Jokes & Riddles - July 2007

a guy goes to the grocery store and and comes back with a really big and heavy bag. then when he's in the house he locks himself in the room and hangs himself on the ceiling . the police break in and find absolutely nothing in the room. how did he hang himself with nothing in to stand on.

heres a hint: it has something to do with his groceries.

2007-07-15 20:11:59 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

A standard sized cigarette can be rolled out of 6 standard cigarette butts.how many cigarettes can be made and somked from 36 butts??

2007-07-15 19:11:41 · 8 answers · asked by Soft Heart 6

What's greater than God...
More evil than the Devil...
Poor people have it....
Rich people want it...
And if you eat it you will die.

Answer fast if you want the 10 points.

2007-07-15 17:41:05 · 34 answers · asked by ishootvideo2002 4

True story.
London scientists are trying to get cows to burp less... thus reducing global warming.

2007-07-15 17:34:27 · 22 answers · asked by The Uncanny Comic 5

Eight years ago, Mary was half as old as Jane will be when Jane is one year older than Tim will be at the time when Mary will be five times as old as Tim will be two years from now.

Ten years from now Tim will be twice as old as Jane was when Mary was nine times as old as Tim.

When Tim was one year old, Mary was three years older than Tim will be when Jane is three times as old as Mary was six years before the time when Jane was half as old as Tim will be when Mary will be ten years older than Mary was when Jane was one-third as old as Tim will be when Mary will be three times as old as she was when Jane was born.

How Old Are They Now?

2007-07-15 17:27:08 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two men, one American and a Chinese were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Chinese man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I h aven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love marriages...I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems…………….Gimme a break !!"

2007-07-15 17:11:19 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Well the late movie is coming on and I must say good night. It has been a pleasure and I hope all of you have a very peaceful evening.Until tomorrow.......

2007-07-15 17:09:06 · 4 answers · asked by ღOMGღ 7

Lumberjack Condoms
For the woody that won't be cut down.

Sprout Condoms
Add a little moisture, and watch it grow!

Helium Condoms
For those flaccid moments when you just want a lift...

KFC Condoms
When you just need to :wing" it.

ASPCA Condoms
For that lil' pup in you!

Howdy Doody Condoms
When you know "what time it is!"

Lassie Condoms
When you know she's a *****, but you're gonna do her anyway.

George W. Bush Condoms
When "Junior" wants to take over!

Yawn Condoms
When you're bored stiff.

Memory Condoms
When it's on the tip of your tongue.

Electrical Condoms
Cures the shorts in your pants!

2007-07-15 17:08:44 · 9 answers · asked by sniffels323 5

2007-07-15 17:07:15 · 27 answers · asked by joelinn1974 3

Name the father dinosaur in the show Dinosaurs?

What was the drug talked about in Saved by the Bell when Jessie sang "I'm so Excited, I'm so excited, I'm so scared"?

What was the drug talked about in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air episode when will was given a pill and gave it to Carlton who eventually took it and got them both in big trouble?

2007-07-15 17:03:27 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can u people tell me some of the "stupid tests" Like the one where u say,,,,,,,, Do u want to play the stupid game? andthen u ask them a series of wired questions like what color is the sky?? Andthen u ask them 'what was the first question i asked u' Please help me i love thos jokes!!

2007-07-15 17:00:45 · 16 answers · asked by Heather N 2

(if this 1 gets deleted o well)





A wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another
woman.


With super-human strength borne of fury, she dragged him down the
stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed in the back yard and
put his "manhood" in a vice. She secured it tightly and removed the handle.


Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband was terrified, and
screamed, Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off, are you?"


The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her
husband's hand and said, "Nope. I'm going to set the shed on fire. You
do whatever you have to".

2007-07-15 16:49:55 · 13 answers · asked by meemeemee40 5

What does a man do standing up, that a woman does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs!!!

2007-07-15 16:45:28 · 20 answers · asked by genniangel0 3

Three men buy a hotel room for 30 dollars. They split the room evenly, each paying 10 dollars. The man at the desk soon realizes he has over charged these men for the room; the room is only 25 dollars. He sends the bell man up with five dollars. The bell man, unsure of how to split the money evenly, gives each person a dollar and keeps two for him self. Now, each person in the room has paid 9 dollars for the room because they were each given a dollar. However 9x3 is only 27, plus the two dollars the bell man has makes 29. But wait...? Wasn't the room 30 dollars....? WHERE DID THE OTHER DOLLAR GO?

2007-07-15 16:43:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

rock paper scissors competition in Vegas

2007-07-15 16:37:17 · 16 answers · asked by The Uncanny Comic 5

Because the first one didn't make it.

2007-07-15 15:58:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-07-15 15:10:22 · 17 answers · asked by ahahahaaachoooo 1

2007-07-15 15:00:38 · 9 answers · asked by dutara 3

Three men checked into a hotel room for which they paid $30. The next day, the manager realized that the men had been overcharged. She gave the bellhop $5 to return to the three men. On the way to their room the bellhop decided to keep $2 for himself, and give each of the three men one dollar. The three men had now paid $9 each, or a total of $27. This plus the $2 the bellhop kept makes a total of $29. What happened to the other dollar?



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2007-07-15 14:51:41 · 15 answers · asked by casas a 1

2007-07-15 14:41:10 · 6 answers · asked by billy k 2

Two leprochauns have a bet.To settle their bet they take it to a convent.Mother superior answers the door,and says;"Oh my goodness! Its a leprochaun!"
The first leprochaun replies "Take it easy sister i only wanna ask you a question! Are there any nuns in your convent my size?"
"No little man there are no nuns in my convent your size"
"Alright then are there any nuns in all of Ireland my size?"
"No little men there are no nuns in all of Ireland your size?"
"Alright then just one more question Is there any nuns in the world my size?"
"No little man i am quite sure there are no nuns in the world that are your size!"
"Okay then" The second leprochaun starts laughing his @ss off, but through the laughter he manages to say " I fooking told ya you sh@gged a penguin!"

2007-07-15 13:53:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Who is buried in Grant's tomb?
2. What color is George Washington's white horse?

NEXT PART OF THE TEST: STUPID QUESTIONS!

1. When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

2. Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways?

3. If we get a frog in our throat, what does a frog get in its throat?

4. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

5. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

6. Why is the word abbreviation so long?

7. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

9. Why do they report power outages on TV?

10. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?


WHOEVER GET THE RIGHT ANSWERS WILL GET BEST ANSWER AND 50 THUMBS UP! GOOD LUCK TO ALL!

BONUS QUESTION: How do you make those symbols. Like the heart and the music note etc.?

2007-07-15 13:33:36 · 14 answers · asked by Populargrl584 3

A little yellow man that runs

2007-07-15 13:23:56 · 15 answers · asked by frith25 4

nocking and standing at your door ,what will you do ,supposing it talked to you ?

2007-07-15 13:15:17 · 7 answers · asked by wondersrevealed 1

win 10 points for ur joke!

2007-07-15 13:12:21 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Aunt Jemima!

2007-07-15 13:07:24 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

When they get back to the stables,one policeman says,"I thought we rode stallions"?
The other policeman says,"We do,why do you ask"?
First policeman says,"When we were out on patrol earlier,I heard someone say,look at the c***s on those horses."!!

2007-07-15 13:00:37 · 12 answers · asked by Crackerjack 3

1. What do you call a group of blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.

2. What do you call several blondes standing side by side in a row?
A wind tunnel.

3. Why don't blondes like to read?
The whole left to right, top to bottom thing gets a little confusing.

2007-07-15 12:50:00 · 10 answers · asked by fox_71498 3

2007-07-15 12:46:32 · 29 answers · asked by run3scape1997 2

Two cannibals talking. One says to the other, "Do you know, I've just ate my mother-in-law, and she's STILL disagreeing with me!"

2007-07-15 12:42:10 · 13 answers · asked by brainyandy 6