Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

That's easy A-Flat minor! LOL G'nite y'all

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-11 17:56:58 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 17:42:58 · 4 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

asuming that only will be on the main page for a minute, how many people would see it in that minute and answer before it's taken off the main page and casted into oblivion?

2006-07-11 17:38:39 · 20 answers · asked by Amet 2

"You'll never believe this. If you play an AOL 9.0 CD backwards you can hear all kinds of evil and satanic messages!"

"That's nothing--if you play it forwards, it installs AOL."

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-11 17:34:42 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

An organ that goes flat in the middle of a piece.
Bwaaahahahaha

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-11 17:30:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

This pyscho answers like all my questions and sits by my mailbox sometimes and plays music while eating pizza in a raincoat

2006-07-11 17:29:30 · 9 answers · asked by I tell it like it is 1

what goes click click click, is that it? click click, is that it?






a blindman working on the rubiks cube.



the interview of stevie wonder was never published.....


INTERVIEWER: so, hows it like being blind?

STEVIE: well, it could have been worse... i could have been black..




a group of AMERICANS are in a alley, an iraqi walks down there.....the AMERICANS cornered him,

IRAQI: what do you guys want?

GUYS: well, heres what we will do.... we will give you a dice.....

if you roll a 1,2,3,4,5 we will kick the crap out of you....

IRAQI: well, what happens if i roll a 6?

AMERICANS: you roll again

2006-07-11 17:23:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 17:19:15 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

I killed one quarter of mankind...

Who am I?

2006-07-11 17:13:59 · 19 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

How do you outrun a croc?

2006-07-11 17:13:49 · 8 answers · asked by Texas Cowboy 7

Finish this sentence.

2006-07-11 17:12:33 · 4 answers · asked by Texas Cowboy 7

What's black, crispy, and sits at the top of the stairs??




Christopher Reeves in a house fire.

2006-07-11 17:10:48 · 7 answers · asked by I tell it like it is 1

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says,
"Doc, I'm constipated."

The doctor examines him for a minute and then
says, "Lean over the table."

The construction worker leans over the table, the
doctor whacks him on the *** with a baseball bat,
and then sends him into the bathroom.

He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I
feel great. What should I do?"

The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

2006-07-11 17:06:02 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two lawyers went out for a daysail. The boat was
holed and they ended up in the liferaft. After
many days of drifting about a group of barren
islands they drifted past an island with a sandy
beach and a beautiful naked woman sunning
herself.

One attorney said 'Lets paddle over to that
island and screw her.'

The other replied 'outta what?'

2006-07-11 17:03:10 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde calls the fire department and yelled,
"Help me, help me, my house is on fire."

The chief replied, "Ok, how do we get there?"

The blonde says, "Duh, the red truck!"

2006-07-11 16:56:08 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it!)

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmm.....)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did the gov't pay for this research??)

Polar bears are left handed. (Who knew?, Who cares!)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. That makes the catfish #1 for the animal having the most taste buds.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death. (Creepy!)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....")

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity!)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Oh, geez!)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too!)

After reading all these, all I can say is..."Damn Pigs"!!!

2006-07-11 16:45:09 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

MARRIAGE I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. A man inserted an "ad" in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel! Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late." A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying!"

2006-07-11 16:33:13 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

In the field is a cow that you suspect is not a cow at all, but a spy in disguise. Nearby are two farmers, one who always lies and one who always tells the truth. What single question could you ask either one of them to find out if that cow is really a cow?

2006-07-11 16:25:48 · 34 answers · asked by Kris13 2

2006-07-11 16:22:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 16:20:14 · 20 answers · asked by Nic d 1

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why DO you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he couldn’t communicate with me."

2006-07-11 16:17:38 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent which is being renovated, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior
is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and decide that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door, and a man enters. "Nice boobs," says the man. "Where do you want these blinds?"

2006-07-11 16:06:58 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 16:05:57 · 18 answers · asked by Dizzy 2

2006-07-11 15:59:09 · 3 answers · asked by skaterkew0 2

2006-07-11 15:56:49 · 19 answers · asked by RAQUEL V 1

Would she then be known as Ella Vader?

2006-07-11 15:55:05 · 5 answers · asked by Teal_Guillemot 1

okay i was at my friends house and she thought it would be funny to put plastic wrap on the toilet seat and vaseline...yea well it wasnt pretty and i was mad!! so i need some good pranks that i could do to her...in a public place...at home...wherever...she thinks i am going to get her back by putting plastic wrap on the toilet seat so she basically checks everytime...but im not...so any good pranks?? the one i use will get the 10 points!!

2006-07-11 15:32:11 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 15:29:52 · 10 answers · asked by Viviana 1

My fiance asked me this one and i know the answer so the first person to get it right WITH an explanation gets the points.

I am six letters long until you minus one, then i am twelve.

2006-07-11 15:23:13 · 5 answers · asked by froggy girl 2

I really want to hear one towards me...

2006-07-11 15:21:34 · 21 answers · asked by pshh =] 5