because in the time when all original
print had to be set in individual letters, the upper
case' letters were stored in the case on top of the
case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

22. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and
draw with the other at the same time.

23. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out
during World War II were made of wood.

24. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling
casinos.

25. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter
Pan, there was never a recorded Wendy before!

26. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme
with: orange, purple and silver!

27. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it
took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips
.
28. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make
it instantly go mad and sting itself to death
.
29. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original
"Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.

30. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and
four pennies, you have $1.19 You also have the largest
amount of money in coins without being able to make
change for a dollar.

31. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your
back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought
this list was completely useless).

32. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an
old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat
your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

33. American Airlines saved $40,000 in '87 by
eliminating one olive from each salad served in first
class.

34. The first product Motorola started to develop
was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the
most known player on the market was the Victrola, so
they called themselves Motorola

35. Celery has negative calories! It takes more
calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has
in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!

36. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you
from crying!

37. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified
kosher.

38. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for
being the book most often stolen from Public
Libraries.

39. Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible
computer wasn't considered a hundred percent
compatible unless it could run Microsoft's
Flight Simulator game..

40. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before
they go into space because passing wind in a space
suit damages them.

2006-07-10 22:18:12 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. "I'm sorry, he's dead.," was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply was, " I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."....

2006-07-10 22:06:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell da best joke u like.

2006-07-10 22:05:25 · 5 answers · asked by Fishi 3

In your head or out loud say im a man after every thing i write down - you went to the store____You met a girl____Together you came to your apartmant____You both went to bed____In bed she whispered____! That was funny!

2006-07-10 21:54:41 · 12 answers · asked by pinkcatrockies 1

A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen!Thirteen! Thirteen!" He's very curious about all this, so he finds a hole in the fence, looks in and someone pokes him in the eye with a sharp stick. Everyone in the asylum starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!".....

2006-07-10 21:52:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a tree falls down in a forest and no one is around to here it does it make a sound?If a plane crashes on a deserted island were do they burry the survivors?If a rooster lays an egg on the roof wich way does it fall North South East Or West? If the wind blows west wich way do the leaves of a pine tree go?

2006-07-10 21:49:59 · 14 answers · asked by pinkcatrockies 1

Her version: Oh did I mention or did I not? Well doesn't matter now, I already started talking. Jane came over, while I was having a cup of coffee. I didn't even sugar the coffee. By the way did you notice that I lost 10 pounds? No, you didn't notice, you never notice. Anyway she came over and wore an ARTIFICIAL wig. I mean isn't that awful? An ARTIFICIAL wig? I mean her husband could buy a real one with his money, but I didn't say anything, it's none of my business. I asked her how much weight she lost and she said she lost 20 pounds. Yeah, right, like I can see, I have eyes you know. Oh did I say why I asked her that? Because we follow the same diet, and you don't know that. Well, anyway, we sat down and had a cup of coffee.

His version: Jane came over for a cup of coffee.

♥ ◊ ♣ ♠ ♦

2006-07-10 21:42:23 · 9 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-10 21:31:41 · 11 answers · asked by chilli 4

2006-07-10 21:29:33 · 8 answers · asked by sweetlyfe86 2

A lawyer and a blond were sitting next to each other on the long flight from Melbourne to Perth. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to sleep so she politely declines and faces the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and vice versa."

Again she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention and figuring that there will be no end to the torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde does not say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now it's her turn.

2006-07-10 21:22:56 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

I was driving around town a few weeks ago, and I encountered this car with a bumper sticker that read, " If I wanted to hear an a**hole, I'd fart"

By the way, the person driving was a fat woman drinking diet coke and eating cheeseburgers. LOL

2006-07-10 21:17:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous