make me laugh.(best joke 10 points)?

Answer 1

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?

Answer 2

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say,..." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."...

A photographer for a national news magazine was assigned to get photos of a big forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not my instructor?"
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach. "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going up! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits--yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

A man walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The man is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAMN DAY!" The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the man says, "What's that noise?"

Answer 3

ohhhh

hehe i just posted this ..

Her version: Oh did I mention or did I not? Well doesn't matter now, I already started talking. Jane came over, while I was having a cup of coffee. I didn't even sugar the coffee. By the way did you notice that I lost 10 pounds? No, you didn't notice, you never notice. Anyway she came over and wore an ARTIFICIAL wig. I mean isn't that awful? An ARTIFICIAL wig? I mean her husband could buy a real one with his money, but I didn't say anything, it's none of my business. I asked her how much weight she lost and she said she lost 20 pounds. Yeah, right, like I can see, I have eyes you know. Oh did I say why I asked her that? Because we follow the same diet, and you don't know that. Well, anyway, we sat down and had a cup of coffee.

His version: Jane came over for a cup of coffee.

Answer 4

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."

The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge. I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line."

There was this woman who was having problems with her sex life.

She was not getting enough sex from her man so she went to see a sex therapist.

After explaining her problem the doctor gave her a pill to slip in her boyfriend's drink next time they had dinner and he assured her she would be in for a great time.

The next day the doctor called her up and asked how she went, and the girl said everything was perfect except for one thing.

"Well, what was that?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I slipped the tablet into his drink at dinner and then he went wild, he grabbed me and kissed me and touched me like never before, then he pushed everything off the table and we made wild passionate steamy love right there on the dinner table. It was the best ever!"

The doctor then asked, "Then what is your problem?

"I don't think we'll be welcome at McDonald's anymore."

Answer 5

The Lady and the Priest


A lady on a flight seated next to a priest says," I purchased a sophisticated electronic hair remover. I paid a lot for it and I fear they will confiscate it from me. Could you perhaps pass it through Customs for me under your robes?"

"I could my dear, only I am not able to lie."

And with that she hands him the hair remover.

After landing they proceed through Customs.

"Father, do you have anything to declare?" asks the Customs officer.

"From the top of my head to my waist I have nothing to declare my son."

"And from the waist to the floor, what do you have to declare?" asks the Customs officer.

The father replies, "I have a marvelous little instrument destined to be used on a woman, but which has never yet been used"

Roaring with laughter, the Custom's officer says, "Go right through, Father. Next!"

Answer 6

he he he
this is the best joke

Answer 7

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/;_ylt=AhLY7_Gd4XKV.nV901TVL04ezKIX?qid=20060711013141AAM3zca

Answer 8

A man had a horse.................
..................
..............
The horse had no problem with that.