Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-14 13:22:25 · 5 answers · asked by spackler 6

A guy asks his mate How do you teach a girl to swim?
his mate says Right, well you get her to stretch out in the water
you put one hand just below her chest to support her
the other hand supports her thighs and you say move your arms about a bit then you sort swish her back and forwards in the water and say keep breathing steadily and you move her about saying keep stretched out
The bloke says, Its a lot of effort to teach my sister to swim
and his mate says Your sister? Just chuck her in the deep end.

2006-07-14 13:18:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

all the junk u have inside with you is a table broken into 2, a mirror, newspaper and some useless junk...how do you get out...and there is a way

2006-07-14 13:13:35 · 5 answers · asked by LoVeLy 3

2006-07-14 12:01:51 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

whats sad is that 3 out of 4 grown ups get three out of 4 wrongbut in the case of toddlers 3 out of 4 questions are answered right.
1.how do you fit an elephant in a refridgerator?
2.how do you fit a giraffe in a refridgerator?
3.if all the animals in the junle have a meeting,wich one is absent?
4.how do you get across an alligator infested lake?

pull the qustions together like a book to get answers.
Ill tell you when someone wins.

2006-07-14 11:55:36 · 24 answers · asked by paper_mario_2_rocks 2

AND WHERE WAS MY CUT OF THE MONEY?

2006-07-14 11:43:32 · 18 answers · asked by Valkyrie 4

what is so fragile when u say it's name u break it?

2006-07-14 11:35:40 · 17 answers · asked by MDB 1

what is more powerful than god more eviler than the devil rich need it poor have it if you eat it you will die?

2006-07-14 11:25:48 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-14 11:12:24 · 5 answers · asked by K.I.D. 2

What do you get?

2006-07-14 10:49:09 · 7 answers · asked by Texas Cowboy 7

The nurse in a doctors office, tells the doctor that there is an invisible man in the waiting room. The docotr tells her..."tell him I can't see him now."

2006-07-14 10:44:16 · 10 answers · asked by loufedalis 7

If johny's mother have 3 children and the first child name's Nickel, the second one name's Dime therefore, what is the third child's name?

2006-07-14 10:37:45 · 12 answers · asked by Hermes 2

If God created Adam and Eve, did they have belly buttons

2006-07-14 10:37:06 · 22 answers · asked by projetkarma 2

A man hurts his elbow & goes to the dr. When the nurse takes him to the room, she hands him a cup & tells him that they need a urine sample. "A urine sample?" the man asks, "For what, I hurt my elbow?" The nurse replies, "We have a new machine that can diagnose anything by a urine sample." So, the man pees in the cup & hands it to the nurse. The dr comes in and tells him he has the worst case of tennis elbow he has ever seen, gives him some exercises & to come back in two weeks with another sample. So, the guy goes homes & thinks "I'm really gonna get this dr" so he pees in it, has his wife pee in it, his daughter, his dog, puts some crankcase oil from the car & j**** off & puts that in there. When he gets back to the dr, he hands it over & waits. The doc walks in a few minutes later & says, "Alright smartass, your wife's got VD, your daughter's pregnant, your dog's got rabies, your car's about to throw a rod and if you don't quit j***ing off that tennis elbow's never going to heal!"

2006-07-14 10:31:06 · 17 answers · asked by icddppl 5

A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:

Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

For 22 minutes, I'm Anthony St. George, and I'm sorry

2006-07-14 10:19:56 · 2 answers · asked by centreofclassicrock 4

Jack and Jill are in a field. Jack is wearing a backpack and is laying there dead, Jill is fine. How did Jack die.

2006-07-14 10:07:51 · 17 answers · asked by CAPTAIN CONSERVATIVE 2

Its ok he is all right now !

2006-07-14 10:02:14 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-14 09:57:58 · 15 answers · asked by hooter1315 2

Whats the riddle thingie that goes There is a place in mars where... i don't rember the resT

2006-07-14 09:46:18 · 7 answers · asked by beccagoboom 3

how come me an ma cousin was out in tha yard playin a catch football, and we seen uncle bert runnin a buck naked through the corn field with a boom stick in his paws, what do yous think he was a chasin, anything would be helpful, i preciate it, thanksabunch!!

2006-07-14 09:44:36 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

why is a sphincter muscle called that, who picks out the names, because this one even sounds dirty, say it with me, sphincter, why don't they call it something a little more polite such as a pillow, or a chuck norris?? i would feel much better!!

2006-07-14 09:42:04 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-14 09:33:58 · 38 answers · asked by julian 2

i am as much as fifteen cases of beer plus two bookbags, and some graham crackers with syrup on top, how much do i weigh??

2006-07-14 09:33:41 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

2006-07-14 09:24:33 · 12 answers · asked by julian 2

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses comes into the shop. How does HE indicate what he wants?

(check for the right answer in 15 minutes)

2006-07-14 09:24:15 · 12 answers · asked by Diezel 4

A man was shot to death while in his car. There were no powder marks on his clothing, which indicated that the gunman was outside the car. However, all the windows were up and the doors locked. After a close inspection was made, the only bullet-holes discovered were on the man's body. How was he murdered?

2006-07-14 09:15:38 · 21 answers · asked by julian 2

This married couple took their little boy to a nude beach on vacation. The little boy was in aww when seeing all these people's private parts.

He told his father that there are many women with bigger boobs then his mother. He asked what this meant. His father said that the bigger the boobs the sillier the woman.

He told his mother that there are many men with a bigger penis then his father. He asked what this meant. His mother said that the bigger the penis the dumber the man.

Hours later the little boy ran up to his mother "Mommy mommy dad is talking to this very very silly women and the more he talks to her the dumber he's getting!"

i thought it was funny! haha

2006-07-14 09:14:35 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I want to see how close someone can come to finding my geographic location. Whoever gets the closest and most specific will get the 10 points!

2006-07-14 09:11:35 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous U 1

2006-07-14 09:06:07 · 16 answers · asked by electrodude3 1

read carefully!!!

2006-07-14 09:05:51 · 33 answers · asked by julian 2