Jokes & Riddles - June 2007

Any one know of a really good prank? Something practical! Best answer gets 10 points!

2007-06-21 18:27:52 · 6 answers · asked by murderdolls30 3

there was a man that lived in a house by himself. one night before he went to bed, he walked up stairs, turned out the light, walked back downstairs and went to bed. when he woke up the next morning, he looked out the window, and after he saw something, he killed himself... what did he see and why did he kill himself?

2007-06-21 18:27:45 · 8 answers · asked by clara 2

There is a two to the right of a king.
A diamond will be found to the left of a spade.
An ace is to the left of a heart.
A heart is to the left of a spade.
Now, identify all three cards.

2007-06-21 18:26:19 · 6 answers · asked by ? 2

use there words in one sentence.

defeat, detail, and defense.

2007-06-21 18:20:33 · 15 answers · asked by clara 2

The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, none of who could figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician. After about an hour's examination the physician came out and told the cardinals that he had some good news and some bad news.
The bad news was that the pope had a rare disorder of the testicles, which if left untreated, would be fatal. The good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured, was to have sex.
Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the Pope with the doctor and explained the situation.
After some thought, the Pope stated, "I agree, but under four conditions."
The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over the noise a single voice asked, "And what are the four conditions?"

2007-06-21 18:19:59 · 4 answers · asked by Samuel D 1

Ok, so 3 chinese men take a trip to america, and after being there only for a little while they learn some new words

The 1st chinese man learns "me me me me!" from his favorite soap opera.

The 2nd chinese man learns "Forks and knives forks and knives!" from his job at a resturant.

and the 3rd learns "Plug it in plug it in!" from his favorite comertial.

So all three go into a chinese restuant and then as soon as they walk out the place catches on fire.

A police officer ask's the three who did it, so the first chinese man replies "Me me me!"

So then the cop asks "what did you start the fire with?" the second chinese man replies "Forks and knives forks and knives!"

The officer was having a bad night and yelled at them saying "Ok you tell me the truth otherwise ima put you in the electric chair!"
and the third chinese man sings "Plug it in plug it in!"

LMAO i love this joke.

2007-06-21 18:14:56 · 13 answers · asked by ][Eric][ AKA Just a question][ 2

if u speak properly, you will be able to answer the following question. Which is correct, the yolk of an egg is white, or the yolk of an egg are white?

2007-06-21 18:10:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A sausage roll !!!

2007-06-21 18:10:14 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.

One day, they heard, "yellow, blue, black."

One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible.

The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke,

"black, black, black."

Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished! One of the nuns spoke up,

"Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird." Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments.

Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house.

Initially, the parrot looked a bit puzzled, he swung back and forth on his perch.

Then, after a while, the Parrot said,

"Straight, Straight, Curly!"

2007-06-21 18:03:43 · 10 answers · asked by Samuel D 1

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.

"Are you the Manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no" he replies.

"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him." she coos, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to lick them gently.

"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

2007-06-21 17:51:30 · 10 answers · asked by Samuel D 1

answer this riddle !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This boy is driving down a road going 20 miles over the speed limit a state trooper pulls him over gave the boy a ticket and the officer paid it himself why did he do it?

2007-06-21 17:40:06 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

Has anyone else noticed that there hasn`t been any degrading questioning about islam just recently,do you think the plebs are leaving this subject alone at last?

2007-06-21 17:37:07 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Did you know that the first victim of JAWS (first movie) had dandruff?

2. What did Snow White say when her wedding photos were late?














1. It's true they found her Head and Shoulders on the beach.

2. Someday my prints will come.

2007-06-21 17:28:12 · 5 answers · asked by mysticalviking 5

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

2007-06-21 17:20:32 · 11 answers · asked by gangrekalve k 7

look down

























^
look up ^

2007-06-21 16:56:28 · 9 answers · asked by »-(¯`v´¯)-» BLAH くろ 4

Letter From Home

Dear Son,

I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they would not have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though. Last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About the coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him 2hrs to get

2007-06-21 16:50:16 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two Tramps On A Train Platform?
There were two tramps on a train platform looking for something to smoke.
Meanwhile, comming down the track is a train, on board is man desperate for a 5h*t. He shows the conductor his ticket and asks where the toilet is. The conductor tells him he will have to wait because there are none on board this particular train. The makes his way to the back of the train and discovers an empty carrage. In his desperation he pulls the window down as far as it will go, undoes his trouser's pulls down his pants an squeezes his bum out the open window.
The tramps stop their searching when they hear the sound of an approaching train and one tramp says to the other tramp, "its our lucky day, you slap his face and I'll grab his cigar!"

2007-06-21 16:40:55 · 13 answers · asked by Albinoballs 5

3 blondes are stuck in the middle of the ocean and find a magic lamp
so they rub it and a gene comes out and theres 3 wishes
the 1st blonde says she want to be 20% smarter and swims to shore but a kinda long way
poof
shes a brunette
the 2nd blonde sees how she survived but then wishes she was 40% smarter
poof
shes a redhead and smims a shorter way to survive
the 3rd blonde sees how smart they became and wishes she was 100% smarter
poof
she turns into a man and walks acroos a bridge right to survival none were smart enough to notice



that mean to women huh?
still funny
but mean to blondes and women!

2007-06-21 16:38:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 blondes are stuck in the middle of the ocean and find a magis lamp
so they rub it and a gene comes out and theres 3 wishes
the 1st blonde says she want to be 20% smarter and swims to shore but a kinda long way
poof
shes a brunette
the 2nd blonde sees how she survived but then wishes she was 40% smarter
poof
shes a redhead and smims a shorter way to survive
the 3rd blonde sees how smart they became and wishes she was 100% smarter
poof
she turns into a man and walks acroos a bridge right to survival none were smart enough to notice



that mean to women huh?
still funny
but mean to blondes and women!

2007-06-21 16:38:12 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

a fly swatter.
She asks whatcha doin
he says I'm try'in to kill 2 male flies and one female fly.
She asked how do you know the difference between a male and female fly.
He said oh thats easy 2 on my beer and 1 on the phone

2007-06-21 16:30:06 · 6 answers · asked by ya-who 5

OK I will let you know so STAR ME ! I willl still pick a best reply.
She rented a one man helicopter. The instructor told her it was very easy to fly and showed her how. He gave her a radio and told her to call him as she climed ever hundred feet. At 100 feet she called and said hello im fine. Instructor said ok keep climbing you are doing great this went one for awhile and suddenly she stopped calling in! The flight instructor found the helicopter in the top of a tree. The blond was still alive. He ask what the heck happened. She replied I dont really know it got drafty so I shut off the big fan.

2007-06-21 16:28:57 · 11 answers · asked by Michael N 6

The Bartender walks over and says "What is this a Joke?"

2007-06-21 16:11:06 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

i dare you to say that in front of ur mom!

2007-06-21 16:09:25 · 28 answers · asked by . 4

... a colon. ha ha. *chuckles*

2007-06-21 15:47:32 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-21 15:34:31 · 15 answers · asked by scottstwohot 1

There was a man that was hunting with his friend and had a gun. And then something happened to his friend so he called the police and the policeman said " You have to make sure he is dead first.." So the man gets his gun and shoots his friend.

2007-06-21 15:31:00 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do u know you're drunk? These can be real funny, so please post anythin u know!!!

2007-06-21 15:27:46 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

i do

2007-06-21 15:05:58 · 10 answers · asked by bruce 1

After their 11th child, a Northeast Florida couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it,put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10." The Florida Redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
"1""2""3""4"5" He pause for second and put the beer can between his legs and began to count with his other hand

2007-06-21 14:57:26 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Women just for you!!

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

Men, is this you? lol

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

2007-06-21 14:52:33 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous