Jokes & Riddles - August 2007

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her
mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She
suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette
hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively
asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her
mother replied, "Well, every time that you do
something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my
hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this
revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come
ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" Moooom," you were really bad mom and you really made her cry!"

2007-08-13 09:56:41 · 19 answers · asked by "!" 5

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

2007-08-13 09:23:51 · 21 answers · asked by RAW DIVA™ 5

He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who's sitting next to him is totally amazed when the jumper, unscathed, comes back into the bar and retakes his seat.
Astonished, he asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the ground!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Good huh? I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the jumper falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. He dies as his brains splatter on the pavement. The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an a$shole when you're drunk, Superman."

2007-08-13 09:19:51 · 18 answers · asked by HUNNYMONSTA 3

U are given 12 balls and a scale . U must find the odd ball i.e. one ball is either lighter or heavier than the other 11 . U don't get weights .U place balls on both sides of scale and observe whether the one side goes up or down U get 3 chances to weigh and then u must tell which ball it is and wether it is lighter or heavier than the other11 . U will soon see that it is not possible BUT IT IS.

2007-08-13 08:49:36 · 16 answers · asked by Frits R 2

At my school we have a sunk in quad that looks like this:

-----___________------

me ands some friends were thinking of filling it with water, but i think that we would get in major trouble because that's pretty damaging. instead, we want to fill it with biodegradable foam packing peanuts, and post a sign that says "Beware of Python".

please don't tell me that i am immature for doing this, it's all in good humour, and we willl gladly take responsibility and clean up afterwards.

we also wanted to plant a tree in the center of our school and dye all of the grass in front of our auditorium red with kool-aid(it's our class color).

will the kool-aid thing work?

any other ideas would be great as well.

2007-08-13 08:45:59 · 17 answers · asked by jesse s 2

2007-08-13 07:48:35 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two blondes are having lunch catching up with each other's news.

"I heard you've given up smoking, is it true?"

"Yes, I haven't had a cigarette in almost two months."

"But you were such a heavy smoker, you must tell me your secret.
I've tried everything to quit."

"Well it's really quite simple. Every time I get the urge to
smoke a cigarette, I suck on a LifeSaver instead"

"Well that's easy for you, but I don't live near the beach"

2007-08-13 07:40:28 · 8 answers · asked by sniffels323 5

Two grandmothers, with their two granddaughters,

Two husbands, with their two wives,

Two fathers, with their two daughters,

Two mothers, with their two sons,

Two maidens, with their two mothers,

Two sisters, with their two brothers,

Yet only six in all lie buried here,

All born legitimate, from incest clear.



Explain how this may be.

No cheating

2007-08-13 07:31:27 · 28 answers · asked by Dude Scimmy 3

Medical Miracles
A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, "We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking for work."
An Englishman said, "We are far more advanced than you. We can take the heart out of a man, perform surgery and have him ready for work in just 3 weeks."
The Irishman says, "That's nothing; we can take a kidney out of a man, put into another man's body and have them looking for work in 2 weeks."
The American says, "Well hell, that's nothin'. We had an idiot taken out of Texas, put in the Whitehouse and now half the country is lookin' for work!"
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2007-08-13 07:16:59 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

tell me some funny jokes people, you can use bad language and all.

2007-08-13 05:58:29 · 3 answers · asked by lujayn1wm 1

The gas man knocks at the door, nemesis answers wearing scarlet coloured knee length, high heeled boots, stockings and suspenders tokin on a spliff and the gas man asks "Is your mother in?" to which nemesis replies "Does it fookin look like it".

2007-08-13 05:26:37 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little boy asked his dad 'Where do I come from?"
Dad thought it was time to tell his son about such matters and went through the whole thing in detail.
"Thanks Dad, only the new boy next door comes from Wigan."

2007-08-13 05:19:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

a person called john who is a handsome one but not clever...
he is on love with vidya...she too handsome and sameas him not a clever...let u be his frnd..
one day u two are walkin in a street..on the way u 2 met another person(u dono abt him, but john knows tht he s the father of vidya...)john suddenly told him abt his love wit her daughter...
now, her father accepts but on one condition... dat he should solve a prob to win his daughters hands...
the prob goes this way.........
two opaque bottles each with hundred balls r kept in front of him... one bottle contains red balls n de other contains green... now U hav to arrange the balls in the bottle in any order so that he should get a green ball...

2007-08-13 05:06:53 · 20 answers · asked by ice_land_1988 1

2007-08-13 04:32:51 · 53 answers · asked by ♥The ≈ μŊđīş¢¤vέřệÞ ≈ Me♥ 2

2007-08-13 04:29:33 · 18 answers · asked by ♥The ≈ μŊđīş¢¤vέřệÞ ≈ Me♥ 2

3 men share a hotel room, the receptionists says it cost £30
so the three men split this and pay £10 each
the receptionist then realises that the room was actually only £25
so she gives each of the 3 men £1 back each meaning she kept the remaining £2 (3+2 makes up the extra £5)
as the men have been given £1 back it means they have only paid £9 each and the receptionist kept £2

but if this is true the three men paid £9 so thats £27 and the receptionist kept £2 this only makes £29.......so where`s the other pound gone??????

2007-08-13 04:21:27 · 15 answers · asked by G4V1N 2

there was this football coach who needed players badly. one day, while in his office, a big guy entered, blocking the doorway.
"uhh coach, i want to join the team"
the coach was delighted, then asked him to sit down.
"so, how tall are you?'
the guy stood up, then measured his height using his hands. after a while, he answered "i'm six feet, four inches tall'
"uhmm, ok then. how old are you?"
the guy then counted on his fingers several times, and said'i'm 18 years old"
the coach gave him a strange look then finally asked "sorry, i haven't asked. what's your name?"
the guy mouthed a few words while nodding his head a couple of times.
"charlie!" the guy said.
the coach looked at him oddly.
"uhmm charlie, i understand your measuring your height with your hands and counting your fingers when i asked your age, but why did it take a while when i asked your name??"
"oh that's easy coach: happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear charlie..."

2007-08-13 04:14:57 · 25 answers · asked by kaybielle 3

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

2007-08-13 03:41:40 · 4 answers · asked by Soft Heart 6

but l know we will meet again- some sunny day. Lv Jo xx

2007-08-13 03:09:15 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I keep bouncing back to you- rubber ball l keep bouncing back to you -bouncy bouncy- bouncy bouncy- bouncy bouncy ball.
ha- love Jo xx

2007-08-13 03:07:13 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

What tune would l suit?- keep it clean guys-Ha Ha. lv jo xx

2007-08-13 03:03:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God almighty!" Shouted Mary and the teacher said, "very good" and Mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "who is our lord and savior," but, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" Shouted Mary and the teacher said, "very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "if you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The teacher fainted.

STAR if funny

2007-08-13 02:49:16 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Some one who stays up all night wondering whether there is or not, a dog.

2007-08-13 01:43:31 · 9 answers · asked by Roger 6

2007-08-12 23:50:52 · 13 answers · asked by Buddy Hodor 7

2007-08-12 23:36:11 · 13 answers · asked by varsha p 1

Brain Bat is the representation of any phrase or quote ina different way to mean something

2007-08-12 20:06:25 · 5 answers · asked by abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz 2

2007-08-12 17:42:26 · 11 answers · asked by gub gub 2

...to say something to get me to laugh will get 10 points!

2007-08-12 17:23:13 · 11 answers · asked by Nathan "Batman" Scott 2

how do fish survive in the sea

2007-08-12 15:45:33 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a pit bull?

2007-08-12 15:35:16 · 9 answers · asked by Kevin H 7