whats your best joke?

Answer 1

ok this blond walks into a best buy and theres a sign that says no blonds so she colors her hair black because theres 90% off some of the new stuff there.........she walks in and asks how much is this tv? the man at the desk say ur a blond so plz lev now.......so she gose colors her hair brown and gose asks a different person and she says how much is this tv? and that person knows that she was a blone too and asked her to lev once more............she thinks to herself and she thought that thy remembered wat she looked like so she colors her hair red and makes herself look like a rocker but comes bake the next day and asks someone different how much is that tv overthere and he says ur a blond plz lev as he walks her out she stops and asks him how do u know im a blond? and he says thats not a tv its a microwave.............

Answer 2

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral s e x she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral s e x she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

Answer 3

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead have all recently died, and are trying to get into Heaven. God is waiting for them and tells them that the Stairway to Heaven has 99 steps, and on each one, God will tell them a joke. If they laugh - they will go to Hell.
They start off well, but by step 12 the redhead can't take it anymore and laughs - off to Hell!
On step 49 the brunette laughs and goes to Hell, but the blonde is still going strong - God is impressed.
The blonde arrives on step 99 and before God tells the joke, she laughs uncontrollably for some time. God looks at her, very confused, 'What are you doing? I haven't told you the joke yet..'
'I know' she says, 'but I just got the first joke!'

Teehee sorry blondies!

Answer 4

Only the best I can think of at the moment: -

Little five year old Timmy pesters his dad every day for a television in his room, and every day his dad refuses. However, on his sixth birthday his dad relents and buys him one.
A couple of days pass and mum and dad are sitting quietly (he's watching a nature programme and she's doing some knitting) when Timmy walks in and says "Mummy. Daddy. What's love juice?"
After a suitable shocked silence in which mum drops her knitting and sits with her jaw hanging open like a guppy at feeding time, dad sits Timmy down and explains - to Timmy's mounting horror - about the practicalities of sex and the essence of female lubrication.
Timmy sits down in stunned amazement and his dad asks "So, what have you been watching then, son?"
Johnny replies "Only Wimbledon, daddy!"

Answer 5

There was once a woman who worked in an office building. One day, as she was getting coffee in the break room, a guy came up to her and said, "You have great-smelling hair!" Every day for the rest of the week, as she was getting coffee, the same guy would come up to her and tell her she had great-smelling hair. After about a week of this, she couldn't take it anymore, so she decided to go to the personnel department to file a sexual harassment complaint. The personnel director asked the woman, "How is it sexual harassment if this guy tells you your hair smells great?" The woman then replied, "It's Bob the midget!"

Answer 6

whats the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
you take your shoes off to use a trampoline.
whats the difference between a man and a cucumber?
a cucumber doesnt make you sleep in the wet patches.
whats a lesbian?
just another woman trying to do a mans job!

and thats all folks,thanks for coming

Answer 7

3 elephants sat at a bus-stop. a bus pulls up and 2 of the elephants get up, 3rd elephant stands up and says "hold on lads...what are we doing? we're ELEPHANTS!!!"

3 elephants walking down a road, one of them stops suddenly and says "screw this! I'm catching the bus!"

2 elephants walking down a road when one of them stops suddenly and says "where's Geoff?" The other one stops and looks round and says "he CAUGHT THE BUS!!!".

2 elephants arrive at the gates of the sticky-bun factory just as the gates are closing. Geoff is standing by the gate looking well fed and with icing sugar roung the end of his trunk, "You're too late lads, you should have caught the bus!"

Answer 8

a retired couple are walking down the street,when suddenly a fairy pops out of nowhere.she says,"you two look like such a lovely couple,im going to give you one wish each!".the woman replies,"id love for me and my husband to have plenty of money,so we can go on a lovely expensive cruise together,with a beautiful cabin,champagne and the best meals."with a wave of a wand,the money falls into the old ladies purse.now its the mans turn....he turns to his wife and says "sorry love....id like a woman thirty years younger than i am" with a wave of the wand this happends....and turns the man into a 90 yr old! the moral of this story is,fairies are FEMALE!!

Answer 9

the joke about the cat and mouse

Answer 10

So, this really ugly woman walks into Walmart with her two kids

The greeter at the store asks "are they twins?"

The ugly woman says no, this one is 9 and the other is seven, "why, do you think they look alike?"

The guy says "No, Its just hard to beleive that you got laid twice!"


hahahaha I love that one!