The World's Dumbest Instruction Labels?

Question

These are actual instruction labels on
consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this..)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Star if you like them

Answer 1

Those are hilarious-here's a star

Answer 2

That is nothing. Here are some more: (some might be repeats:)

On Air Conditioner:
Avoid dropping air conditioner out of window

On Blow Dryer:
Do not use while sleeping

On Iron:
Never Iron clothes on body

On Vacuum Cleaner:
1. Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids.
2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning

On Life Saving Device:
This is NOT a life saving device!!!

On Can of Soda:
Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Point away from face and people, especially when opening.

On Superman Costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On Camera:
This camera will only work when film is inside.

On Video Game Instruction Manual:
Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury.

On Toilet Cleaner:
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from the toilet.

On Window Cleaner:
Do not spray in eyes

On a Bar of Soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap

On a hotel-provided shower cap:
Fits one head

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only

On a jar of peanuts:
Contains nuts

On a bottle of shampoo:
Use repeatedly for severe damage

On a Blanket:
Not to be used as protection from a tornado

On an infants bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water

On a packet of juggling balls:
This product contains small granules under 3 mm. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in USA.

On a can of insect spray:
This spray is harmful to bees

On a wheelbarrow:
Do not use when temperature exceeds 140 degrees Farenheit


*EDIT*
What's with the whole tumbs down thing?!?!?!?! I am just trying to share knowledge!

Answer 3

Funny here's your star *.

here are some that I have seen'
A jar of creamy peanut butter. 'Contains Peanuts' (i certainly hope so.)

Box of Christmas Lights- Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only

RCA Television Remote Control- Not Dishwasher Safe

Trojan Condoms: Use for sex only - not to be eaten

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter Safe to use around pets

Answer 4

Airline Cabin Announcements

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.

4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight a announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

10. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

12. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Answer 5

On a chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

On a blanket from Taiwan
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

On a Taiwanese shampoo
- USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink
- AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

On a New Zealand insect spray
- THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.

On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

Answer 6

It's funny the stuff they have to remind us of. I just checked to see if I could find something and sure enough I did. On a bottle of easy cheese it says:

Directions: For best results, remove cap, hold applicator tip close to food, press tip firmly, and move slowly across food surface.

Just thought it was funny that they had to remind us to remove the cap.

Answer 7

Funny

Answer 8

Those are almost as good as the frivolous lawsuit list I saw once...

This lady was in a furniture store, and tripped over a kid who's mother wasn't keeping tabs on him... The lady sued the store, and somehow won... even though it was HER OWN KID!!!!


A guy sued the city because one of their trucks backed into his car... He won, even though he was the (unauthorized) driver of the city truck. Yeah, he stole the city truck, was joyriding in it and backed into his own car. Then he sued the city and won!


Have you ever read the Darwin Awards?... First prize each year is awarded posthumously. In order to qualify as a finalist, one must improve the human race by removing themselves from the gene pool.



Edit- Thank you, billbo for the wonderful abdominal workout!!!!! ROFL!!! (Good thing I had a chair!)

Answer 9

I really liked that Korean knife one. I had to do a double take, cuz I thought it did say keep out of reach of children at first. Don't want those knives getting in kids and getting bloody.

Answer 10

Funny.. lol. I've actually seen the superman costume one. We bought one for my brother when we were little and the warning said just that. "Does not enable the ability to fly".

Answer 11

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.