Jokes & Riddles - August 2007

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. A magical genie finds them, and tells them he will grant each of them one wish. The brunette wishes she was back home. ZAP! Her wish is granted. The redhead wishes she was back home. ZAP! Her wish is granted. The blonde sits on the sand and thinks for a while and says "I'm lonely, I wish the other two girls would come back" and ZAP! =P

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are before a magical talking mirror that can tell when your lying. The brunette says "I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world" and the mirror shouts "LIAR!". The redhead says "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world" and the mirror shouts "LIAR". The blonde comes up and says "I think-" and the mirror shouts "LIAR".

2007-08-18 23:02:40 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO_QRSTUVWXYZ. The teacher said "where's the P", and the boy said "its running down my leg!"

2007-08-18 23:00:00 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk.

2007-08-18 22:47:14 · 8 answers · asked by curious 1

We always hear "The Rules" From the female side.



Now here are the rules from the male side:

These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it

down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about
you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let
it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And, no, we are never going to think of it
that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's
what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us
to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it
done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We
have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1 If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss
such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

2007-08-18 22:23:35 · 9 answers · asked by blackfirescorpio05 3

okay i love riddles and logic, it was so fun to solve this one, give it a try:

a farmer has a fox, a goose, and a bag of corn. he has to cross a river, and get all three things to the other side. there is a single boat that will help him cross the river. but the farmer can only bring one thing over at a time; and if he leaves the fox with the goose, the goose will be eaten. if he leaves the goose with the corn, the goose will eat the corn. how can the farmer get all three things to the other side of the river bank?

good luck, but logic is better.

2007-08-18 20:10:20 · 7 answers · asked by JulyBeetle 4

She doesn't know the word so gets out her Spanish dictionary. Then she asks 'I want to hire a gigolo'. What happens next? (keep it clean plz)

2007-08-18 20:08:44 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-08-18 20:06:15 · 19 answers · asked by EZZO 1

I want to make friends.Thats all i want to say.

2007-08-18 20:01:19 · 7 answers · asked by Gaurav A 2

You are in a building with 4 walls, 1 window on each wall, each window is facing south

a bear walks by...what color is the bear

2007-08-18 19:47:51 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Find the error. It's impossible!

AAA
BBB
CCC
DDD
EEE
FFF
GGG
HHH
III
JJJ
KKK
LLL
MMM
NNN
OOO
PPP
QQQ
RRR
SSS
TTT
UUU
VVV
WWW
XXX
YYY
ZZZ

Did you know that 80% of UCSD students could not find the error above? Repost this with the title "what's wrong here", and when you click "post bulletin", the answer will be really obvious

2007-08-18 19:30:52 · 11 answers · asked by chicagodarkside 1

anyone have any good ones to share?

2007-08-18 19:25:13 · 18 answers · asked by Emily D 3

How you ask a man to do something makes all the difference. Women think that a subtle nuance or slight turn of phrase will have no effect whatsoever on the resolve of their mucho-macho muscular moron. It does! Which is why you should always use "would you" and "will you" instead of "could you" and "can you".

For example:

Do say: would you please take out the garbage?
Do not say: could you get off your big butt and do something around here? What am I, the maid?

Do say: would you like to go out to a nice dinner Saturday night?
Do not say: could you please take me to any restaurant that doesn't have the words "burger", "king" or "happy meal" in their advertising??

Do say: would you mind watching the kids while I take a night off with my girlfriends?
Do not say: could you, just for one night, watch the kids you helped spawn-that I never get a break from-ever! I haven't seen my friends in so long we wear name tags to identify ourselves.

2007-08-18 19:06:47 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

During the weeks before Amy's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine.

"All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN... then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong."

The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear.

When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn." Or, as it sounded to him, "I'll alter him!"

2007-08-18 18:53:53 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

when he come for you

2007-08-18 17:57:08 · 29 answers · asked by @NGEL B@BY 7

2007-08-18 17:38:38 · 28 answers · asked by Omega F 2

2007-08-18 17:16:01 · 14 answers · asked by Mike 2

you cant use the letters "a" or "e"

2007-08-18 17:13:58 · 17 answers · asked by zim 2

tell me on which place is the letter N in the following Ms
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

2007-08-18 16:47:57 · 8 answers · asked by God is One 2

The following is an excerpt from the Wall Street Journal by Jim Carlton.

This was forwarded by P. Wyatt .

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key," "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining
that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes.
After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem,
it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into
the typewriter to type the labels.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed
copies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised h

2007-08-18 16:40:48 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

feeling stresseed lately emotionally drained help lighten the load with a laugh.

2007-08-18 16:28:47 · 18 answers · asked by Sh00ting_St@r! 4

Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Florida and New York.
Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.
"What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.
“We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!"
A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Florida.
"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"
Inspired, the gal from Florida opened the car door and pushed the New Yorker out.

2007-08-18 15:46:54 · 18 answers · asked by pd6491 2

Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher. "Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means." "I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."

2007-08-18 15:20:58 · 23 answers · asked by pd6491 2

Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing his wedding ring. She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?" He replied, "It cuts off my circulation." She answered back, "It's supposed to!"

2007-08-18 15:12:04 · 16 answers · asked by pd6491 2

A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and talk-
ing without getting too serious.


But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.

2007-08-18 14:58:23 · 24 answers · asked by pd6491 2

A teacher in a small town in Vermont was asking her class who they wanted for president. When she asked for John Kerry (or whatever his last name was) everyone raised their hand. Except for onr boy: Little Jonny. The teacher is kinda mad sonce they are in Vermont so she asks him why he chooses to be different. "I'm a a George Bush fan."He says. She asks him "Why?" "Well my mom is a George Bush fan; and so is Daddy, So that makes me a george bush fan!" So she says,"Ok, Jonny, suppose Mommy was an idiot and Daddy was a moron, then what would YOU be??!" "Well, I'd be a George Bush Fan!"

2007-08-18 14:56:17 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

just figure out these initials listed below...i'll give hints
o.b. my alltime fave actor (in his 20's)
j.d. a great pirate
b.p. he plays lots of diffrent rolls like a vampire,a ghost, a cowboy a fighter and a hitman!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-18 14:44:41 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are four brothers in this world that were all born together. The first runs and never wearies. The second eats and is never full. The third drinks and is always thirsty. The fourth sings a song that is never good

2007-08-18 14:37:10 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Here is a riddle while I am gone, There once was a man and his son. They were out driving one night and they got into a car accident. The dad died, but the boy was RUSHED to the hospital and the surgen said,"I can't opperate on this child he is my son." HOW CAN THIS BE???????




i forgot the answer....

2007-08-18 14:29:31 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

God created woman. When God created woman he gave her three breasts. God decided that the middle breast did not serve any purpose and was in the way, so he got rid of it.

Woman ask God, "What are you going to do with this useless Boob?

So, God created Man.

2007-08-18 14:25:18 · 15 answers · asked by Birdlegs 5

answer this riddle

2007-08-18 14:21:32 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous