Jokes & Riddles - July 2007

2007-07-08 13:24:59 · 7 answers · asked by no jap crap 3

why does it take 100 million sperm 2 fertalize 1 egg


they wont ask for directions:)

star if u like

2007-07-08 13:23:15 · 11 answers · asked by jellybean 3

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I stilll love her." He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.

The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.

Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.

He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".

2007-07-08 13:17:54 · 11 answers · asked by jellybean 3

i was afraid of the dark

2007-07-08 13:16:51 · 9 answers · asked by rawr 3

the midwife hands him a black baby.
"is this yours?" she asks
"probably" he replied "she f***ing burns everything!!!!!!!!!!!!"

2007-07-08 12:22:00 · 15 answers · asked by pinkypants! 1

I want to be a stand up comic....any tips?

2007-07-08 11:40:54 · 18 answers · asked by justajewelll 2

Today's Question: What does ADA stand for?

First correct answer gets 10 points.

For more contests, go to http://www.calero7.tk, sign in, and go to Mario's Page.

2007-07-08 10:39:58 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

and ladies weren't invented ,knights screwed holes in telegraph poles and they had to be contented..'

2007-07-08 10:11:41 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young widow goes to doctors for an internal... Dr says..
''Your still a virgin but you've been married & widowed 3 times, hows that..???

Woman says: ''1st hubby was an astronomer, all he wanted to do was stare at it... 2nd was a psychologist, all he wanted to do was talk to it'', ... 3rd was a stamp collector.....

God I miss him!!!

2007-07-08 07:48:07 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

64, and 9 is the square root of 81, what is the square root of 69...?

8 something..?

2007-07-08 07:41:47 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell me what you think.....
I will choose the best answer

My thought is either that the chicken was a blonde

or the George Bush was standing next to him.....

2007-07-08 07:25:17 · 24 answers · asked by Tanner 2

so there was this unlucky man sitting on a bench beside none other than little johnny. he saw johnny for hours and finally couldnt resist and spoke unto him, "hey there boy, you know youve been eating ice creams all the time and you know how this will lessen your age."
johnny replied,"my great grandfather lived to be 107."
the man asked,"did he eat 7 ice creams a day."
johnny: "nope. but yeah he minded his own fuc*in business."

Little Johnny walks into a pharmacy and brings a box of tampons to the register.

The cashier looks at the boy and says, "Hi. Are these for your mom?"

Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says, "Umm, no."

The cashier says, "Oh. Then they're for your sister?"
Little Johnny says, "uh-unh."

The cashier, now a bit curious, says, "Oh. Then they must be for your granny!"
Little Johnny says, "Nope."

The cashier is now really confused. Finally she asks, "Well, what are you going to do with them?"

2007-07-08 05:26:07 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

. . . who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off."

2007-07-08 04:27:45 · 9 answers · asked by GayAtheist 4

A pimple waits until you're 13 before coming on your face.

2007-07-08 04:23:17 · 10 answers · asked by GayAtheist 4

2007-07-08 04:19:09 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

. . . all the old dears would pokeme and say "You're next!". They soon stopped that sh*t when I began doing the same to them at funerals!

2007-07-08 04:10:21 · 13 answers · asked by GayAtheist 4

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.

"Wow...that looks deep." "Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise "Geeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.
They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.

2007-07-08 03:49:03 · 18 answers · asked by enchantress 3

I have been trying to get my orange "top". I was there once there ant they took it away from me and not I want it back. I have a hard time coming up with fast funny or intelligen answer. But then I think "Why not?" Nust gof the past.

2007-07-08 03:34:43 · 12 answers · asked by icunurse85 7

Has 7 letters,
Is greater than god,
Is worse than the devil,
A rich Man needs it,
A poor man has it,
If you eat it you will die,

Figure that out then :)

2007-07-08 03:21:19 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

After I had purchased the movie tickets for my self and my boyfriend, He went in side to find seats,
While I got candy & popcorn.
By the time,I was served,the previews had started,I stumbled my way in the dark sat down and gave my boyfriend, one big long kiss,

Then I heard a familiar voice say "honey I'm back here."

2007-07-08 01:57:22 · 15 answers · asked by "!" 5

a shepherd from montana's soft hills
was always looking for thrills
til a sheep he molested
loudly protested
and sent him the vetinary bills

said a president thought to give pecks
to areas other than necks
although its most sultry
it isn't adult'ry
im not even sure its sex

from the depths of the crypt at st giles
came a scream that resounded for miles
said the vicar, good gracious
has father ignatius
forgotten the bishop has piles

there was a young man from mauritius
who said that his last f*ck was delicious
but the next time l c*m
it'll be up your bum
cos that scab on your c*nt looks suspicious

l chase all the girls when lm spunky
a five-days-a-week sexual junkie
l tend not to stray
on tues or wednesday
on those nights l spank my own monkey

2007-07-08 01:29:19 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

a well endowed guy called apollo
remarked as he larked in the hollow
darling, my dong
is twelve inches long
said his girl, thats a hard one to swallow

there was once a man from bandoo
who fell asleep in a canoe
he dreamed of venus
and played with his penis
and woke up with a hand full of goo

there ocne was a man from belize
whose pecker hung down to his knees
the gals all adored it
but him, he abhorred it
because each time it stiffened, he sneezed

there was a young actress from crewe
who remarked as the vicar withdrew
the bishop was quicker and thicker and slicker
and two inches longer than you

there was once a young man named springer
who got his testicles caught in the wringer
he hollered in pain
as they rolled down the drain
there goes my career as a singer

2007-07-08 00:55:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

why did the chicken cross the road ???

2007-07-07 20:36:25 · 28 answers · asked by loli 2

It deserves a dot, too.

2007-07-07 20:07:46 · 10 answers · asked by omnisource 6

*Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
*If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
*When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
*I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
*I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
*If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
*Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
*When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
*Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
*You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
*Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
*Death is hereditary.
*Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
*Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
*Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
*I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

2007-07-07 19:57:39 · 25 answers · asked by EYES ON U 4

a man gives one son 10 cents and 15 cents to another

so what time is it?

2007-07-07 19:53:52 · 6 answers · asked by JohnnyAppleseed 2

2007-07-07 19:46:26 · 4 answers · asked by Sudhakaran G Menonl 1

three men pay for a $30 hotel. they each pay $10. After they get to the room the manager realizes the room was only supposed to cost $25 so he tells the bell boy to go refund the men $5. The bell boy goes up to the room and said, well you cant split $5 between 3 people so he puts $2 in his pocket and gives each man $1. (heres where it get's tricky) since each man payed $10 and got $1 refunded to them each man payed $9. ($9x3=$27+ $2 the bell boy took=$29) so what happend to the extra dollar?

2007-07-07 19:29:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am slim and tall, Many find me desirable and appealing. They touch me and I give a false good feeling. Once I shine in splendor, But only once and then no more. For many I am "to die for". What am I?

2007-07-07 16:57:07 · 11 answers · asked by dacrazie1 1

Moses, Jesus and some 'ol geezer were going to play a round of golf. Moses teed off, the ball went right into the pond. "No problem!" he said. Moses walked over, parted the water, and hit the ball again. This time it landed about one foot from the hole.

Jesus then teed off and the ball went flying off to the left, hit a tree, then miraculously bounced within about six inches of the hole.

The 'ol geezer stepped up and teed off. As the ball headed right for the pond, a huge bass jumped up and grabbed the ball in its mouth. Suddenly an eagle swooped down, grabbed the bass and flew over the green. The bass dropped the ball and it rolled within two inches of the hole! All of the sudden, a worm popped up and knocked the ball in. A hole in one.

Moses looked at Jesus and said, "You know, I really hate it when your dad plays."

2007-07-07 16:50:03 · 16 answers · asked by pd6491 2