blonde jokes?

Question

anyone have any good ones to share?

Answer 1

BAD BOOK

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."


BLONDE DETECTIVES

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.

"Easy, " she replied. "He only has one eye."

The chief was stunned. "He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!" He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.

"He only has one ear, " was her answer.

"What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!" He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, "How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer."

After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, "He's wearing contact lenses."

This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, "How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!"

"Well, " she said, "he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?"

YOU'VE GOT MAIL

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

Answer 2

Two blondes are travelling to Disney World, they have been travelling for three days. They finally come to a sign that reads "Disney World - Left" So they went home.

A blondes house is on fire and she calls the Fire Station. They say "How do we get there?" the blonde replies "Hello! In the red truck!"

Answer 3

What's a brunette between two blonds? An interpretor

What are ten blonds standing side by side? A wind tunnel

What do you need three blonds to change the light bulb? So two can turn it while the other one asks the brunette what they are doing wrong.

Answer 4

Here Are Two Of My Favorites!!

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear.
Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?"
"The sucker called again!"

One day, a blonde went to a ventriloquist show. During the show, the ventriloquist used his "dummy" to make fun of blondes. The crowd roared with laughter, but the blonde was angry.
Outraged, she stood up and said, "How dare you make fun of blondes!"
The ventriloquist replied saying, "Madam, I'm very sorry. But it's just part of the act."
The blonde screamed, "You shutup! I'm talking to the little man on your knee!"

Answer 5

K, I've got the best blonde joke!

A blonde walks into the ER with her finger shot off. The doctor's asks "How did this happen" The blonde replies with "Well I wanted to commit suicide. So, I deicided to shoot myself in the chest, then I remembered I payed $7,000 for a boob job. Then I deicded to put the gun in my mouth a shoot, then I remember I spent $20,000 on my teeth, so I decided I would put the gun in my ear and shoot, but I thought it might be really loud so I plugged my other ear with my finger and shot!"

=) That one always makes me laugh!

Answer 6

three blondes and a brunette are hanging over a cliff supported by only a tree root. they decide that the root is not strong enough to hold them all, so one of them has to get off. the brunette, after giving a heart-breaking speech, decides to risk her life to save the life of others. the blondes clap their hands, thanking the brunette.


they never got to finish

Answer 7

thereb was a brunet a blondie they were sitting out side and and the brunet said what do you think is closer the moon or florida the blondie said duh the moon can you see florida!!!! LOL and a nother one.There was a brunet a red head and a blondie and they were stranded on a island and there was a gini and the gini was going to give them three wishes the brunet wished that she was back with her family in hong kong and she was there the red head wished that she was back with her boy friend in georgia and she was there and the blonde said i wish my friends were back here!! LOL hope you like them

Answer 8

Why did the blonde get fired from the M and M factory? She threw out all the W's.

Answer 9

What do they call a blonde who dyes her hair burnette?

Artificial intelligence

Answer 10

Blondes have more fun, but brunettes tell them how to do it.