Jokes & Riddles - May 2007

Pierre and Boudreaux were on a weekend hunt when they witnessed a UFO landing.
As the little green creatures descended from the craft Pierre said: " Mais what's dat?" to which Boudreaux replied as he aimed his gun: "I don't know, Pierre. But you better go back to de camp and put some rice on."

2007-05-16 09:51:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

this is sooooooooooo stupid i know but knock knock whos there boo boo hoo dont cry its just a joke

2007-05-16 09:50:33 · 8 answers · asked by soccerchik200408 1

One day Boudreaux, his wife Clotile, and Boudreaux's friend, Pierre went to the city.
While Clotile went shopping, Boudreaux & Pierre decided to go check out one of them tall buildings.

Inside the building, Boudreaux & Pierre came to these big golden doors.

Boudreaux says,"Wonda wot dees doors lead to?".

So Boudreaux & Pierre stare at the doors for a few minutes until an old woman comes up to the doors. She pushes a button near the door, the doors open, she goes inside, & the doors close.

Boudreaux & Pierre watch as numbers above the door start to change from "1" to "2" to "3", then the numbers stop a while then change again from "3" to "2" to "1". Then the doors open and a beautiful young voluptuous woman walks out!

Boudreaux tells Pierre, "Mais you saw dat!? Hurry up--lets go find Clotile so we can put her in dere!"

2007-05-16 09:49:55 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's a riddle

2007-05-16 09:49:26 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Pierre and Boudreaux wanted to go hunting, but didn't have a place to hunt.
Pierre said, "The old farmer down the road is a friend of mine. He's so old, that he can't even get out into his fields anymore. I'll bet he would let us hunt there."

When they got there, Pierre told Boudreaux that he would go into the house, and ask for permission to hunt on the farmer's land. Pierre went into the house, and his friend, the old farmer said, "That's all right with me, but could I get you to do me a small favor in return?"

The farmer said, "Mud Bug, my old hunting dog is so old, he is in constant agony. I need to put him out if his misery, but I just don't have the heart. Before you take to my fields, could you please use your gun and do it for me? He's in the front yard, he's in so much pain, he can't even make it into the house any more."

Pierre said that he would help the old farmer, and went out into the yard, to tell Boudreaux that they could hunt there.

As he was walking down the front steps, he got an idea for a joke that would scare Boudreaux.

When Boudreaux said, "Did he tell us we could hunt on his land?", Pierre, for a joke, said, "No, that's the meanest old farmer I've EVER met -- I'll show HIM!!" Then he shot the old dog, and said, "That'll show him."

Boudreaux ran to the farmer's barn, and Pierre fell on the ground, laughing, because he scared Boudreaux enough to run away and hide.

Suddenly, Pierre heard, "BLAM......BLAM." Then Boudreaux ran out of the barn, and shouted to Pierre, "O.K., I got the horse and cow... Now, let's get out of here."

2007-05-16 09:48:29 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Boudreaux's Wife Goes Into Labor
Boudreaux calls the doctor and shouts, "Doc! Doc! my wife Mathilda she be in labor and da contractions are only two minutes apart!"
The doctor asked, "Is this her first child?"
Boudreaux shouts, "No, you idiot, this is her husband!"

2007-05-16 09:41:34 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy walks into a bar with a pet
alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the
astonished patrons. "I'll make you a
deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth
and place my genitals inside. Then the
gator will close his mouth for one
minute. He'll then open his mouth and
I'll remove my unit unscratched. In
return for witnessing this spectacle,
each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The
man stood up on the bar, dropped his
pants, and placed his privates in the
alligator's open mouth. The gator closed
his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer
bottle and rapped the alligator hard on
the top of it's head. The crowd cheered
and the first of his free drinks was
delivered.

The man stood up again and made another
offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's
willing to give it a try". A hush fell
over the crowd.

After a while, a hand went up in the back
of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke
up.

"I'll try, but you have to promise not to
hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

2007-05-16 09:41:04 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Thibodeaux Checks Da Lights
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were heading out to go fishing. Boudreaux wanted to check the boat trailer lights. So he tells Thibodeaux to go out back and check the lights. Thibodeaux shouted press the brakes, both lights came on and he shouted, "It works!"
Then Boudreaux put on the right turn signal and Thibodeaux shouted, "It works, it don't!, it works, it don't!, it works, it don't!"

2007-05-16 09:38:29 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a flood in a village.

One man said to everyone, "I'll stay! God will save me!"

The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said "Come on mate, get in!"

"No" replied the man. God will save me!

The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house.

A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help."

No, God will save me!" he said

Eventually he died by drowning.

He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!

2007-05-16 09:36:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Boudreaux Wins Da Lottry
Boudreaux won the ten million dollar Louisiana Lotto drawing. So early Monday morning he drives to Lotto headquarters in Baton Rouge to collect his winnings.
Boudreaux tells the clerk, "I won the Lotto and I come to collect my money, eight million dollar."
The clerk tells him "I am sorry Mr. Boudreaux but we don't give all the money at one time, we will pay you four hundred thousand dollars for the next twenty years."
Boudreaux tells the clerk "Cher, I don't want to wait no twenty years for my money I want it today and all of it!"
Again she tells him "I am sorry sir but that's not the way it works."
Boudreaux blood began to boil and he tell the clerk, "Looky here lady, if you can't give me all of my money today fine! Here is your ticket, now you give me back my dollar!"

2007-05-16 09:34:18 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-16 09:34:05 · 34 answers · asked by ~*Jaye*~ 2

When Boudreaux was a little boy he was called "Tee-Boudreaux". "Tee Boudreaux" lived with his family in a house with no indoor plumbing. Instead they had an outhouse out in the back of the house. His dad, Papa Boudreaux, wanted the best he could get for the Boudreaux family. So they had a "two holer" outhouse so that two people could "go" at the same time.
One day Tee-Boudreaux and Papa Boudreaux were both in the outhouse when Tee-Boudreaux saw his Papa accidentally drop a quarter into the hole.

Tee-Boudreaux noticed his Papa thinking about something a while then reach into his pocket, pull out a dollar bill, and drop it into the hole where the quarter had gone.

Tee-Boudreaux saw this and said, "Mais, Papa what you dropped dat dollar bill into dat hole for?!".

Papa Boudreaux said, "May Tee-Boudreaux, I didn't have de heart do send you down dere for just a quarter!"

2007-05-16 09:31:37 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.
Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, barely dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:
"Cindy, you have sinned ........"

2007-05-16 09:30:33 · 22 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that her students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. She wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So she asked her class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, she gathered her wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there

2007-05-16 09:29:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

there were 3 tampons walking...a large, medium, and small

which one talks first?

none! cause their all stuck up bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-05-16 09:21:50 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-16 09:14:19 · 10 answers · asked by murphyslaw 2

A little boy about 7 yrs old and his brother about 5 yrs old where playing in their rooms. The 7 yr old turns to his brother and says "I think it time we started cursing."
The 5 yr old nods. The mother calling from downstairs to come to breakfast. The 7yr old says "Here's are chance you say Hell and I'll say F**K." They headed downstairs. The mother politiely turned to the 5yr old.
"What do you want honey pancakes or Corn Flakes?" The 5 yr-old says "OH, HELL mom I have Corn Flakes!"
The mother in shock slaps the child drags him upstairs. Where the 7 yr old hears screams and wails coming from up stairs. The door slams and the mother huffed and puffed down the downstairs turns the 7 yr old and "What about you?" "Well, it ain't gonna be f***king Corn Flakes!"

2007-05-16 09:01:06 · 6 answers · asked by ? 2

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down and says to
the bartender, "I'll bet you $100 that if you put
a shotglass at that end of the bar, I could stand
at the other end and fill it up with my urine."

Well the bartender thinks, "That's an easy $100."
So he says "Okay." So the guy gets on top of the
bar and pees everywhere, even on the bartender.
Well, the bartender doesn't care, he just won
$100. So very happily the bartender asks for his
money. The guy very happily says, "Here you go!"
The bartender then asks, "Why are you so happy?"
And the guy says, "Well, do you see that guy at
the other end of the bar? I bet him $1000 that I
could pee on you and you would be happy!"

2007-05-16 08:51:48 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."

"Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use a restroom!"

"Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there -- and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"

"Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!"

So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs, and he proceeded to the restroom.

After a few minutes, he came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again! He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. When I came in here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. Then the room became absolutely quiet. I went to the restroom, and now the place is hopping again."

"Well, now you're one of us!" said the bartender. "Would you like a drink too?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled pastor.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about a drink?"

2007-05-16 08:36:51 · 13 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

Via my good lady from daughter no. 1.


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

2007-05-16 08:29:55 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were four people who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job. One was Christian, one was Catholic, one was a Buddhist and the forth was Jewish.

The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.

Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told them that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they only had enough money budgeted to hire one person. He told them that he would call each of them in one at a time for a final interview the next day, and that he would ask each one of them the same question. Whoever answered the question the best would be the one hired. All applicants agreed that this was fair.

The next day the first applicant, the Christian, was called in. The president posed the question, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"

He thought for a moment and replied, "That would have to be a thought."

"Why do you say that?" asked the president.

"Well, a thought takes no time at all...it is in your mind in an instant, then gone again."

"Ahh, very good. Thank you," replied the president.

Next the same question was posed to the Catholic woman. "What is the fastest thing in the world?"

She paused and replied, "That would have to be a blink."

"Why?" asked the president.

"Because you don't even think about a blink, it's just a reflex. You do it in an instant."

The president thanked her, then called in the next person.

The Buddhist was asked what the fastest thing in the world was, and after hesitating for a brief moment, he replied, "I would have to say electricity. Why? Because a man can flip a switch, and immediately, three miles away a light will go on."

"I see, very good," replied the president.

Then, the Jewish man was called in.

He, too, was asked, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"

"That's easy..." he replied, "that would have to be diarrhoea!"

Rather stunned, the president asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Well, last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps...
..and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS.....
(He got the job....)

2007-05-16 08:29:37 · 21 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

floccinaucinihilipilification-worthless
Cheese will rule the world-I have acctulally made up a hole story about it and a short poem-
Cheese will rule the world someday, with bananas at thier side they shall defeat the evil monkeys and giggle in there pride!!
Although i dont think monkeys are evil!

2007-05-16 08:22:14 · 9 answers · asked by Bubz 1

so they were getting ready for a frolic between the sheets,tom told jane i wont look if you dont look,okay jane said as she continued to take her personal belongings out of her suitcase,she lifted out her nightie and she exclaimed,oh damn,its all wrinkled! upon hearing that tom screeched,i told you not to look!!!!!

2007-05-16 08:10:51 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

One Fall day, Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse, was a second hearse which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Bill. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?" To which the man replied, "Get in line.”

2007-05-16 07:51:06 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-16 06:05:30 · 12 answers · asked by Giggly Giraffe 7

An army general Marine general and Admiral are all sitting together at a table talking about how crazy there units were. The Admiral says" I have the craziest unit you have ever seen!" He goes watch this " Hey sailor come here!" the sailor comes up and says Yes sir! The Admiral goes go on top of that high dive and jump into that empty pool head first. So sure enough he does it. The Army general gets up and says that aint nothing watch this. Hey solider go on that high dive and do a front flip head first into that empty pool. Sure enough the solider did it. Now the Marine general is just sitting there laughing and says watch this. Hey Marine get over here. The Marine comes over and says yes sir. The general says go on top of that high dive and beat everything they just did. So the Marine gets to the top of the high dive and looks in the empty pool and then at the general and says " F*** you sir" the general looks at the others and says now thats a crazy mother F***er

lil laugh for ya

2007-05-16 05:44:56 · 9 answers · asked by Ron 2

She was the first one to do it. who is she/it and what is it she did?

2007-05-16 05:43:08 · 24 answers · asked by levat 2

first one to guess the right answer gets the points or maybe the funniest!

2007-05-16 05:34:55 · 25 answers · asked by smee 2

1) What did the Mama cow say to the baby cow?

It's "pasture" bedtime!!!

2) What do cows like to do for fun?

They like to go to the "Moo-vies"

2007-05-16 05:17:13 · 5 answers · asked by phanti 3

A women reporter visits a local psychiatric ward to see how things are handled & so forth. While being toured around, she asks the head nurse in charge if there is an actual test ran on patients in order to tell if they can be dismissed or not.

The nurse says: “Sure, let me show you one way we can determine a mentally sane person from the rest... We fill up this bathtub with water & we hand them a tablespoon, a measuring cup, & a bucket. Then we ask them to empty the bathtub”. . .

How would you empty the tub?

2007-05-16 05:15:00 · 39 answers · asked by *Fickle Pickle* 4