Jokes & Riddles - November 2007

one day a matron was patrolling the grounds of a mentally challenged hospital as usual when she noticed 1 of the patients drawning in the pool.While she was watching this another patient quickly dived inn to save his fellow friend.and indeed he saved him. Later the hero was called in to sign the release papers.
Matron: " you did a good job saving your friend's life out there".
Patient:" thank you"
Matron: "I have papers for you to sign and you are free to go home.but 1st where is yo friend I'm sure he would wnt 2 say thnk u".
Patient:" well he was so wet I took the liberty of drying him.The laudry line was full so I took a rope and hung him by the neck on the roof in my room but I dnt think he's dry yet cos dat ws 30mnts ago"

2007-11-05 23:37:47 · 11 answers · asked by ms avarage 2

If you're going to go down, go down with style. Failing your final exam can actually be an amusing experience, depending on what you make of it. Here are some suggestions...

Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
Bring cheerleaders.
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
Bring pets.
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
Come into the exam wearing a pair of birkenstocks, and nothing else.
Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out
interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc..).
Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink).
Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you start to hold your mouth and make "I'm about to bring something up" sounds.).
Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations.
Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
Bring cheat sheets FROM ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out, too) and staple them to the exam with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
One word: Wrestlemania.
Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
Play Frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why My Professor S*cks".

2007-11-05 23:35:13 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Trouble Getting It Off



An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.

Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing.

She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the top of the jar off."

2007-11-05 23:29:57 · 4 answers · asked by jesse m_violated for nothing 3

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his
sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed .. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."



Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed .. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

2007-11-05 23:28:05 · 8 answers · asked by jesse m_violated for nothing 3

Telemarketers s*ck big time. Here are some proven ways to rid your life of these a**clowns for good...


1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

2007-11-05 23:10:58 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

Things to do in the bathroom stall...

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place six to eight feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters.

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop it under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"

13. Say. "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

15. Say, "Darn, I Knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

20. When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers candy bar with you and when someone is next to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall wall and say "You got any more toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."

2007-11-05 22:46:51 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

halloween

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome
cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to
offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as
old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see
and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's
nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun
kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: 1,
you have to be single and 2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next
alley." The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts
crying. "My dear child, " says the nun, "why are
you crying?"

2007-11-05 21:57:41 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-05 16:33:36 · 19 answers · asked by Craig M 2

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, 'What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?'

The gentlemen responded, 'Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.'

Well, the woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, 'By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?'

No', she replied, 'but my cucumbers are enormous!'

2007-11-05 16:22:09 · 11 answers · asked by bernman101 6

My dad used to sing this song to me in the mid 1950's. He passed away last year and I would like to find a copy of the song.

Go to sleepy little baby,
Go to sleepy little baby,
When you wake you can have a patty cake,
and ride a shiny little pony.

Go to sleepy little baby,
Go to sleepy little baby,
Daddy's gonna be home with you and me
Then we'll never be so lonely.

Go to sleepy little baby,
Go to sleepy little baby,
When you wake you can have a patty cake,
and ride a shiny little pony.

I always thought that it might have been popular during WWII because of the reference to daddy being gone. However, I don't know that for sure.

2007-11-05 16:17:20 · 5 answers · asked by dkrgrand 6

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

2007-11-05 15:28:16 · 12 answers · asked by chad20_83 2

An elderly Polish man who lived on the outskirts of Warsaw went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father .. during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy; so I hid her in my attic." The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors." The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very stressed to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven." "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question " "And what is that?" asked the priest. "Should I tell her the war is over?"

2007-11-05 15:27:52 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single.
I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

2007-11-05 14:33:59 · 26 answers · asked by ~♥~ *CHEEKY* ~♥~ 6

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the surface over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune
>
>>
>>>
>>
>
The Wal-Mart manager sees her and shuts the horse off

2007-11-05 14:02:14 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-05 13:41:31 · 23 answers · asked by Beautiful Disaster 4

1./
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Later the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 am." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 am. Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
2./
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,not saying a word.A discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.As they passed a barnyard of mules,goats,&pigs,the hubby asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied,"in-laws"

2007-11-05 13:27:47 · 8 answers · asked by Micky G 4

Ihate the snow. It's hard to believe that a few years ago I would be happy to see it falling on the back porch of my parents' house. Snow was the mythical, magical stuff of transformation, at least until the dogs went out and turned it into a giant white, yellow, and brown exhibition piece. I always wished for a white Christmas. But now I can't even stand that cold, wet smell that blows out of the mountains in the middle of winter.
What could turn such a fantasy into the stuff of horror movies? What would ever drive me to pack my bags and haul ass to Florida forever? (Other than being a total hurricane nut?) I think my abhorrence to snow started with this incident in 1994.

My Dad and I were the first of our family to arrive in Nevada after our move. We made it to Reno just in time for the first snowfall of the year. Fortunately, our motel room had heat, and we were warm and toasty. We watched the giant lawn across the street turn white with freshly fallen powder. When the snow fi

2007-11-05 13:02:27 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Or is there anything in the glass at all?

Is the glass really there?

Or is your mind playing tricks on you?

2007-11-05 13:00:47 · 11 answers · asked by I ♥ HP™ 5

Lttle Johnny went to the police claiming he was constantly beaten by his parents. Social Services looked into it and found the whole family had abused problems going back generations. The judge didn't know what to do! Finally, he found the perfect solution. He gave Johnny to Tottenham Hotspur. They never beat anyone.


I am going to post this in the morning with Man u, Chelsea, Aston Villa and the rest and see what reaction I get.

2007-11-05 12:44:37 · 25 answers · asked by BRIAN M 5

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

2007-11-05 12:39:21 · 11 answers · asked by Rockerduderi Jr. 3

Telemarketers s*ck big time. Here are some proven ways to rid your life of these a**clowns for good...


1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!

2007-11-05 12:32:51 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

what will happen next?

2007-11-05 12:31:54 · 10 answers · asked by yahyouknow 2

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

2007-11-05 12:21:24 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in
front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it. Then buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want.Then buy a dog

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies.Then buy a dog

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to,
and loves you unconditionally, perpetually.Then buy a dog

But, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home,
leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness.

Then buy a cat.. :-)

2007-11-05 12:16:23 · 7 answers · asked by Micky G 4

thats a snobby laugh youve got.....

2007-11-05 11:59:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man gets up every sunday morning at 6 to go fishing, as he has done every sunday, for the past 30 years. He gets ready and opens the garage door to go out, when he sees that it is pouring down with rain, visous rain, winds strong blowing all the trees about, he stops and thinks, for the first time in 30 years, I'm going to go back to bed, and sleep in late. So he goes in, his wife is still in bed and hasn't seen him, he undresses and climbs back in,

" terible storm out there" he says

The wife says "I know, and my husbands out fishing in it".

2007-11-05 11:56:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

what did the chinese man say when he got a black baby?????
som tin rong
i now it is mestup but do not judge me on that

2007-11-05 11:54:06 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde brunette and a red head were walkign down a street when they found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and said u will have to climb one hundred stairs every ten stairs someone will tell u a joke but u cannot laugh. the red ehad got to the tenth stair and laughed the brunette made if to the 20th stair and laughed the blonde made it to the 99 stair and started cracking up.the person said why are u laughing i didnt even tell the joke yet.the blonde replies i just got the first joke.

2007-11-05 11:53:19 · 11 answers · asked by Lexy 2

.... Stinky-Pinky !!!!!

2007-11-05 11:50:14 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Driving Test:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are travelling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also travelling at the same speed as you . What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
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Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round...

2007-11-05 11:48:55 · 10 answers · asked by Micky G 4