Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-12 01:39:27 · 16 answers · asked by ticklefoot 4

There is a move in judo where the recipient of the blow reaches instant orgasm, leaving them open to attack.

2006-07-12 01:38:19 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Eg. "The Haunted House" by Hugo First. (You go First - geddit?)
Gimme some more. The funniest can have some points. 2 points for trying.

2006-07-12 01:23:34 · 7 answers · asked by Lizard 3

2006-07-12 01:20:00 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

You're so good at "drinking to forget" that you sometimes forget how to walk.

Whenever someone in a suit spills your well bourbon it magically transforms into top shelf scotch on the way to the floor.

You laugh at funerals but weep like a baby whenever you hear about a beer truck overturning.

You'd rather be a bus driver than an astronaut because, hey, there ain't no beer where they're going.

You don't mind when your wife finds you stinking drunk in a bar, because then you can hit her up for a free drink.

Pink elephants get drunk and they see you.

You can get drunk on Scotch tape.

You're not a hard drinker. It's the easiest thing you do.

You like to have a drink between drinks.

You'd join AA but your always too drunk too memorize the pledge.

Your sleep number is 151... proof.

You quit drinking once, and it was the worst afternoon of your life.

You won't eat an olive unless it's sterilized in gin.

You think Beethoven's Fifth is a bottle of schnapps.

You're living a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget. Except you don't like champagne so you just drink lots and lots of beer.

Gin rummy sounded like a fun game.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-12 01:15:57 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

8549176320
Have a go, its a good one, i got it pretty quick but it was funny when my engineering buddies couldnt get it for ages.

2006-07-12 01:15:16 · 8 answers · asked by A Drunken Man 2

1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221
1113213211

Hope i have written it down correct

2006-07-12 01:10:57 · 11 answers · asked by A Drunken Man 2

http://www.jokes.pp.ru/jokes.pl?page=122&cat=0

2006-07-12 01:08:28 · 5 answers · asked by bubbacornflakes 5

that goes through a bugs mind when it hit's your windshield?

2006-07-12 00:59:50 · 10 answers · asked by ghostguff 2

one of them was permitted to spend the night in her own home. Once,as dawn drew near & she had to return to her companions in the feild to become a flower again,she said to her husband, "If you come & pick me this morning,I'll be set free,& be able to stay with you forever." And that is exactly what happened. Now the question is how her husband could recognize her? For all the flowers were all the same with no distinguishing marks. One very small hint, this was written by The Brothers Grimm. Good Luck!

2006-07-12 00:59:42 · 5 answers · asked by Cognito 3

A: Give her a slap

2006-07-12 00:55:40 · 13 answers · asked by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2

2006-07-12 00:49:06 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-12 00:48:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-12 00:47:36 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Salma Hayek is never happier then when she's rolling around on her tummy-tum-tum, colouring in the pictures in her Aristocats sketchbook and nibbling on her giant marzipan ball. She then rises, bows to the director and leaves the set.

2006-07-12 00:46:24 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little blind girl goes up to her mom and says, "Mommy mommy, when will i be able to see? Her Mom replies. "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream and went back home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the thought of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped her eyes with a bandage and took her to bed.
The next morning the little girl went to her moms room shouting, "Mommy Mommy, hurry take off the bandage. i want to be able to see again. The mother took the bandage off slowly. and the girl was getting more excited. When the bandage was off...the little girl said. "But Mommy....i still cant see...
Her Mother replied........



APRIL FOOLS

2006-07-12 00:44:31 · 9 answers · asked by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2

when they are on the rag!

2006-07-12 00:06:08 · 4 answers · asked by ghostguff 2

1st one to get it etc etc....♠

2006-07-11 23:59:54 · 13 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

2006-07-11 23:59:51 · 23 answers · asked by NICE 1

2006-07-11 23:57:30 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 23:56:10 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-11 23:44:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

like:
"did you just have a shower??"
"NO...there was a thunderstorm in the bathroom"
orrr
seeing a man in a stretcher taken in an ambulance "are they taking you to hospital??"
"NO...I'm going to watch the world cup"
etc etc

2006-07-11 23:34:59 · 8 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

A tribesman was wondering in the forest. when all of a sudden he is captured by a clansmen of another tribe. he is brought to the leader and the clansman says" chief we caught this man wondering on our land, what shall we do. The cheif answers ...we will give him 50 'ishes( that is two fingers poked in the butt hole 50 times) So the clansmen bends him over and gives him 50 ishes.
The tribesman walks home and tells his wife what happened. She tells him "you are a man you must get revenge" So he heads out the next day to catch a tribesman. He see one by the river and go to attack him, but is quickly captured. They bring him back to the cheif and the chief say" you haven't learned, this time you will receive 100 ishes. So they gave him 100 ishes and sent him home. when he got home he could verely walk. "What happened to you ?" the wifes asks. He told her "i got caught this time i got 100 ishes." the wife said you must get revenge, you are a man, they can not do that to you. So after his

2006-07-11 23:30:13 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

It starts of with the usual stuff about a lady releasing a genie from a bottle and getting 3 wishes. But, he says, whatever you wish for your husband will get 10 times more.
Her first wish, I want to be the most beautifull woman in the world,
Ok said the genie but that makes your husband the most handsome man in the world.
Next 'I want to be the richest woman the world,. OK said the genie but your husband is 10 times richer than you.
My last wish said the lady 'I want a mild heart attack'

2006-07-11 23:18:14 · 11 answers · asked by Buck 5

2006-07-11 23:16:11 · 7 answers · asked by amir Esteghlaly 1

Oh........Maybe next time.

2006-07-11 23:03:53 · 5 answers · asked by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2

2006-07-11 23:03:07 · 12 answers · asked by pureessence 2

1. A hillfull a holeful you cannot catch a bowlful
2. In marble walls as white as milk Lined with skin as soft as silk Within a fountain crystal clear A golden apple does appear No doors are there to this stronghold Yet theives break in and steal the gold
3.Long legs, bandy thighs A little head and no eyes

2006-07-11 22:22:04 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell me the dirtiest joke you know but use lots of *s like this. F**k you.

2006-07-11 21:51:23 · 15 answers · asked by Nerdbot 5000 2