How many types of sex is out there????????

Question

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his
"manhood" was mangled and tornfro m his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.

The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the
doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"


WOMEN'S HUMOR:
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."

Answer 1

There's also hallway sex.. the kind where you pass each other in the hallway and you each put up your middle finger and say "f*&% you!"

Answer 2

Oh Golly, well lets see here. We've got the Anal Sex, Interracial Sex, Mechanical Bull Sex, Clown Sex, The Spiderman, Marlin, Fish Hook, Houdini, Casper the friendly ghost, Scat, ******, Dirty Sanchez, The Machine Gun, Religious Rowboat, Cardiac Caress, Space Docking, Eiffel Tower, Checkers, Rockin' Robin, Run Run Rudolph, Strawberry Shortcake, The Clumsy Gentlemen, The Whoops, The Electric Boogaloo, The Electric Boogaloo 2, The Chili Dog, The L7, The night we took back Brooklyn, The Rusty Hook, The Rusty Trombone, The Rimjob, The Ahhh! Real Monsters, The Rude Dude, The Donkey Punch, The Angry Pirate, The Reach Around, The Aristotle, The Shooting Star, The Golden Shower, The Lemon Party, The Meat Spin, The David Carradine, The Jacuzzi, The Cool Breeze Etc....

Answer 3

Wait a minute I'll just be finished in a moment.....ahhhh there is nothing like a hot grinder topped off with a coke....Now what was the question ?????

Answer 4

i hate the additional ones. i like the ones before.

Answer 5

Those were great

Answer 6

i prefer just PURRRfect umm one!

Answer 7

These were very funny. liked em a lot. thanks for making me laugh! :)