what to hear a joke?

Question

i do

Answer 1

thats a good one

Answer 2

why only one?

Turkey Delight

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”



President's Driver

One day Mr President was traveling by his car. Suddenly a pig came before
the car. The driver couldn’t hit the brake at the right time and
unfortunately the pig was killed in the accident.

At the sight Mr President was deeply moved and felt very upset He called the
driver and said,”call the person whose pig has been killed,i will give him a compensation “.

At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after
some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and
lots of money in his hands!!!

Mr President was surprised. He said “I told you to bring the person,whats all this?”

At this the driver replied “I told them about the incident. Hearing
it they were rejoiced, put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for
some time and gave this money.”

Mr President then asked him “what exactly have you told them?”

The driver replied: “i am driver of Mr President and i have killed that pig……….”



A great way to be rich!!!!!!!

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was
1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing
the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent
the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I
continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a
fortune of $1.37.”

“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.

“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us
two million dollars.”




Texan in Australia

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at
least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”


Special Fare Follow-up

US Air recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”


Scientists' excuse

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net.

Irish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.




Military Etiquette

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again.

Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: No, SIR!

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Answer 3

A American, a Englishman and a Chinese man shipwrecked and got stuck on a island. The American said to the Englishman; if you can go construct a shelter for the night I will go and find wood for the fireplace.. What about me? asked the Chinese.. Oh, if you take care off the supplies and meet us back here that would be fine... So the American went and gathered wood for the fire place, and went back to the Englishman that had built a nice shelter for everybody.. It was getting late, and the American and the Englishman was starting to feel hungry.. The Chinese man was no where to found... And they started to worry something had happend to him. They started to call out his name, and search for him nearby the place they have agreed to meet him... Suddenly something jumps out off the bushes "Supplies"!! "Surprise".... it's the Chinese.. The Englishman and the American asks him: Where is the food? You were in charge off the supplies, where is it?

Answer 4

Wrong E-mail address?

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay
at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.

Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel and, unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to
send an email to is wife. However , he accidentally left out one letter in her email address and, without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2005
Subject: I Have Arrived!

Dearest Love:

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones.

I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

PS: Sure is freaking hot down here

Answer 5

me 2

Answer 6

Q. what do the starship enterprise and toilet paper have in common?





A. they both circle uranus in search of klingons

Answer 7

A boy went back home to greet his mom.His mom asked"soo what did you learn at school today?" "We learned how to make babies." "WHHHHAAT!" "Yea it's simple just put ies at the end of bab."

Answer 8

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.


lol is this worth ten points??

Answer 9

How do you keep a blonde in suspence?











(I'll tell you tomorrow)

Answer 10

what did the bird say when its cage broke?

CHEAP CHEAP