tell me your best joke make mee laugh and make smoeone else laugh!?

Question

win 10 points for ur joke!

Answer 1

A family came in to the doctors office to buy a new brain for there child there was a sign by the desk that said male brain 100,000 dollars female brain 20 dollars. Confused father asked why is the male brain some much more. Doctor told him that the female brains were used up so much more than the male brains.

Answer 2

ABC
Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
"ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."

"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
"It's running down my leg."

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.
"Anywhere I go, she goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take good care of her." So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
''Great!'' replied Bozo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he asks.
''One thousand dollars for the food.''
''But I haven't touched the food."
''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV."
''But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!''
''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed."
''But I slept on the floor!''
''It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars."
''You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.''
''But sir, I didn't screw your donkey.''
''It was there. You should have!''

The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were alone
Just she and I
Her hair was brown
Her eyes were too
I knew just what
She wanted to do
So with my courage
I did my best
And placed my hand
Upon her breast
I trembled and shook
And felt her heart
Slowly she spread
Her legs apart
I knew she was ready
But I didn't know how
It was my first try
At milking a cow

Yo' mama so poor, she hangs the toilet paper out to dry!

Damned If I Know

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

Answer 3

An old man...........

An old man went to town and on his way home he sat to rest. An old friend walking by recognized the old man and stopped to inquire about how he was doing."

I just bought a three bedroom, one and a half bath, brick home. And, I more recently remarried to a blonde, 30 years my junior. Then the old man suddenly burst out into an uncontrollable sob followed by big crocodile tears.

"What's the matter? the friend asked, with all your good fortune lately what have you got to cry about?

The old man replies, "I forget where I live!"

Answer 4

So this guy is walking down the street thinking about how crappy his life is. Then he bumps into a woman who tells him that if he is looking for the path to success then just go up the stairs. when he asks what stairs, a flight of stairs appears out of thin air.
He then goes up the first flight and finds a pretty girl who tell him "You can stay here with me forever or keep going up to success". He tells her that all he wants is success so he goes up the next flight of stairs.
On the next level he finds an even more beautiful woman. She says " You can stay here forever with me or continue on to success, but once you go on you may never come back down." Relunctantly he declines her offer.
On the next level he finds a gorgeous, seductive woman; the kind of woman every man desires. She tells him "You may stay here, with me forever or continue on to success, but once you do go up, you may never come back down" This time he gets very excited about what he will find on the next level so he conitnues on.
Once he gets to the next level he is greeted by a huge, greasy, bald man. The Man says " Hey there, My name is Cess.....you may begin whenever you're ready"


=D

Answer 5

A Panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. He eats it, then pulls out a gun and shoots a passing waitor dead. Then he gets up and walks out of the bar.

The next day the panda returned to the bar, but is confronted by the bartender, who asks angrily "Why did you shoot my waitor? What did he do to you?" The panda replies "Look up panda in the dictionary." The bartender does so, and reads:

Giant panda: large black-and-white herbivorous mammal of bamboo forests of China and Tibet. Eats shoots and leaves.

Answer 6

So an Irish guy in Ireland walks into a bar everyday and orders two beers, drinks them and then goes home, for about a month. One day the bartender asks the guy "Sir, I don't mean to be rude, but why do you always order two beers?" and the guy says, well, I drink one for me, and one for me brother back in the US. The next day, the guy comes in and only orders one beer. The bartender says he is sorry about his brother passing away. the now confused man says" My brother didn't die, i just quit drinking.


HAHAHHAHAHA

Answer 7

i might pretend to snigger, and understand. Then I in many situations ask my husband to describe it to me in a while. He in many situations is acquainted with the reason. i does not ask for one in front of others, and look embarrassed.

Answer 8

If the stork is the bird that brings the baby - what is the bird that prevents the baby?










THE SWALLOW

Answer 9

Did U hear about the constepated teacher?


She worked it out with a pencil.
;-)

Answer 10

A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says to the barman "I'll have .......... er ........... um .......... hmmmm ........... um .......... a pint of lager please"
The Barman say "Why the big pause?"
With a puzzled look on his face, the Polar Bear looks as his paws and says "I can't help it, I'm a Polar Bear!"