Jokes & Riddles - April 2007

One sausage says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot on this frying pan!" The other sausage said, "Holy crap! A talking sausage!"

2007-04-02 04:22:40 · 18 answers · asked by Johnny Afman 5

In a 10 storey building, a man is found in the top floor apartment with 52 bicyles. How did he die and why?

2007-04-02 04:21:37 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four men want to cross a bridge. They all begin on the same side. It is night, and they only have one flashlight with them. At most two men can cross the bridge at a time, and any party who crosses, either one or two people, must have the flashlight with them.

The flashlight must be walked back and forth: it cannot be thrown, etc. Each man walks at a different speed. A pair must walk together at the speed of the slower man.

Man 1 needs 1 minute to cross the bridge, Man 2 needs 2 minutes, Man 3 needs 5 Minutes, and man 4 needs 10 minutes. For example, if man 1 and man 3 walk across together, they need 5 minutes.

The question: How can all 4 men cross the bridge in 17 minutes?

2007-04-02 03:51:00 · 4 answers · asked by Sunny_1_ 3

my bro told me it was true then he showed me a video clip in the news about a girl who died form drinking 2 galons of water, wow.

2007-04-02 03:33:38 · 20 answers · asked by nyphephe 1

seriously i need really funny jokes today. not feeling well at all

2007-04-02 03:07:36 · 8 answers · asked by [[keetr//mary]] 3

SINGLE
1. Single means you have the time to grow and be the person you want to be.
2. Single gives you space to grow. It is harder to grow when you are too close to someone.
3. Single means freedom.
4. Single is realizing that being married is not necessarily better.
5. Single means that there could be something wonderful around the corner and you can take advantage of it.
6. Single means you are free to love again.
7. Single means you have more time to care for other people.

2007-04-02 01:46:42 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-02 01:40:22 · 17 answers · asked by tp23 1

Joey and his classmates had just finished a tour of the
local fire hall.

Before each student could leave, the fire chief quizzed him.
He asked little Joey, "What do you do if your clothes catch
on fire?"

Joey replied promptly, "I don't put them on."

2007-04-02 01:30:26 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day there was a priest sitting in a pew with a very worried and nervous look, and a another priest saw him and wondered what was wrong.

The second priest thought he should try to help, so he approached his distraught associate and asked him what was wrong. "Well" the first priest said, "have you ever heard of a Freudian Slip?"

"No," said the other priest.

"Well" said the first priest, "it's when one slips and says something one is thinking usually when it is the least opportune time."

"Oh," said the second priest, "so, what happened?"

"Well, today I performed a wedding and you know the part when you say 'I now pronounce you man and wife'?" asked the first priest.

"Yes?" said the second priest. "Well that is what I meant to say, and what I actually said was, "I now sentence you to death."

2007-04-02 01:18:12 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

After the baby was born, the young Father went to see the obstrician.
"Doctor, I don't mind telling you, I am a little upset. The baby has red hair. She can't possibly be mine"!, he said, upset.
"Nonsense", replied the Doctor. "Even though your wife and you are both dark haired, one of your ancestors could have contributed red hair to the gene pool".
"It isn't possible"!, the young Father insisted. "Our families on both sides have had dark hair for generations"!
"Well", said the Doctor, trying to keep the peace, "Let me ask you this. How often do you have sex"?
The Father seemed a bit ashamed. "For the last couple of years, I have been working very hard. We only made love once or twice a month".
"There you have it"!, the Doctor assured him, confidently, "It's just Rust"!

2007-04-02 01:06:44 · 12 answers · asked by jfmm 7

Lol= laugh out loud
btw= by the way
p&s =???
lmao=???
Are there any others that you coud tell me about.

2007-04-02 01:04:36 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed "YES! YES!..I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked,"What did she roll?"

> >>The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
> >>
> >>MORAL OF THE STORY -
> >>Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!

2007-04-02 00:55:14 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tony B.liar and Gordon Darkbeige have today announced that they are scrapping the Union Jack in favour of their new national symbol – a c o n d o m because it more accurately reflects the governments’ new political stance.
The c o n d o m will:
1. allow for inflation
2. halt unnecessary production
3. destroy the next generation
4. protect a bunch of arrogant p r i c k s
5. give you a sense of security whilst you are actually being screwed

As they say It cannot get more accurate than that.

2007-04-02 00:47:02 · 5 answers · asked by billtheangler 5

a kid asked her pregnant mother....

kid: who's insyd ur tummy?

mom:ur sister

kid:do u luv her?

mom:of course!

kid: why did u eat her?

hehehehehe... peace out=)

2007-04-01 22:53:39 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-01 17:14:58 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Could it be what burglars see with...

2007-04-01 15:34:09 · 12 answers · asked by Spike 3

Here is yet another unoriginal riddle that I learned in grade school:

Three men came to stay at a hotel, and when they went to the desk to check in, they decided to share a room to save money. The manager assigned them a room and charged them $30.00 altogether. Each paid $10.00 for his share, and then they all were shown up to their room by the bellboy. A short while later, the manager discovered that she had overcharged the three men for the room she had assigned them; it was actually only $25.00. She took $5.00 out of the till and instructed the bellboy to go up to their room and return the money to them. The bellboy saw here an opportunity to make a little extra tip. He rationalized that $5.00 was difficult to split three ways, and decided to take up $3.00 to the men, giving each of them $1.00 return, and pocket the other $2.00 for himself. So the men each put in $10 and got $1 back. So that's 9 times 3, which is 27, plus the $2 the bellboy took makes $29. Where is the other $1?

2007-04-01 14:32:24 · 14 answers · asked by Pecos 4

Driver says"Ugliest babt ive ever seen im my life"
woman sits at back of bus fuming,
says to man in front,
"That driver just insulted me"
Man stands up and puts out his arms saying,
"You cant let him get away with that. You go and have a word with him,i'll look after the monkey"

2007-04-01 14:29:08 · 20 answers · asked by Spike 3

a American representative is on his way to Japan and will be meeting the next day to play golf with a japanese man.

that night he picks up a woman at a bar and takes her home. Their having sex and she says (not sure the exact word) "aruga aruga"

he's sure she's cheering him on and so he keeps going.


The next day the jap man hits a hole in one.

the man says "Aruga"

the jap man turns around "What do you mean wrong hole?"

2007-04-01 14:02:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Imagine that a guy was named John Doe. He mysteriously dies with no identification at all. While on the slab, the examiner tries to match his face to pictures of missing people. When he finds that none match, he says
*sigh* I guess we'll label this one a John Doe.
Then all of a sudden, the corpse sits up and says
Hurray, *tosses hidden confettii* you guessed my name right. You get my internal organs.
The doctor then dies of a heart attack.
Haha

2007-04-01 13:54:36 · 8 answers · asked by ╣♥╠ 6

One stormy pink night a pink guy in a pink car driving down a pink road hit a pink pole!! It tore up his pink car and he didn't have any pink money to get it fixed that pink night. So he walked up to a pink house and asked the pink owner if he could use his pink phone. The pink owner said sure and gave him his pink phone! Since the pink power was out the pink phone was dead. The pink owner asked the pink man if he needed a place to stay for the night. The pink man said sure and made his way up to the pink guestroom. Later on, on the same pink night another pink man in his pink car was driving down the same pink road and hit the same pink pole. He walked up to the same pink house and asked the pink owner if he could use his pink phone. The pink owner said sure and gave him his pink phone. The pink power was still out so the pink man couldn't use the pink phone. The pink owner asked the pink man if he needed a pink place to stay. The pink man said sure and made his way up to the (more)..

2007-04-01 13:14:35 · 12 answers · asked by ♥Sweet Girl♥ 3

Please Help me I would really appreciate it so much. The April fools joke needs to be super funny!!!!! Everyone who reads this please tell me the funniest joke you know

2007-04-01 13:03:13 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the afternoon, and 3 legs in the evening?

(first one to get it right wins best answer!)

2007-04-01 13:01:15 · 8 answers · asked by Safari 2

where do you get the e-mail that shows a peaceful meadow then all of a sudden a monster appaers?

2007-04-01 12:58:25 · 3 answers · asked by kch7795 1

I'll come back in 5 minutes to see if anyone got it, ok?

2007-04-01 12:29:17 · 5 answers · asked by ramblin' robert 5

Hi-I was wondering what your favorite April Fool joke was. I need some good ones for my friends and family today. Thanks so much, isa

2007-04-01 12:01:06 · 7 answers · asked by XD 4

okay.. this guy is like the jokester of all joksters. lol and i really need a good prank to show him that he isnt the only one that can be funny. HELP please. =]

2007-04-01 11:54:15 · 7 answers · asked by Stephanie 2

ANY!

2007-04-01 11:51:18 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have already done the tape the faucet shotter thing and the toilet saran wrap. What else can i do!!!( I will try and do everyone suggestion but which ever one works the best i will give best answer!!)

2007-04-01 11:50:46 · 3 answers · asked by Abby,,[[RAWR]] 2

i need a good prank to pull on my brother. he is 20 but i always try fool him and stuff.....any ideas? somthing with like no equipment needed and easy to do?
thanks!!!

2007-04-01 11:48:01 · 3 answers · asked by Lea 1