Jokes & Riddles - April 2007

Little William went to his father one day and said " Daddy , where did i come from ?"
Father started to stutter and stammer , but he realised that he had to tell his son the facts of life .
"Sit down Willie" he said..
At great length he described the whole business of creation , beginning with the birds and the bees .Then he went into the most graphic descriptions of human intercourse.
He concluded at last feeling tired and drained , Took an handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the persperation from his brow . "OK Willie , now fo you understand ?"
Willie scratched his head " Not really dad ,.Henry says he comes from London , but you still havn't told me where i come from. "

2007-04-01 05:54:26 · 11 answers · asked by Scary Mary 4

"I'm not sure what to do," says the Devil.
"You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to
stay here, so I'm going to have to let some-one else go. I've got three
folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, so you
can take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good considering the circumstances, so he
agreed.

The devil opened the first room.

In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water. He kept diving in and
climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in Hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think
I could stay in hot water all day."

The devil led him to the next room.
In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he
did was swing the hammer, time after time.

"No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony
if all I could do was break rocks all day" commented George.

The devil opened a third door.
In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over
his head and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was
Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah,
I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"

2007-04-01 05:35:40 · 30 answers · asked by slashdog2003 3

Because he was stuffed!!!!!

2007-04-01 05:18:12 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husband constant demands for s*x, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make l*ve for the rest of their marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey,you know I love you, but your never ending requests for s*x are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have s*x on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the frequency of our l*vemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door,hoping that her s*x craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

2007-04-01 05:06:22 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

When you get used to them you can walk on them for years. lol

2007-04-01 03:50:46 · 9 answers · asked by kiphimzipped 1

1) When I die I want to go peacefully -- like my grandfather did -- In his sleep.

Not screaming like the passengers in his car.



2) Mr Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer (JenJohnson@AOL.com).

Unfortunately, he forgot his wife's exact email address and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs Joan Johnson(JJohnson@AOL.com) of New Jersey, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away.

The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.

When she was finally revived by her daughter, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."

2007-04-01 03:17:15 · 11 answers · asked by Lucky Cat 3

This prank has to be good but not great cause yesterday was a hard day for our family and something happened life changing! but on that note give me good ones just not a prank that will be stupid or boring or impossible!!!!!

2007-04-01 03:16:25 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-01 02:06:23 · 25 answers · asked by dreams 6

One Yank and it's off!

2007-04-01 02:05:31 · 10 answers · asked by jabelite 3

2007-04-01 01:58:10 · 11 answers · asked by hello world 7

2007-04-01 00:20:56 · 9 answers · asked by Mike A 2