Jokes & Riddles - April 2007

She came home from school one day. She said, "Look, mommy, I made a nickel today".

The mother said, "How did you make a nickel, sweetie?"

The little girl said, "A boy gave me a nickel to climb up a phone pole."

The mother said, "Sweetie, don't ever do that again. That little boy just wanted to look up your dress and see your underpants".

The next day, the little girl came home and said, "Look, mommy, I just made two nickels".

The mother asked, "How did you make two nickels?"

The little girl said, "I climbed up the telephone pole twice".

The mother scolded, "What did I tell you, sweetie? That little boy just wanted to see your underpants!"

The little girl said, "No, it's OK, mom. I fooled him. I didn't wear any underpants today."

2007-04-09 09:58:32 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

There once was a really old lady, about 80 years old.

She thinks to herself, "I have lived a nice full life and have been having a lot of fun, but its not long before I die"

Thinking to herself that instead of getting sick and suffering while she dies, she would just commit suicide. So she heads over to her doctor and askes where her heart is, just wanting to make sure she doesn't screw it up and suffer anyways.

So the doctor tells her that her heart is located under her left breast and, not thinking much of it, sends her off.

Well the next day this same old lady is sent off to the emergency room with a gunshot to her left knee.












Ha ha! She had knee-knockers

2007-04-09 09:44:13 · 8 answers · asked by Will Bleed For Kicks 3

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:

"Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you don't stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read:

"Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter -- $50.00."

2007-04-09 09:28:45 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

The new Texas preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty, the country music singer.

One day he decided to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately.
He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door.

When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!"

"No, ma'am," he replied, "I'm your new pastor, and I came to have prayer with you."

So she said come right on in.

He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he was Conway Twitty.

The he came to a young widow woman's house on the end of the street.

She was taking a shower at the time, so she just wrapped a towel around her and opened the door. When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands-which allowed the towel to fall to the floor.
"Oh, my God!" she exclaimed, "It's Conway Twitty!"

And the preacher said...............................

"Hello, Darlin'".

2007-04-09 09:27:40 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

in an emergancy if you can't be bothered to change for your shoes, can you really give it some runnin down tu off licence on last minute, or catch up with ice cream van, or fish van, if you have kids? how fast ?

2007-04-09 09:25:28 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

...be able to resist slicing off my undies as i run home? or would u think that letting me run home in my undies ispunishment enough for taunting you so much before the fight?

2007-04-09 09:23:53 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

What king can you make if you take
the head of a lamb
the middle of a pig
the hind of a buffalo
and the tail of a dragon?

2007-04-09 09:12:42 · 18 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

2007-04-09 08:48:48 · 25 answers · asked by mikeydonatelli 6

he just prank called me and i want to say something to him back. what should it be.

2007-04-09 08:48:30 · 11 answers · asked by ipodlady231 7

Outraged wife: Couldn't you think of anything better than coming home drunk like this?

Husband: Yes, but she was out of town!

2007-04-09 08:41:58 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

FIRST TO GET IT GETS AN EASY BOOST IN PERCENTAGE. 1 GUESS PER PERSON. BTW..if u do not know what an integer is than look it up!

2007-04-09 08:01:53 · 12 answers · asked by FooFoo 2

Am I A Good Poet - I'm Only 14?

These are the two poems I wrote, I am a 14 year old student and just wanted everyones true and honest opinion. Thanks

1 TO MANY


He is gone , his soul still here but his body is no longer , why , because 1 to many people

1 too many people told him he was ugly
1 too many people told him no one cared
1 too many people told him he was stupid

If maybe just 1 person told him he was smart

We would have 1 more person still alive and well


AND THE OTHER ONE IS UNDER HERE

What is Love

The thing that makes us cry , or the thing we all want

Is it really all its cracked up to be

Because the same person that once gave me it

Also gave me the worst day of my life.

She said it was over , and I could of swore it just began .

By Taki

2007-04-09 07:54:40 · 16 answers · asked by sometaki_93 1

What is the longest word in the dictionary?(hint: it's plural form)

I am a three digit number. My second digit is four times more than my third digit. My first digit is seven less than my second digit. What number am I?

Every day the man saw his dog ran into the woods. However, he noticed that the dog never ran more than halfway into the woods. Why?

A man kills his brother in plain sight of many people, and yet he will never be charged with murder or any other crime. Why not?

What can you hold without it ever using your arms or hands?

An island and the letter "t" have something in common. What is it?

Which side of a cow has the most hair?

What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

The owner of the pet shop guaranteed that the Guatemalan parrot repeated every word it heard. The customer found that the parrot wouldn't repeat a single word that he said. Nevertheless, what the pet shop owner said was true. How could this be?

2007-04-09 07:30:10 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

sensible answers only please.

2007-04-09 07:27:54 · 4 answers · asked by Confused?! 4

over 250 clicks in 15 minutes.

under 250 clicks in 15 minutes.

2007-04-09 06:32:23 · 15 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

Mrs. Jenkins comes to visit her son Anthony for
dinner...who lives with
a female roommate, Vikki. During the course of the
meal, his mother
couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate
was. She had
long
been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and
this had only
made her more curious.

Over the c! ourse o f the evening, while watching the two
interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Anthony
and his roommate
than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony
volunteered, "I
know
what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and
I are just
roommates."

About a week later, Vikki came to Anthony saying,
"Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the
silver sugar bowl.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Well, I doubt
it, but I'll
email
her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Mama,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from
my house,
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the
fact remains that it
has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Anthony
________________________________________________________________________________
Several days later, Anthony received a response email
from his
Mama, which read:

Dear Son,

I'm ! not say ing that you are not with Vikki, and I'm
not saying
that you are with her. But the fact remains that if
she were
sleeping in the other room, she would have found the
sugar bowl in the
bed
by now.

Love Mama.

2007-04-09 06:32:22 · 25 answers · asked by OnTheProwl007 4

Here are all of the characters(it should be more than one word)

G,R,t,e,o,i,n,l,a,d,r,u


I am completely lost on this andhelp would be greatly appreciated.

2007-04-09 06:21:17 · 10 answers · asked by realballin91 2

Joshua Bones had been at sea for 40 years and in that time he has been around the globe many times. However, he had always spent his nights on dry land and in bed.

2007-04-09 05:56:53 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-09 05:52:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you srabcmle a wrod, but keep the fsirt and lsat lteers in the rgiht palce you suohld siltl be albe to raed it bceause the barin deos not raed ecah lteer by istlef, but the wrod as a whloe.


Try smoe fcats taht you konw and srabcmle tehm.

2007-04-09 05:43:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

there are two doors, one leads to heaven/life and one leads to hell/death. you do not know which door leads to where, but there is one gaurd infront of each door. one of the guards ALWAYS tells the truth and one guard ALWAYS lies. you do not know which guard always lies/tells the truth, and you do not know which door they are gurading.
what question do you ask the gaurds (has to be the same question for each guard) to figure out which door leads where?

star iif you think it'a good please?!

2007-04-09 05:34:56 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Well, I don't really think it's a riddle...

Two people are in a barn. Ten cats follow them inside. How many feet are in the barn now?

2007-04-09 05:21:27 · 16 answers · asked by Danni 2

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously mast********. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Japanese men says, "Can't you see? We are all berry hungry." The waitress says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"

2007-04-09 04:44:41 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man had just opened a new shop and had some flowers sent to him,upon reading the card he became confused,it read "with deapest sympathy."

At this point the phone rang and it was the florist to appologise,
"thats no problem "says the shopkeeper "i know that these things happen."

"Well "said the florist"i don't know what i am going to say to the people who recieved your flowers.",Who were they"the shopkeeper asks

"they went to a funeral,and the card said good luck in your new location."

star if funny

2007-04-09 04:29:01 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a neighbor who is a MAJOR pain in the u know what! And me and two of my friends just want to prank them!

2007-04-09 02:29:40 · 13 answers · asked by Miss Pretty Pants 1

H e starts and ends 2 common English words. One painfull in love, One painfull in everyday matter. Do you know what 2 words I must be?

2007-04-09 02:16:57 · 6 answers · asked by Star 2

u throw my outside, u cook my inside. You eat my outside and throw my inside

2007-04-09 02:10:24 · 6 answers · asked by Ash 2

A table tennis ball fell into a tight deep pipe. The pipe was only a bit wider then the ball, so you can not use your hand. How would you take it out, with no damage?

2007-04-09 01:57:19 · 28 answers · asked by alan p 2

The first person to get this right will recieve best answer :)

2007-04-09 01:55:47 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-09 01:50:04 · 20 answers · asked by bejoulais 1