Jokes & Riddles - November 2007

2007-11-07 08:41:00 · 3 answers · asked by berlytea 4

This was an away message. i feel dumb right now i dont get it



If you're in the car and your computer crashes, how many elephants can you fit in you bed? NONE! Osama Bin Laden doesnt wear a diaper.

2007-11-07 08:37:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy,"
But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"
The third piggy says -
"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

2007-11-07 08:35:40 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight..

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

2007-11-07 08:33:22 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-07 08:03:43 · 17 answers · asked by derekrodgers233 3

How can I guide him to the panty drawer without actually saying 'pantys' or 'drawer'???
Please get creative and help me!??

2007-11-07 07:58:29 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Did you witness the death of **** Robin?

p.s. Yahoo put the stars in front of Robin!!!!

2007-11-07 07:54:05 · 9 answers · asked by jack 5

standing on a cliff edge
One with a budgie in his hand , the other wearing an overcoat and and a parrot on his shoulder.

They shake hands and the first guy jumps off the cliff and smashes onto the rocks below.

The second guy looks over, takes a gulp and also jumps - the parrot flies off and he pulls a shotgun from under his coat and blasts the parrot to smithereens before landing next to his mate.

The first guy says " I don't reckon much to this budgie jumping"

The other turns round and yells back " And this free fall parrot shooting isn't what its cracked up to be either"

2007-11-07 07:51:02 · 16 answers · asked by one shot 7

What's white and black and red all over?

It's not a newspaper.

2007-11-07 07:51:00 · 11 answers · asked by Tiffany 3

Little Johnny comes home from school and tells his mum he had sex with the teacher.
Mum shouted at him and told him to stay in his room till his father gets home.
Dad comes home and mum tells him whats happened. He goes up to his sons room and has the story from Little Johnny.
Dad is proud of Johnny and asks, ''How old are you now, 12/13? I think its time we bought you that nice shiney red back you wanted.''
They go and buy the bike, and dad asks ''Would you like to ride it home now?''
Little Johnny replied, ''No thanks my *** is still sore.''

2007-11-07 07:42:25 · 7 answers · asked by monkeynuts 4

E REG LEN HIT ME

2007-11-07 07:37:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

and the daughter says "from me f@nny to me ankles! "

2007-11-07 07:36:29 · 13 answers · asked by shergal farkey 4

2007-11-07 07:14:36 · 5 answers · asked by Belynda S 1

one peaceful day in the woods of colorado a river trout is enjoying his day in the streams. The fish spots a hovering fly just 6inches out of reach for the fish to catch. At the same time a bear sees the fish and waits on the river bank for the trout to jump out of the water Behind the bear a hunter waits for the bear to grab the fish so he can get a clear shot. Behind the hunter waits a mouse eyeing the large peice of cheese that's about to fall out of the hunter's pocket. Behind that mouse a cat waits for the mouse to emerge for the cheese.

suddenly the fly drops 6 inches.
the fish grabs the fly
the bear jumps up and grabs the fish
the hunter shoots the bear, losing the peice of cheese in his pocket in the process
the mouse runs for the peice of cheese,
the cat sees the mouse and leaps for it, but misses and falls into the river.

what's the morale of this story?






























If a fly goes down 6 in. a p*ssy will get wet!!!

2007-11-07 07:14:26 · 8 answers · asked by Nate 6

Have you seen it?

2007-11-07 06:52:15 · 10 answers · asked by Sugar 7

Three brothers purchased a hotel room for the night. It was listed at $30, so each brother paid $10.

The manager then told the concierge that their room was discounted to $25, and that the brothers should receive a refund of $5.

The concierge realized that he could not return $5 evenly to three people, so he kept $2 and returned $1 to each brother.

After the refund, each brother has paid $9 and the concierge kept $2, which adds up to only $29 (3 x 9 = 27+2 = 29).

What happened to the other dollar?!

2007-11-07 06:49:35 · 7 answers · asked by JWrightus 2

One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
"If we don't get some support soon, people will think we'r e nuts."

2007-11-07 06:29:14 · 6 answers · asked by J&C's Moma! 2

Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first turtle turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."

"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."

"I promise I won't," says the turtle. "Just hurry!"
Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second turtle. Exasperated and starving, the first turtle digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not f**king going!"

2007-11-07 06:27:53 · 13 answers · asked by victor 3

Get it right and you win 10 pts

2007-11-07 06:25:26 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-07 06:21:18 · 5 answers · asked by Thori D 1

2007-11-07 06:21:17 · 21 answers · asked by b ranch 1

i have had a great time on here tonight its been really good now i want to do something for you
thumbs up everyone on this page.

2007-11-07 06:10:31 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

First to give correct answer wins 10 points

2007-11-07 05:41:47 · 8 answers · asked by chris 3

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?

2007-11-07 05:26:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-11-07 05:06:39 · 15 answers · asked by Phil McCracken 5

A man is looking for a job on a boat so he goes down to the docks. One captain says that he needs a man and happily shows him around the boat. "Here are the quarters where you'll be sleeping. Here's the kitchen. Here's the deck..." and so on throughout the entire ship until they get to a barrel with a hole in it. The man asks the captian, "What's that for?" The captain replies, "Well, any time of any day of the week except wednesday you can stick your dick in that hole and get a free b lowjob." The man exclaims, "THAT'S FANTASTIC! But why not wednesday?" And the captian says, "Well, wednesday's your day in the barrel."



Stars please.

2007-11-07 04:46:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.''

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

''Your third wish?'' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ''Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?'' she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ''Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.''

hope you liked it,, please star if you did, thank you...

2007-11-07 04:38:12 · 22 answers · asked by Marmite 3

While exploring the wilds of Canada, Wild Man Dave was captured by hostile wood fairies. Brad, the powerful chief of the fairies told him he could make one final statement which would determine how he would die. If the statement he made was false, he would be boiled in water. If the statement were true, he would be fried in oil. Wild Man Dave found neither of this options too his liking, so he made a statement that got him out of this seemingly impossible situation. What is the one statement he could have made?

2007-11-07 04:35:38 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

english man, irish man and scottish man all stuck in a car in the desert...
they decide that theyv got to try and get out of the desert and that sitting in the car wont do them any good... so they decide that they are going to take some supplies they had in the boot...
the english man grabs a bottle of water, scottish man grabs a packet of biscuits and the irish man yanks the car door off...
just before setting off the irish man says to the english man 'why have u taken water?' he replies 'well if i get thirsty ive got a drink..'
the irish man then asks the scottish man 'why have you taken biscuits?', he replies 'well if i get hungry ive got something to eat...'
both the scottish and english men say to the irish man 'Why on earth are you taking the car door????'
the rish man replies 'durrr, well if i get hot i can wind the window down cant i!'

2007-11-07 03:16:04 · 17 answers · asked by *Xx Ashleigh xX* 3

2007-11-07 03:09:22 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous