Jokes & Riddles - May 2007

2007-05-25 17:40:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

So one day, George Bush and The Queen of England are sitting in her room talking about politics, when Bush asks the Queen, "How do you know if the highest members of your state are smart enough to be doing their job?"

And the Queen replies, "Well, I usually ask them riddles, and see how fast they respond. That's usually a good way to see if they can think for themselves."

So the Queen calls Tony Blair in, and asks him, "If your Parents had a child, but it's not your sister, and it's not your brother, who is it?" And Tony Blair immediately replies, "That's easy, it's me!" And the Queen, who is very pleased, send Tony Blair away.

Now, Bush, who is very impressed, brings the Queen to find Donald Rumsfield and asks him, "Hey Donald, if your parents had a kid, but it's not your sister, and it's not your brother, who is it?" Rumsfield ponders for a long time, and then admits to Bush that he has no clue.

Pissed off, Bush drags Rumsfield and the Queen to Dick Cheney.....

2007-05-25 17:24:29 · 17 answers · asked by Amy 5

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What are Politics? '

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

#1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.
#2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
#3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.
#4. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
#5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.

'Now, think about that and see if it makes sense.' - So, the little
boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So, the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks in the peephole and finds his father in bed with the Nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

2007-05-25 16:27:52 · 11 answers · asked by •LIGHTS• 4

"hot cause I'm fly" what?!, "lean wit it, roc wit it" with what?, "ridin dirty" if the cops are trying to catch you doing it then don't do it, "chicken noodle soup and a soda on the side" ??, "I'm so cold I'm so cold I'm so cold I'm so cold" get a coat, "I got money in the bank, shorty what cha think bout dat", she probably thinks it's great....do you really need to ask? here is my song.......I like a freaky girl that leans with it while ridin dirty on the shizzle my nizzle I think it's bout to drizzle betta get cho umbrella cause it's gonna get cold in the kitchen so lean wit it roc wit it but don't slip wit it cause you might break you hip dot da dahhhhh

2007-05-25 15:19:01 · 10 answers · asked by booboo 2

i had made up a saying:
Hungry Owls Shave There Balls
Yeah
Need ur opinion
if u think it is either plz spread to friedns and family i want it to be like a world wide thing or at least a bit popular

2007-05-25 15:18:26 · 17 answers · asked by kelly s 2

Geometry

2007-05-25 14:46:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

This guy just finished going to school to be an Eye Coctor and was having a big party for graduation. One of his old friends pulls him aside and asks, "Can you do me a small favor? Could you just tell me if I have a serious problem or is it nothing to worry about?"
The new Doctor says, "Sure - what's up?"
His old friend says, "Well, it's like this - my eyes squint every time I take a dump. Is that a problem?"

2007-05-25 14:44:13 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is that song
its like real heavy metal
it starts w/ like 20 seconds of drums
then goes like "ooh wa ah ah a"
its pretty long

2007-05-25 14:25:51 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

take the m out of elephant!!

2007-05-25 14:24:40 · 21 answers · asked by courtney m.... 2

What do you call a tellytubbie in brixton ?











tubby because the thieving b'stards nicked his tele lol

2007-05-25 14:12:35 · 16 answers · asked by thewokinn2 2

A song: Sung to the tune of " take me out to the ball game " ( i made it up )

Take me out of the bathtub, take me out of the suds. I don't wanna be washed no more! I'd, I'd rather me muddy, then soapy and clean. FOR ITS 1, 2, 3 SPLASHES OF SOAP I WILL PUT IN YOUR EYE IF YOU DONT Take me out of the bathtub, take me out of the suds. I don't wanna be washed no more! I'd, I'd rather me muddy, then soapy and clean. FOR ITS 1, 2, 3 SPLASHES OF SOAP I WILL PUT IN YOUR EYE IF YOU DONT Take me out of the bathtub, take me out of the suds. I don't wanna be washed no more! I'd, I'd rather me muddy, then soapy and clean. FOR ITS 1, 2, 3 SPLASHES OF SOAP I WILL PUT IN YOUR EYE IF YOU DONT Take me out of the bathtub, take me out of the suds. I don't wanna be washed no more! I'd, I'd rather me muddy, then soapy and clean. FOR ITS 1, 2, 3 SPLASHES OF SOAP I WILL PUT IN YOUR EYE IF YOU DONT ......... ( on and on and on )

2007-05-25 14:11:08 · 4 answers · asked by Zet-Let and Dezserret here! 2

This morning I woke up and looked in the mirror and I thought "No wonder David Crosby is going bald -- I have his hair." Jerry Garcia was a close second.

2007-05-25 14:09:09 · 3 answers · asked by whisper2roar 3

Ok, this is probably a corny joke, but I think it's cute.

2007-05-25 13:42:54 · 12 answers · asked by LB 3

a little girl,wearing a dress,runs up to her mom and says,"mommy,mommy,i just got $5." "where did you get $5" asked her mom. "Ted next door gave it to me for doing a cartwheel"says the little girl. "he only did that so he could see your panties,dont let him do it again"says her mom. "oh,ok" says the little girl. the next day the little girl runs up to her mom and says"mommy,mommy i just got $5" "where did you get $5" asked her mom "Joe from school gave it to me for doing a cartwheel" says the little girl. "he only did that so he could see your panties like Ted did" says her mom. "oh" says the little girl. the next day the little girl ran to her mom and said"mommy,mommy i just got $20" "where on earth did you get $20" asked her mom. "Anthony gave it to me for doing a cart wheel" said the little girl" "he only said that to look at you panties just like Ted and Joe.how many times do i have to tell you" said her mom. the girl said"but mom,this time i tricked him,i didnt where any panties"

2007-05-25 13:33:26 · 22 answers · asked by shorty 2

So does anybody know?

2007-05-25 13:25:03 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were 3 people in a crashing plane, the smartest man in the world, the president of the USA, and a little girl. There were only two parachutes.
The smartest man in the world stood up and said, "The people who would benefit the world the most should be the ones who get the parachutes and I being the smartest man am one of those."
With that he grabbed one and jumped out.
The president looks at the little girl and says "I've led a good long life, you take the last parachute."
And the little girl replies, "Don't worry, we can both have one, the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack."

2007-05-25 12:48:18 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

both come from afar! hahahahahaha

2007-05-25 12:32:22 · 3 answers · asked by SweetieGoat 4

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and can't help but ask, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The woman is intrigued and asks, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"

The man taps on the face of the watch and explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

2007-05-25 11:47:50 · 34 answers · asked by thatsnotevenaquestion 4

Alabama boy claims to have killed a 1000 pound wild boar. Is this true? The world is rid of Rosie O'Donnell? Halleluja! Praise the Lord!

2007-05-25 11:27:51 · 16 answers · asked by Tikimaskedman 7

A man is walking on the beach when he trips over a lamp. A few seconds later, a genie pops out and says, "I’m required to grant three wishes, but since you did not treat my lamp with respect, I will give twice what you get to the person you hate most - your boss."

The man agrees and makes his first wish: "I want lots of money." Instantly £20 million appears in bags on the beach, and £40 million appears in his boss’ bank account.

Next the man asks for an incredible sports car. Instantly a Lamborghini appears, and at the same moment, two show up outside his boss’ house.

Finally the genie says, "You have only one wish left, so choose carefully."
The man says, "OK well, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney..."

2007-05-25 11:05:35 · 42 answers · asked by thatsnotevenaquestion 4

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand
in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him
and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move
until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a
statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband enquired as he entered
the room.

"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The
Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I

got one for us too." No more was said about the statue,
not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went
to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich
and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood
like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody
offered me as much as a glass of water."

2007-05-25 11:03:31 · 16 answers · asked by Snake Eyes 6

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'"

2007-05-25 10:59:03 · 24 answers · asked by Angela G 4

2007-05-25 10:44:07 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A doctor spoke to his patient in his office. The doctor said "Well, I've got some bad news and some good news." Of course, the guy wanted to hear the bad news first (don't they always). The doctor bluntly said, "You've got about 48 hours to live." The man was devistated, "Oh my god, this is horrible, what am I going to do?"
Then in the midst of his grief and sorrow, he remembered that there was good news, too. "Doc, is there a cure or omething?"
"Cure, of course not, otherwise I wouldn't have told you that you only have 48 hours left. No, I'm sorry, there's no cure or treatment."
"But I thought you said there was good news." said the patient
"Oh yeah. Remember when you came in, the beautiful nurse?" Asked the doctor.
"Yeah," the puzzled patient said.
"The blonde one with the tight white uniform.."
"Yeah," the patient agrees.
"The one with the beautiful breasts bulging out of that uniform..."
"Yeahhhhh," the patient remembers and is starting to cheer up....

2007-05-25 10:34:33 · 8 answers · asked by Snake Eyes 6

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed in the emergency room with second-degree burns. He was already starting to blister and in agony. The doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline and a sedative and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, rather astounded, said, "What good will Viagra do him?"

The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheets off his legs.

2007-05-25 10:29:33 · 9 answers · asked by Angel 2

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

2007-05-25 10:11:04 · 8 answers · asked by bharat s 3

paddy went to a builders merchant and asked for 25,000 bricks.
the salesman says''what are you building?''
paddy says ''a bar-b q''
builder says ''eff me mate thats a lot of bricks for a bar b q ''
paddy says '' i live on the 19th floor of a tower block''

2007-05-25 10:06:51 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-05-25 09:53:09 · 25 answers · asked by joelinn1974 3

2007-05-25 09:52:56 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.

2007-05-25 09:45:48 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous