cute lil johnny?

Question

so there was this unlucky man sitting on a bench beside none other than little johnny. he saw johnny for hours and finally couldnt resist and spoke unto him, "hey there boy, you know youve been eating ice creams all the time and you know how this will lessen your age."
johnny replied,"my great grandfather lived to be 107."
the man asked,"did he eat 7 ice creams a day."
johnny: "nope. but yeah he minded his own fuc*in business."

Little Johnny walks into a pharmacy and brings a box of tampons to the register.

The cashier looks at the boy and says, "Hi. Are these for your mom?"

Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says, "Umm, no."

The cashier says, "Oh. Then they're for your sister?"
Little Johnny says, "uh-unh."

The cashier, now a bit curious, says, "Oh. Then they must be for your granny!"
Little Johnny says, "Nope."

The cashier is now really confused. Finally she asks, "Well, what are you going to do with them?"

Little Johnny says, "Well, I'm not sure yet. But on TV, they said if I buy these I can go fishing and swimming and horseback riding!"

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.



Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep; it was fascinating."



The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate,' not fascinating."



Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Well, that was good too Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'



Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny several times in the past. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.



Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater she got for Christmas with tvelve buttons; but her belly is so big, she can only fasten eight."

Little Johnny and Suzy have nothing to do one day while in the house playing. All of a sudden, Johnny gets this great idea. "Let's take turns sliding down the banister rail!" he suggests.
"Oh no," answers Suzy, "That is way too scary."
"No, it is not," says Johnny, "it will be fun!" He proceeds to the top of the stairs. The banister rail is long and very smooth with a beautiful big marble ball at its base. Johnny climbs on and down he goes, squealing with excitement as he goes. He jumps off just before he gets to the marble ball at the bottom. "That was great," he says. "Come on, you try now."
Suzy still is not quite sure that this is such a good idea. "No," she says, "It looks too scary."
"No, it is not," said Johnny, and away he goes again to the top of the stairs. He climbs on and down he goes again, having just as much fun as he did the first time. He jumps off just before the marble ball at the bottom. "You gotta try this, it is the best!" urges Johnny.

Well, little Suzy is not one to stay scared for very long and this really does look like fun, so she agrees. To the top of the stairs she goes. She straddles the banister rail, and slowly lets go with her hands. Down she goes, a lot faster than she expected. WHAM! Right into the marble ball at the bottom.
Little Suzy starts to cry and almost falls off the banister rail. When Johnny sees her so upset, crying ever harder and holding her groin where she collided with the marble ball, he gets a little scared that maybe she has really hurt herself.
"Maybe you had better let me see," suggests Little Johnny. So Suzy lifts her little dress and pulls down her panties. Little Johnny's face goes pale white. "OH, NO!" he shouts. "This is horrible! You knocked it right off!"

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "Beautiful" in the same sentences twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought My mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.

Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just freakin beautiful!'

There's this little boy Johnny and one day he goes up to his mother and asks: "Mom, how old are you?" Mom: "Now, now, Johnny. That's a personal question. YOu don't ask those kinds of personal questions to women." "How much do you weigh?" Mom: "You're too young to understand that you don't ask those kind of questions to women." "Why did Dad leave us?" Mom: "your too young to understand that too, I'll tell you when you're older" So Johnny goes back to school and tells little TOMMY: "TOMMY, my mom doesn't want to tell me how old she is or what she weighs. She doesn't answer any of my questions" And little TOMMY replies: "you should go into her wallet and look at her driver's license. All your questions will be answerd. So Johnny goes back home and look into his mom's purse and looks at her driver's license and goes to his mom: "Mom, you're 39 years old." Mom: "Yeah that's right I am." "And you weigh 142 lbs." Mom: "yupp that's right." "One last thing... I know why dad left us."

Mom: "oh really, why?" "Because you got an F in sex"

Little Johnny and Little Suzie went to Little Johnny's parents and said they were getting married. The parents thought that was cute and they started asking them some questions.

Dad asked,"Where are you going to live?"
Little Johnny said, "In my bedroom, there's plenty of room."

His Mom asked, "Will you have enough money?"
Little Johnny thought and said, "If we combine our allowances, we'll have plenty."

His Dad asked,"What are you going to do if you have kids?"
Little Johnny replied,"Well we've been lucky so far!"

btw, heres cute lil johnny 2

http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070709054208AACgjeV&r=w

Answer 1

the last joke was my favorite

Answer 2

Very Good. Heres another. A teacher was nearing the end of her lesson and said that if the children could answer a question they could leave early. Right she said, what did you do last weekend? Little Susan put up her hand and said, I played in the sandpit with little Johnny Miss, very good said the teacher spell the word sand and you may go home early. S.A.N.D. replied Susan very good said the teacher off you go. Johnny then put up his hand and the teacher asked the same question, I played in the sandpit with Susan said Johnny, very good said the teacher spell the word Pit and you can also leave early, P.I.T said little Johnny. Well done said the teacher you may also go. Then a little black boy at the back of the class put up his hand, O.K Winstone said the teacher what did you do over the weekend. Well said Winstone i wanted to play with Susan and Johnny in the Sandpit but they would no let me because i am Black. Oh my god said the Teacher that Winstone is what we call Racial Discrimination, Now if you can spell Racial Discrimination you can go home early.

Answer 3

very good I feel like I know little Johnny inside out now.

Answer 4

Nice to know Johnny, the smarty.

Answer 5

that was rubbery
gave me a laugh
only thing is wife sneaked up behind me and gave me a ruberry ardon

now i have to give her a rubbery time
she said
so i gave he an eraser

Answer 6

lol its really long but i wanted to carry on reading coz i was so intrigued lol xxxx thnx for the laugh

Answer 7

lol what would this world be without all the little Johnnys in it.

Answer 8

haha lol thats very long but i kept readin coz it was funny!!! : D well worth a star xxx

Answer 9

they maby long but they are funny keep up the good work cheered up my friday 13th

Answer 10

LOL Where did u meet this lil Johnny? :-)