Jokes & Riddles - June 2007

2007-06-21 14:45:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

On a snowy wintery day, a man arrives at work an hour late.
"What do you think you're doing, getting here so late," his boss yells.
The man calmly explains that the roads were so slippery, everytime he took a step forward, he slid back two steps.
"Yeah right," says his boss. "If that's so, how did you get here at all?"
The man replied "I finally gave up and started for home."

2007-06-21 14:27:56 · 10 answers · asked by BeckV 2

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said,

"You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...

...O...o

...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge.

"And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?",
"Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)

...o...O

I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison, ..."

2007-06-21 13:47:41 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

write the website

2007-06-21 13:43:06 · 2 answers · asked by Yoshi =] 2

It's going to be my last day of school and the school. (I am transfering) So... I am planning on a prank! Do you guys know any good pranks? I am going to middle school (so don't accuse me of being young and asking me why am I on Yahoo!*) So please help me out!

I was thinking of something like putting plastic wrap on the toilets (I love that one! It always works!)

2007-06-21 13:38:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, butt-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."

2007-06-21 13:05:06 · 12 answers · asked by [blahh] ™ 5

the next morning when he woke up he was reading the newspaper and he killed himself. Why did he kill himself?

2007-06-21 13:03:43 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay My poem/story is about once when I was in school and there was a fire drill.

okay here goes

FIRE
Mindin ya biz
doin ya work
ya sixth sense kicks in
ya give ya head a jerk
the bell goes off
ya body goes into alert.

ya run as quickly as the fire's bout ta spread
ya mind feelin the ultimate dread

ya get outside all is safe an clear
ya mind gets rid of ya unwanted fear

Then you're filled with anger an disgust,
cuz ya must know why you were so boldly dragged into the cold

ya see ya need to calm down, cuz while you was runnin for tha hill,
turns out,
it was just a drill.


Tell me what you think . . . .

2007-06-21 12:49:49 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

were sitting on the beach in the blistering heat when one said "can i put my umbrella up" "yes" said the second "but for god sake don't open it."

come on in pc muppets and give me thumbs down and report me for being homophobic,this is troll food lol

2007-06-21 11:56:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

JUST FOR FUN....If Mickey is a Mouse ..and Donald is a Duck..Whats Goofy????

2007-06-21 11:54:17 · 15 answers · asked by Dog Rescuer 6

Spell 'moucetrap' in 3 letters.


HAHA Karl! I told you I could do better!

2007-06-21 11:48:55 · 13 answers · asked by Crazygirl ♥ aka GT 6

big brother!!! play with Mexican Flag!!

Why!!!??? joeer!!

2007-06-21 11:40:24 · 6 answers · asked by PERRON 5

if you want to guess don't scroll down.











































































the letter "T"

2007-06-21 11:16:22 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok so your standing on the roof of your house. and the wind starts to blow you off the roof. what are you falling against?

2007-06-21 10:35:59 · 14 answers · asked by Emily rose 2

Marty: He was kicked out of school for cheating.

Wade: How come?

Marty: He was caught counting his ribs in a biology exam.

2007-06-21 10:27:07 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-21 10:26:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me.
It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was
twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me
that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock,
and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild
fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I
watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the
stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the
front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are
very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car..

2007-06-21 10:16:18 · 16 answers · asked by Paula 3

I've seen the ad for KCR. Do the pictures really go that fast? How exactly does the riddle work?

2007-06-21 10:05:19 · 6 answers · asked by Yamster 2.0 3

These are actual instruction labels on
consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

2007-06-21 10:03:37 · 34 answers · asked by Llama 4

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Thor.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an disruption in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to "disappear."

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

2007-06-21 09:53:16 · 13 answers · asked by Tiny Tim 2

Miracally a 68 year old senior actually gave birth to a healthy baby. Some guests came over and asked, "May we take a look at the baby?" The mother insisted not until later, thirty minutes passed and they asked, "May we take a look at the baby, NOW? Again the mother insisted no. Two hours later the guests were now fuming with madness asked "Let us look at the baby!" The mother yelled and said "NO" , 'Not until he cries!' , Why when he cries asked all the guests, the senior mother looked down in shame and said "Because I forgot where I put him, OK! Star if you liked it please.

2007-06-21 09:47:45 · 8 answers · asked by Emily O 1

2007-06-21 09:45:16 · 6 answers · asked by Destiny 4

anyone wanna swap drinkin stories

2007-06-21 09:14:53 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

What makes one less credible than the other?
Serious answers only.

2007-06-21 08:37:53 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

1 what was depeche modes first single?
2 what group was belinda carlisle in?
3 who guested on the dire straights song, Money for Nothing?
4 name the overweight Ho that AC/DC sang about?
5 what group was gerry rafferty in. i would like the name of band, their biggest hit and the 90's film it was used in please. get 3 points for this question.
first to answer them all correct will get the points.

2007-06-21 07:23:56 · 12 answers · asked by pfc123darkknight 5

A woman was cheating on her husband, and after having sex with each other, they were laying in her bed when the phone rang.

After she hung up the phone, her lover asked "Who was that", and the woman says "That was my husband".

The lover says "Well, I guess I better get out of here before he comes home".

The woman says "Relax, he'll be late. He's playing poker with you"

2007-06-21 06:32:58 · 13 answers · asked by CJ 4

For all those who believe in Darwinian theories; it must create problems in your beliefs to not bear witness to the ongoing ape/man transformation(the foundation of darwinian beliefs). The transformation by which we apparently are lucky enough to exist.(If you believe that!)
P.S. I am not religious. I just find it curious to know that so many people hold a belief with such a gaping hole in it.

2007-06-21 05:59:49 · 43 answers · asked by anthony m 2

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p*ssed off. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift on the drive that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!!"

The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the drive.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and hurried out to the drive, brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral service for Eddie has been scheduled for friday.

2007-06-21 05:48:39 · 15 answers · asked by MYKLIA G 5

There once was a farmer who had 300 hens but no rooster. So he went down to a pet shop and asked if they had any the owner came back with a rooster and said "this is Jim he's a real stud he'll get all your hens pregnant." So he bought him and took him home. when they got there he put Jim in the coop and told him "now Jim this is your first day so take it slow" he walked off feeling proud of himself when he heard a loud squawking over and over he rushed back and found that Jim had nailed every one of the hens and a duck and goose down by the pond. the next day he found Jim on his back with buzzards circling the farmer got down on his knees and cried "oh Jim why did you have to die" Jim whispered back "quiet there about land."

2007-06-21 05:35:50 · 11 answers · asked by Tiny Tim 2

This is a riddle:

An old man was about to die so he called up his sons. He gave them these numbers: 408, 571, 332, 377, 577, 989, and 664. He told them that there is a pattern. Whoever finds the next number in the sequence will receive his money and household. The other will inherit nothing. Soon one son whispered a number into the man's ear. The man was correct. What was the number.


You won't recieve the money and my house, but you will get best answer if you solve the riddle!

2007-06-21 05:30:08 · 13 answers · asked by STrawberry 3