Jokes & Riddles - April 2007

what is the birds an the bees?i know its dumb but what is it?thx!

2007-04-04 12:15:12 · 8 answers · asked by Sheila 2

we would go and have fun, work and learn new cultures ....if interested contact oana_zenga@yahoo.com

2007-04-04 12:02:12 · 15 answers · asked by oana_zenga 1

2007-04-04 11:45:24 · 37 answers · asked by Melina A 2

2007-04-04 11:42:13 · 16 answers · asked by twiztid_ditzwit 2

The Pickle Slicer!
There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She began to scream and yell, "You have given them twenty years of devoted service. Why did they fire you?"

"For twenty years I’ve wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle Slicer," he explained, "and today I finally did it!"

The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been done.

"You look okay," she said with a sigh of relief. "So what happened to the pickle Slicer?"

"Well," he said with hesitation, "they fired her, too."

2007-04-04 11:29:45 · 20 answers · asked by duke4172 3

This jewish kid needs money. He says to his Dad, "Hey Dad, can I have fifty dollars?"

His Dad says "Forty dollars?!?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!?!

2007-04-04 11:16:46 · 14 answers · asked by g's up ho's down 2

2007-04-04 11:16:14 · 12 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

2007-04-04 11:12:30 · 46 answers · asked by bone 2

It was that time, during the sunday morning service, for the childrens sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, " Yes, and my mom says it's a B*tch to iron!

2007-04-04 11:10:11 · 10 answers · asked by ? 2

One day, a man parks his Volkswagon Beetle outside of a mental institution; because of a lack of parking spaces in the area.

At the end of the day, he returns to a deflated tire. As he changes the tire, he places the four lugnuts into the hubcap, and removes the tire from the car. Loosing his balance, he tips the hubcap, spilling the lugnuts twards the curb, and all four of them roll into a storm drain. Standing up and swearing, he brought the attention of one of the patients in the institution, to the window of his flat.

The patient askes the driver, "Whatcha doin mate?"

"I'm changing a flat tire, and I've lost all the lugs to the tire I've removed."

"Want some advice?...Take one lug off each of the other tires, and you'll have three on all your tires."

"Hey buddy, that's pretty intelligent, what are you doing inside the hospital?"

"Sir, I'm insane, not stupid!!"

2007-04-04 10:58:23 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!

2007-04-04 10:52:08 · 29 answers · asked by duke4172 3

2007-04-04 10:44:37 · 19 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

A boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
Difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
If she would sleep with Isaiah Washington for a million dollars." "Then ask
Your sister if she would sleep with Isaiah Washington for a million dollars,
And then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Isaiah Washington for a Million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with?
Isaiah Washington for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I
Would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you
Kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with
Isaiah Washington for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God!
I LOVE Isaiah Washington. I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you?
Nuts?

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep
With Isaiah Washington for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother
Replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to
His dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference
Between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on
Three Million Dollars.............. But Realistically, we're living
With two Whores and a Queer.

2007-04-04 10:27:49 · 26 answers · asked by duke4172 3

http://www.brackenspub.com/beer.swf

Go there and check it out. =]
- Let me know what you think.

2007-04-04 10:18:29 · 23 answers · asked by Hillary 2

I don't understand it. I'm a fungi.

2007-04-04 10:17:10 · 7 answers · asked by susan m 3

Can a pregnant hooker offer a two for one sale?

2007-04-04 10:16:28 · 9 answers · asked by GrumpyLumpkin 1

is that concidered a hostage situation?

2007-04-04 10:12:36 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay, a guy goes to the doctor and the doctor said, "I got bad news and more bad news. "The guy said, "Okay lets start with the bad news. "Then the doctor said, "You only have 24 hours to live." Then the guy said, "Well, whats the other bad news?" And then the doctor said, "I forgot to call you yesterday."

2007-04-04 10:11:04 · 8 answers · asked by Joe-O 4

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

2007-04-04 10:05:41 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Find the error. It's impossible!

AAA
BBB
CCC
DDD
EEE
FFF
GGG
HHH
III
JJJ
KKK
LLL
MMM
NNN
OOO
PPP
QQQ
RRR
SSS
TTT
UUU
VVV
WWW
XXX
YYY
ZZZ

Did you know that 80% of UCSD students could not find the error above?

2007-04-04 10:00:29 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-04 09:54:06 · 91 answers · asked by bumblecherry 5

he ate a daffodill bulb thinking it was an onion, the doctor (very gruffly) told me he will be blooming out in the spring!

Mabte not that funny , but i've been in the pub all day.............

2007-04-04 09:53:37 · 9 answers · asked by aholic 1

2007-04-04 09:29:49 · 7 answers · asked by chimi c 1

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

2007-04-04 09:27:44 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Its a joke by the way.

Apparently one in five people are chinese. There are five people in my family. So it must be either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Chris. Or my younger brother Hin Chan Chow. But I think it's Chris.

I thought it was funny, but I suppose I think everythings funny.

2007-04-04 09:03:27 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous

"From now on I want you to call me David Hoff".

The barman replies "Sure thing Dave... no hassle."

2007-04-04 08:58:07 · 11 answers · asked by Mickey Corleone 3

You like driving around with your cats?

I like driving around with my two cats, especially on the freeway.

I make them wear little hats so that I can use the carpool lane.

2007-04-04 08:50:20 · 5 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

A group of senior citizens was sitting around talking about their ailments:

“My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee,” said one.

“Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” replied another.

“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

“My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,” another went on.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he shook his head.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

“Well, it’s not that bad,” said one woman cheerfully. “Thank God we can all still drive!”

2007-04-04 08:42:11 · 13 answers · asked by jsav209 3

2007-04-04 08:34:37 · 19 answers · asked by BLING 4

If Bush is the answer....it was probably a stupid question.

2007-04-04 08:27:16 · 8 answers · asked by drew1jms 3