Jokes & Riddles - November 2007

I thought this was the funniest thing in the world, but then again i laugh at everything who agrees with me? why or why not?

:D
lol!

http://blogs.venturacountystar.com/vcs/dennert/archives/donkey.jpg

2007-11-06 14:35:30 · 23 answers · asked by luxxx ♥ 3

its a joke/riddle

2007-11-06 13:19:38 · 22 answers · asked by Sally 2

2007-11-06 13:18:19 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Lawyers, defendents, judges, juries. What ever!

2007-11-06 13:16:07 · 7 answers · asked by Smart Kat 7

This is going with my other question of "Why shouldn't I run with scissors?"

The answers ARE actually going to be used for a purpose, I'm not just making up random questions! Thanks!

2007-11-06 13:15:51 · 10 answers · asked by Me 7

I'm writing a story about why not to run with scissors in your hand. So far I've gotten stuff like "Ever seen Happy Tree Friends?" and "Because the scissors might get motion sickness and throw up all over you".

And if you put "Because you'll poke your eye out", I will find me a nice, sharp pair of scissors and make a voodoo doll with your screen name on it and POKE IT'S EYE OUT.

=D

Thanks, lol.

2007-11-06 12:51:21 · 16 answers · asked by Me 7

Drive thru fun penguin: 1. Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your
passenger order

2. Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for.


3. Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.


4. Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.


5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.



6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.


7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on.


8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.



9. Ask how they fit into that little box.


10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.


11. Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on complain that you did not like the way the employee said "May I take your order?"


12. When asked if they can take your order say "No, why can I take yours?"


13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.


14. Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away.


15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.


16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.


17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.


18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in it.


19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.


20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

2007-11-06 12:12:14 · 8 answers · asked by ipodfloppy 6

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in. She turned and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment." His eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all, right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said "Thanks," and returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

2007-11-06 11:57:56 · 16 answers · asked by Fr3dinbed 6

a man went 2 jack in the box and asked for some fris and the jack in the box man said sorry no more fris and the man kecpt asking so the jack in the box man finally said who put the straw in strawberry the man said nature then he said who put the ap in apple nature the man replied now who put the freak in fris the man said wait the is no freak in fris yes iv ben trying 2 tell u that there r no freakin fris. it was from a video it eirther no frikin fris or fri day out hope u like

2007-11-06 11:53:08 · 3 answers · asked by Meg 2

Tell me your stupidest jokes...i tend to enjoy their stupidity.

There were two muffins in a oven.
The first muffin said, ''Man its hot in here."
The second muffin replied, " what the hell, you can talk?!"

2007-11-06 11:10:01 · 25 answers · asked by just james 3

A blond girl enters through the door and strutts up to the lady behind the counter. In a loud, obnoxious voise, while chomping on gum, she says, "um, can I have a cheesburger, a large fry and a coke, no a DIET coke!" The lady behind the counter looks at her like she has snakes coming out of her head! She finally leans in and says, "mam, this is a LIBRARY!" The blonde looks a little embarassed, but doesn't seem to care much, and leans in and whispers, "oh, sorry, i'd like a cheesburger, large fry and diet coke".

2007-11-06 10:46:14 · 10 answers · asked by 80's kid 6

2007-11-06 10:37:22 · 19 answers · asked by ★ Ðяєäмíŋg Ôυт Łøυ∂ ♥ 6

25 Things Cat Lovers Know
Here is a list of 25 things that cat-lovers know, but won't admit.

- An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

- Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.

- Dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you.

- Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

- A cat's motto is no matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

- A cat bites the hand that won't feed it fast enough.

- Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

- Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

- Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.

- Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

- Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

- Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.

- Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

- Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

- Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

- I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic.

- I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

- In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.

- On the Internet, nobody knows you're a cat.

- One cat just leads to another.

- People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

- Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. It's all true, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

- There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.

- When I wash the cat, it takes me hours to get the hair off my tongue.

- You can always tell a cat, but you can't tell him much.

2007-11-06 10:37:18 · 15 answers · asked by bellatrix 6

Mercadies Blondes


There were these 2 blondes standing outside in a parking lot next to there Mercadies vehicle.They were locked out so they were trying to get the door open with a close hanger. The 1st blonde said," You need to try harder. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"

The top 10 jokes

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!


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The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"


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A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle"

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".


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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!


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Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.


The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,

"I think they could be bird tracks."

The second blonde went to look and said,

"No, I think these are deer tracks."

They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!


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A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,


"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."


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A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"


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A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"


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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

2007-11-06 10:19:18 · 14 answers · asked by ski ice123 4

3 people (2 men 1 woman) get to the last stage in becoming a CIA hit-person.

The trainer explains that thay will be given a gun and asked to go into a room where their spouse will be sat in a chair. They have to shoot there spouse dead in order to become a hit-person.

The 1st man leaves saying he can't do it.

The 2nd goes through the door and after 5 mins come back out also saying that he can't do it.

The woman goes in and before the door is properly shut 6 shots ring out and then a lot of screaming is heard. She comes out and says "you b@stards you could have told me they were blanks, I had to beat him to death with a chair leg".

2007-11-06 10:17:14 · 12 answers · asked by cleocat 5

whats a proxide blonde and a jumbo jet got in common..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................there've both got a little black box.

2007-11-06 10:00:32 · 4 answers · asked by boris the spider 5

Here is a funny pirate joke, if you like it, please star it.

One day 3 silly pirates were stranded on island. They were walking along the shore when they saw something shiny. They picked it up and rubbed it. And what do ya know, a genie pops out!!! He says, ''You each have one wish only.'' The first one pirate wishes for strentgh. He flexes his muscles and sees that they are much bigger. He jumps in the water and swims to land. The second pirate wishes for speed. He jumps in the water and in no time flat he is on land. The third pirate wishes that he is smart. He then walks across the bridge. LOL!!!!!

2007-11-06 10:00:23 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde mechanic told his customer that he couldnt repair the brake so he made the horn louder.

A couple bought a car and a had the dealership add a few upgrades to it, when they returned to pick up the car they were informed that the keys were locked inside. Going to the service area, they found the blonde male mechanic feverishly working on opening the drivers door. The woman instinctively tired the passenger door, only to find it was opended. She said, "Hey, its open".
Blonde mechanic replied, "I know, i already did that one."

2007-11-06 09:30:48 · 13 answers · asked by Bubbles 2

2007-11-06 09:29:59 · 16 answers · asked by Just a Dog Chasing Cars 5

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
checkpoint.

Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5
people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts
disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five
persons."

"You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four.
You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the
law."

The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I
want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno"

2007-11-06 09:28:45 · 17 answers · asked by xXx Terri xXx 1

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his Son, "Boy, go git yo Momma.... "

2007-11-06 09:28:24 · 5 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

wot do you do when a bloned throws a grenade at you.....

.....take the pin out then throw it back

lmfao

no offence to all the blonde people tho

2007-11-06 09:25:01 · 18 answers · asked by jessie 1

paddy and murfi were go campin in the forrest
they have bin walkin for ages tryin to find the forrets
then paddy says to murfi ''can ya see the forrest''
murfi replys ''no the trees are in the way''

lol
does any 1 get it ??

2007-11-06 09:19:52 · 13 answers · asked by jessie 1

2007-11-06 09:18:41 · 12 answers · asked by Vologulus 2

so he goes to the doctors to see if anything can be done for him the doctor says "go out and eat the hottest curry you can find"

the young man replies "will that cure me?"

the doctor answers "no but it will teach you what your @rse is for!"

2007-11-06 09:17:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess,
"I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined on frog legs, she laughed to herself,


"I don't f**king think so!"

2007-11-06 09:15:04 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

teacher. can someone give a word using the letter A.
johnny. ar*e miss . yes very good but not a word we like to use.ok what about B. johnny bast**d miss . ok fine your right but not what we like to use.thinking about C oh no skip that what about D. johnny . dwarf miss. sigh of relief well done johnny and can you tell me what a dwarf is . yes miss says johnny it's a small c*nt about this high

2007-11-06 09:14:29 · 7 answers · asked by boris the spider 5

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress is cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.

"Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands.

"No" he replies, "I'm just the manager."

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair.

"I''m afraid I can't," breathes the manager clearly aroused. "He's in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message."

She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him" she says "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

2007-11-06 09:13:02 · 12 answers · asked by O 3

1) Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.

2) Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

3 )During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.

4 )Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.

5 )Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.

6 )Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.

7 )Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.

2007-11-06 09:11:14 · 10 answers · asked by Queen Latifah 4

if....
a red house has got red stairs...
a blue house has got blue stairs...
a yellow house has got yellwo stairs...
a black house has got black stairs...
a orange house has got orange stairs...
wot couler stairs has a green house got
?????

leave ur answers plss =]

2007-11-06 09:08:14 · 17 answers · asked by jessie 1